think dh has pnd - best thing for me to do?

[worriedaboutdh]

My dh has suffered from depression in the past, and although he's not been on ad's for some years, he is easily stressed.

Our dd is 3 months old and has been diagnosed with achondroplasia (dwarfism). It's not a terrible condition to have - she's not even really 'special needs' - but it's been hard for us both to get our heads round it.

DH was finding it stressful having a baby around anyway - he's a househusband so although I'm taking time off work, it's disrupted his life quite a bit - but he's taken the diagnosis really badly.

He's very down and tense, he's not sleeping, he gets frustrated easily when dd cries and he's snapping at me over really small things. I know he's depressed and he's admitted it to me, but he won't go to a doctor - I think he would see it as a failure and a step back to several years ago. I'm trying to be patient but it's hard for me as I'm not getting any affection from him (selfish I know, but I'm trying to be honest).

I know it's early days and it will (hopefully) get better, but can I get some advice from those who have been through pnd? What's the best thing that I can do to help him?

I know he probably won't want to but have you looked to see, or been told about by health profs, whether there are any local groups for parents with children with achondroplasia. Perhaps being able to chat about his worries/feelings etc with similar parents might help?

There are support groups around, and we were offered the chance to chat to a local family with an older child with it. You're right though, there's no way he would chat to strangers about it - he can barely bring himself to talk to family/close friends.

I can really sympathise.The My DH suffers terrible depression, and until I had DD he stayed at home as he was too unwell to work. This didn't sit well with him (male pride etc..) after tears of trying, I was finally pregnant. I really worried how DH would cope.
The fact that your dd has achondroplasia, I think is a seperate issue to your DH's depression. Does he have a CPN or psychiatric out patient unit he can use?
My DH coped brilliantly when DD was born, and really came into his own when I was floored with PND. Something I NEVER expected to happen. I hope you and your DH can pull together and get through this, because there is one person in all of this who needs both of you pulling in the same direction.. and that is your beautiful baby daughter.
Good luck and hope everything improves.x

DH no longer has any contact with the psychiatric out patient unit - he's not needed it for years and even when he was there I don't think he was that comfortable using it (it was before I knew him) - typical male likes to work things out himself rather than ask for help, and as I say he doesn't like talking to strangers about things like this.

Thanks for the support though, and I'm glad that you and your dh are coping well.

I have a 5 year old son with achondroplasia if you want to talk. He wasn't diagnosed until he was 6 months old. A huge shock, but he's amazing and just started school 2 weeks ago.