Post abortion sadness (please don’t judge)

[jayel02]

Hi everyone,

Reaching out to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation. A couple of days ago I had a medical termination and I now deeply regret it and feel so sad, I just want to be pregnant again. The pregnancy was unplanned and my partners mental state was and still is in bits due to overworking and stress, we decided in 2 years time when we’re 34 we’ll try again as we still have so much travelling to do and our house at the moment is a building site as it’s about to go under a massive/costly renovation. Anyway, I wanted to ask, has anyone experienced how I’m feeling before and does it go away? Also, getting pregnant at 34... is it much harder like what everywhere you read on the internet makes out? I’m terrified I blew my only chance and I keep getting extreme waves of guilt and fear.
Sorry if the talk of termination is upsetting to anyone. Just looking for some advice. X

Hi Jayel,
I'm sorry that you're going through that :( I havent been in your situation exactly and can't offer advice, but I can tell you that I accidentally got pregnant at 34 (took the morning after pill and all), and if you got pregnant accidentally at 32 I doubt you will have any problems conceiving at 34 :)
I would definitely recommend speaking to someone about this though, those are really heavy feelings you're going through. There are hotlines you can call for someone to talk to about this. Also, you could consider posting in pregnancy choices too, I have seen several posts in the same vein as yours over there.
Sending you hugs xx

It took me 20 odd years and 4 children to forgive myself for an abortion I had as a teenager. No advice but hugs, be very gentle with yourself, you made a valid choice.

I had one 4 years ago. Under different circumstances as I already had a child and to the outside world there was no logical reason that I couldn't have another. Except I knew I could not cope with it for several very valid reasons.

Initially I blocked it out and threw myself into work. Then allowed myself to feel sad about it. I had to keep telling myself it was for the right reasons though and so must you.

Take care

Not had any experience, but its ok to mourn your baby even though it was your choice to end the pregnancy. Sometimes life is just against you, xxx

Please don’t punish yourself for what happened. You were trying to do the right thing under extremely difficult circumstances. And those circumstances are still the same so don’t rush into putting yourself under further stress.
There’s no reason why you won’t be able to have another baby when the time is right. I had my first child very young and then two more after the age of 36. All successful pregnancies. Be kinder to yourself. No decent person is going to judge you harshly, you’ve suffered enough. Time now to get your head together, look after yourself and come to terms with the past. 🦋🦋🦋

Just remember why you made the decision to have the abortion in the first place. A home like a building site and partner with MH and stress not really a good place to bring a new baby.

Thank you for the kind support everyone. It’s helping a lot. I have phoned for counselling as it was offered to me from the clinic post termination but the woman on the phone just said it was a 12 month waiting list and she was sorry, not much help if I’m honest but I understand. x

I had a termination 22 years ago and even now I still remember the date of the termination and what the baby’s ‘due date’ was.

Every year, on that date, I still think about the baby that might have been.

It took me about 10 years to reach a point where I no longer felt angry at myself, or upset about what happened so although I always remember the dates every year, I am no longer emotionally affected by them.

Deciding to terminate can be very, very difficult for some women and the emotional after effects can stay with the woman for a long time.

Be kind to yourself OP, you’ve been through something very difficult so allow yourself to feel sad if that’s how you feel xx

J