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Mental health

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Original poster

new job disaster

22 replies

applepen · 28/04/2022 22:00

I have always struggle with my menta health due to cptsd. I started a new job recently and it's a work from home one. It's kind of a dream job for me because the only work i could after years of not working was in retail on my feet all day.
But only a few weeks in my internet has been bad.. My work wasn't happy with my processing speed. So I tried to get it fixed. I thought I had it fixed then company shut it off for maintenance for my area without any warning today. I had a meltdown and have been in tears. my manager was texting to ask what I had got done as stuff was needed today. I should probably have set up some way to go into an office tomorrow but instead had a meltdown. If I had worked there a while I could have handled it, but it's still early days and my job is insecure. I am so sad I can't even do this because of things I can't even control. My x husband will say i lost the job on purpose because I am a loser/psycho.

OP posts:

SucculentSunshine · 28/04/2022 22:03

Have you lost the job?
Try not to worry. These things happen. Make a plan to go into the office as often as you can for the internet security.

Escarpahell · 28/04/2022 22:06

Can you lose your husband instead? You can't control your internet connection but you CAN control who is in your life.

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 28/04/2022 22:08

Ok so you have an internet connectivity issue that's out of your control. It's a known risk for all businesses especially with home working.

Now you need to think of solutions.

have you checked with your internet service provider for timelines to resolve so you can communicate that to work, if not do that as soon as you can.

if you wake up tomorrow and there's no internet would you be able to go into the office at late notice, or work from a cafe, or tether to your phone, or use next doors Wi-Fi, or buy 1 days access with BT hot spot (usually about £8 a day), or is there any offline work that you could do if you were given instructions from your boss in a phone call.

I always find it helps if I stop looking at the problem and start looking at possible solutions, it makes me feel more in control and shows my boss that I'm doing the best I can to get the work done.

Original poster

applepen · 28/04/2022 22:09

I am worried. It's a team that is all wfh. And I live a long commute. I realize I knew that before I started I just never had this kind of job before and didn't know how bad my internet would affect it. I quit a job I was liked at for this (although it paid min wage). I feel like the manager where I am now is very type a and maybe they never had issues because they seemed to make a big deal of just some things processed slightly slower (by my internet speed, not me).

OP posts:

Original poster

applepen · 28/04/2022 22:11

i don't think a cafe wifi would be fast enough? they didn't suggest that, just told me to take the day off. I know I sound dramatic. I think I have been so stressed about doing the job well that this has sort of punched a hole in everything for me.

OP posts:

LtGreggs · 28/04/2022 22:12

Take a deep breath and try to approach this with a clear head.

When you say they are not happy with your processing speed - do you mean your Internet speed, or how fast you are processing the work?

Go and work out NOW a couple of options for tomorrow:

Go to the office
Use your phone as a mobile hot-spot for data (work out how)
Go to a local cafe, library, similar
Ask a friend/neighbour/mum to work at theirs

Then have a cup of tea.

Next time, be honest with your manager and do it early. ("I'm having a problem today, the Internet service is completely down. I have done a, b about this so far and am about to try c. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what to try, can you help with any ideas?")

Pro-actively check in with your manager a couple of times a day. Try to find opportunities to be constructive in your interactions.

Ignore your ex husband. What he thinks is neither here nor there.

In general, businesses are struggling to find staff at the moment and it's probably in their interest to bring you on rather than fire you.

If it does all go wrong, you've got a few weeks of experience. Learn from it, put it on your cv & move on.

Original poster

applepen · 28/04/2022 22:13

I know I needed to do more but instead I melted down crying. and yeah I have issues, but I was doing well, I just can't handle this shit

OP posts:

Festivalpartygirl · 28/04/2022 22:15

WFH requires a really good internet connection, are you using Wi-Fi?, if you are, this might be dropping out, consider plugging your computer straight into the hub or use power line adaptors, these give you a hard wire connection to your hub via your plug sockets. This was a game changer for me. Good luck, everyone suffers with their internet at some time or another, just bad timing for you.

Original poster

applepen · 28/04/2022 22:16

they weren't happy with my internet speed. it was a matter of something taking 20 seconds to upload instead of 5, believe it or not, which I got fixed.

but now this happened and I didn't know what to do

OP posts:

Original poster

applepen · 28/04/2022 22:24

I did fix things by connecting directly, calling the provider. things were good for a couple weeks then the whole thing shut off today. I'm having panic attacks. A normal person probably wouldn't. I have acquantances not close friends I am not who I could get to let use their internet when I have never been in their house before even

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OuchitHurtstoomuch · 28/04/2022 23:04

I think a lot of people would find that very stressful OP so don't be too harsh on yourself. Have you someone you can talk to about this? It sounds like you need a big hug and a chat.

