Is this depression? If so I don’t know how to help myself!

[Iwantsunshine]

A bit of a long one but please hear me out..

ive always been up and down in my moods for the last 10 years (at least) for context I’m 34, have a partner, a house and a son who is coming up to 2 years old.

I should feel happy but I struggle to, why do I feel so unhappy, in all honesty I don’t think I’ve got much to be unhappy about but I feel like I’m programmed to feel nothing but unhappy/unsatisfied with life and have been this way for many years - no real idea why?!

im happy for the most part in my relationship, my partner is good to me (though admittedly not sure he understands my feelings around my mental health) I’m happy in my job and no concerns there.

I can’t put my finger on it but I don’t feel like me - I don’t think it’s post natal depression because I felt unhappy with life before my son.

I just don’t feel like I get any joy out of my life, I want to go and enjoy things as a family but on the days when we do go out I just want to go home after a few hours, when I’m in my own with my son I have no motivation to do anything much and I have these grand ideas that we will have a nice day out but when it gets to it I just want to hide away and my enthusiasm has gone.

is this just life or am I depressed?

ive had lots of counselling and cbt, ive been on anti depressants before but can’t put my finger on why I actually feel like this or how to help myself!

not sure why I’ve posted, I guess for some support, my partner doesn’t understand and thinks I’m just miserable (I don’t blame him) I feel like I am. The doctors just want to give me medication and counselling never seems to help! Ive had bloods recently so it’s not a health issue.

How do other people manage feeling like this?

I want to snap out of it but I physically can’t and fear I’m going to have to go back on to medication :(

I'm sure I have the answers..how did you feel when on medication, any improvement?

I don't think there are "shoulds" in regards to feelings, they are what they are. Sometimes just noticing the feelings helps and knowing they will pass.

Thank you for your reply!

I did feel better on anti-depressants but I’m hoping (when/if I can feel better) to have another baby and ideally I wanted to avoid anti-depressants (I was previously on fluoxetine) GP has prescribed Sertraline for me and said I can start these if I want to as they are probably the best option in pregnancy.

I do have up and down days, today I’m not feeling so down in the dumps, can’t put my finger on if there are triggers…

Could you try a journal? See if there is a pattern. Fatigue really affects my mood

Do you think you are an introvert?

Another tip is to write 3 blessings each day. You may already do this though.

Ive never tried a journal I must admit so that might actually work for me!

it’s possible I am an introvert yes, I don’t particularly enjoy being that sociable! Not anymore anyway, I used to be much more sociable than I am.

I don’t already do the blessings either, I think it’s something I need to do to be able to appreciate things a little more.