I feel like a nuisance!! Think stereotypical apologising Brit, to the extreme. For example, if the children have an issue at school it will have to be the absolutely last resort for me to go in as I don't want to cause someone extra work or appear to be a nuisance or "one of those moms". If I do have to go in then I don't have the confidence or conviction to say exactly what I think, I will dress it up and sugar coat it to protect their feelings or to smooth things over.
In work, I have to be seen to be completely in control. I feel awkward having to ask for help or admit that I've made a mistake. I am far too harsh on myself and will work extra as I am worried that people will talk about me or criticise.
I think that people are speaking negatively about me. I feel very paranoid sometimes. The thing is I'm not bothered if they are speaking negatively about me, it's more the not knowing whether they are or aren't. Not knowing where I stand with people.
I am a complete people pleaser. I am too hard on my children because I feel that my self worth is based on how they are doing. If DC is in trouble at school for example, I feel unable to rationalise this and it's the end of the world. I have to work so hard to hide this from DC as I don't want to pass this on.
I check DC's social media constantly and scrutinise how other people might view or see their posts. Might it offend someone?
I care far too much about what people think. I seem to care more what acquaintances think than friends. My friends already know me and know what I'm about.
I hate the thought that someone could "get me wrong" or hear something untrue and believe it. I like to be liked.
That sounds very intense but these feelings come and go, at other times I am strong and rational and feel more equipped to deal.
What's going on? Can anyone help pick through that. Thank you