How bad was this set of experiences?

[lljkk]

Take it as read that I'm an insensitive cowbag. It's just that... someone told me a story about another person today, how "terrible" a time he had in last 2 years.

I thought it wasn't that bad. I mean, it's bad, but it's not horrendous. Am I being my usual insensitive self, or was this especially awful set of experiences:

Person is 37 yo. In last 2 years...

• Good physical health

• Lost job he loved due to covid restrictions but

+ has family money, probably employed again now, too

• 1 parent died

+ one parent remaining with whom they have good relationship)

• Wife finished marriage (not due to OM)
• Wife soon found a boyfriend
• Wife's dad died

+ 2 healthy children + Amicable relations with ex-wife & both kids

Life is not a misery competition. But I read stories on MN daily, don't I, of people who have had much more stressful times in last 2 years. Is that a merely pissy set of events, or is it truly terrible?

I'm talking to OP.

OP, I think the bit you're failing to grasp is that different people have different levels of resilience. Resilience is determined by many things, and massively undermined by poor mental health. So just because YOU or MOST PEOPLE could cope with what your friend went through... others can't, and YWBU to expect them too.

This
Such a strange thread. Why are you even questioning how bad someone's year was. It's really odd, experiences don't work like that, everyone has different reactions to things. If someone is struggling and saying they had a bad year. They had a bad year.

Why are you even questioning how bad someone's year was

hey, I'm not the obsessed one. It's > 1 week since I came back to thread.

"Person" is a guy that Friend met on a date. Friend went on a bit about how terrible the last few years of his life had been. "So awful! So much worse than me or anyone else I know has lived through!" said friend. Thus I thought of lots of people who probably had worse experiences. Anyone who slowly lost a beloved spouse to cancer who was also parent to shared young child (for instance).

This may be a thread about how sheltered friend is. IMHO, her own experiences in last 2 years were no less "awful" than the fellow had, but she didn't have many of the listed things happen to her, just other bad stuff. I get frustrated trying to coax friend out of negative focus thinking, so it was good that she talked so much to someone she sees as having had bigger problems (and sounds like they are trying to think positively going forward).

The death of a parent in itself, is massive

It wasn't massive for me. Because it was so expected (although also sudden) & we weren't mutually supportive anyway. I'm still confused by other people who found my mom's death a shock. Everyone has their own experience, I guess.