I don't really expect answers, because at the moment things just are what they are. By the summer I anticipate life being a completely different experience, but at the moment I am having trouble dealing with the situation. I don't think I want to write a story, but rather a list of things in the manner of shouting about it.
I am American, in the US. In August, myself, DH and DD moved across the country from Seattle to Austin TX. My DH is permanently disabled with Diastrophic Dysplasia which was horribly complicated by the very cold and wet weather Seattle has nine months of the year. Pain in ever joint so severe that often he couldn't walk. Every time we came to TX to visit, I saw an almost instant change in him; walking without a big hitch, playing with DD outside etc. In fact he is now working with his brother as a welder, something that would be impossible in Seattle. This is why despite feeling that I HATE it here and wanting to scream/throw things/throttle people, I am determined to stick it out.
We moved in August. It is now January. I still do not have a job (am main earner). Apply several positions every day but either am blown off, or after an interview never hear from them again until I call and am told they hire someone else. I have tried calling earlier but am fobbed off (dh laughs when I say things like that I pick up from MN!). I've gotten us on some benefits that do help out, but I want a job for God's sake.
We are living with my SIL and her three teenagers. They are building a new house across the street which will be done in July, at which point we take over payment on this house. SIL tries not to be but is judgemental about my parenting. Tells me I need to "spank that kid". Feeds DD total crap when I am not around knowing how I feel about it.
The teens are not actually hers, they are her brother's children. Their mother is a thieving, lying drug addict who prostitutes for drug money when she hasn't stolen things to pawn. I am not exaggerating. Their father (my BIL) is a drug addict and a felon who is just about to have probation revoked and be sent to prison for life (Three felonies in TX and you're in for life). Just before Christmas it was discovered that BIL was doing drugs again and had run up $30,000 in bad checks. PILs tried to pay things off but gave up after he refused to go to rehab and the debt mounted over $15,000. On Christmas day BIL went completely nuts and tried to attack FIL, then stormed out but detoured to the shed (where guns are kept, this is rural TX after all). I was up at our house cooking(just up the driveway) and was called on the phone and told to lock the doors and stay inside as BIL was on the street out front with a gun and no one knew what he would do. He eventually hitched a ride, but it was really horrible holed up and feeling afraid my own BIL might try to break in for something to pawn. I could go on and on here.
SIL was given custody of the children 8 years ago but the parents retained visiting rights. Everytime they go to see their mother on a Sunday (if she shows up) they come back poisoned, spouting hideous lies that she's told them, such as SIL is spending their child support on us. What freaking child support? The woman is 8 years in arrears!! Or that their grandparents love my daughter more than them because the grandparents hate her and like me.
Two of the teenagers are severely emotionally damaged by all this and are horrific to live with. They youngest has ADHD and ODD. He acts mean, nasty and vindictive. I feel awful because he is family, I love him and would do anything for him...but I don't like him. Yesterday he ignored me when I said dinner was ready, then was very rude to DH when he repeated that it was ready. DH turned off the PS3, nephew then threw his chair and ran from the room, saying "Shut up you fucking faggot I hate your fucking guts." When I see these scenes winding up I remove DD before he blows, thankfully she rarely witnesses these things. The eldest girl acts very defiant, rude, selfish, mean and vindictive and incredibly jealous of my DD. Please do note that I say the children act this way, not that they are this way. I don't believe children are bad, but they behavior is wrong. DD acts these ways sometimes, and I generally respond with the "You are very angry, those words hurt" etc. Granted she is only six. But it makes me cringe that every time these scenes come about SIL punishes them by whipping them on the legs with a doubled up belt. I see it as abuse. She rarely gets to the belt point, but it does happen.
The eldest and youngest teens abuse the family's Chihuahua. I want to pinch the shit out of them and see how they like it.
The middle daughter has somehow emerged relatively unscathed. She's a pain in the rear quite frequently, but in a normal teenage way. The other two are "normal teenage behavior" amplified many times.
DH works with his brother, and does get paid but it is unpredictable when and how much. Last week he was paid $20 out of $160. It's frustrating.
I think I'll be done now. Of course I could go on, but I feel a little better and to be honest I am getting sick of listening to my own bleating.
Of, forgot one thing. One reason I am having a hard time dealing with life is that I have been on ADs for years, and now suddenly can't afford them and have gone off cold turkey. I feel like a a headcase. I never actually do anything but I frequently see in my mind kicking holes in walls, throwing things at people etc. And there are days it's hard just to get out of bed.
BAH!!!! Come on JULY!!!
Oh, and have a job interview tomorrow. I'm praying hard on that one.