What about posting on your local Facebook and asking if there is anywhere local with good Wi-fi for people wfh. There is in our area. It wouldn't be too late to get a reply where I live.
It sounds like it's a good job for you so hopefully you get over this blip.

Original poster

applepen · 28/04/2022 23:31

thank you for your replies. i know it's very late. no, I am a lone parent. my family cut me off for having issues with my bro who assaulted his gf. nice eh? so no one but acquaintances. hence being here. I think I have really screwed things up by having a meltdown when I should have tried harder to sort out tomorrow. I have had a panic disorder in the past, thought I was over it but this has brought it on.

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Original poster

applepen · 28/04/2022 23:31

do you really think its a blip or do you think they will fire me for not responding enough later today?

OP posts:

cornflakedreams · 28/04/2022 23:46

applepen · 28/04/2022 23:31

do you really think its a blip or do you think they will fire me for not responding enough later today?

I think it is a blip that they will easily move on from and forget about.

I also think your cptsd is making you feel unsafe and activating a sense of shame you don't deserve to feel.

You haven't failed. You're not a loser or a psycho. You're in a very stressful situation, putting a lot of pressure on yourself, and dealing with a condition that makes everyday activities really challenging.

Starting a new job, settling into a remote team, getting to grips with everything, building relationships and proving yourself - those things are stressful and challenging for anyone. It is understandable you're feeling rubbish after today but it is only a blip not a disaster.

Tomorrow is a new day. Don't let today - or how today has left you feeling - spoil tomorrow. And don't let yourself self-sabotage because you feel you deserve to fail/be fired or are scared that will happen (the old "I don't want to be fired so I'll resign" thought process even though there's no prospect of you being fired, that type of self-sabotaging).

Use your breathing and grounding strategies. Extend yourself some kindness.

OuchitHurtstoomuch · 29/04/2022 00:35

What is your plan for tomorrow?
How about sending an email outline what happened, apologising and explaining what you are doing to make sure it doesn't happen again. Maybe offer to make up the work lost or offer to take the day off as leave.
Have you found some way to get good internet for tomorrow?

AzazaelsFury · 29/04/2022 03:40

I WFH permanently we have no office to go to so I always have a back up. Either mobile data or the wireless dongle internet. I currently have a large data plan on my mobile so hotspot when the net is down. I also have a back up battery generator for if power is out to plug PC or laptop into. Just to minimise downtime should anything happen. I think having a back up for internet is important in jobs like this.
Or you just have to be prepared to physically go to a library or similar. This happened to me once and I ended up in some community hall and decided I'd never have that situation happen again.

LIZS · 29/04/2022 08:37

Take a deep breath. Separate the issues.

If your bb speed is slow you have already taken steps with your supplier to resolve that. Is it the line or do you have other users, devices or programmes slowing it down . Can you close down anything not required. Are you required to use a vpn, we find that in itself can slow response times, and other public wifi may not be an option. Is offering to go into the office possible a day or so a week? Is that a longer term expectation?

As regards your mh, what support do you have? Apologise to your manager if you were upset with them but explain how you want to succeed in this role but feel frustrated. Is it just the technical issue or are you struggling with the workload itself or lack of face to face interaction. How can they support you? Do they know about your mh issues? Are you clear on what you have to do and how, and their expectations. Try to be proactive about it and above all ignore your ex. Sounds like he is at least part of the reason for your lack of self confidence and stress.

Good luck

Smartiepants79 · 29/04/2022 08:46

All I would say is that you need to try and communicate clearly with your boss. This is not your fault and hopefully should be fixed quickly.
As other have suggested I would now try and find an alternative place to work in case you need it - cafes etc…. Surely a slow processing speed is better than no processing speed at all???
AS far as work is concerned this should be all about how you try and fix the problem.

Shgytfgtf111 · 29/04/2022 08:50

Get a booster for your WiFi :)

OuchitHurtstoomuch · 29/04/2022 13:47

How are you doing today OP?

Original poster

applepen · 29/04/2022 22:35

Things turned out okay. I think they are ignoring it. I can't control when the high speed service is cut off. And no, I am not allowed to use random wifi sources, and yes I direct connect with vpn, etc.

I thank the people who posted supportive messages on here but think not everyone was understanding I had an actual panic attack and was posting in 'mental health' for a reason. It was really hard to pull myself back together this morning. I felt really dead and down and washed out. But I still have a job, for now, yayyy....

OP posts:

Smartiepants79 · 01/05/2022 11:35

That’s good news that they sound sensible and understanding.
Hopefully that will be reassuring for you.
I would now try and have a back up plan so you know what to do and how you would deal with it if something similar happened again. That might make you feel more in control and less stressed.

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