Long story short, I'm in my late 30's. Have had 2 babies in under 2 years, both by c-section (youngest is 9 weeks old) and I don't recognise myself anymore. I've always struggled with maintaining my weight, have been everything from a size 8 - 16 but spent most of my late 20's/early 30's a size 10/12 which I was really happy with. I'm 5'7 and weighed 11st 4lbs (size 12) when I fell pregnant with my eldest. I put on 3.5 stone during the pregnancy but lost most of it fairly quickly after giving birth. When I fell pregnant with my youngest a year later I still had 1 stone to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight and was a size 14/16. During that pregnancy I gained over 4.5st and have only lost 1.5st so far. I'm now 15st exactly (4st heavier than I was less than 2 years ago) which is the biggest I've ever been in my life and I hate what I see in the mirror. I bought a size 18 jeans yesterday and I can't even get them over my hips. It's really affecting my mental health. Nothing fits and I feel disgusting! I know it's early days and my body has done an amazing job of growing 2 healthy humans and I am really grateful for that but I can't help feeling sad and embarrassed about the way I look after having them. I'm actively avoiding seeing people and although I want photos of me with my kids to look back on, I can't bare seeing myself in pictures, it just doesn't look like me. Granted, I didn't do myself any favours during pregnancy by eating exactly what I wanted, when I wanted but the results are hard to swallow. It's not just my belly either, I honestly look about a foot wider and my face is a ball. I look back at photos of myself from a couple of years ago when I thought I was in need of losing weight and I would kill to look like that again. I had a waist, cheekbones and a jawline. Now I'm just a blob!