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Mental health

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Just sooo down...

1 reply

Randomguy123 · 25/04/2022 10:17

Hi,

I don't even know how I arrived here.
I am not a mum, and not even a woman...

I am just a random mid 30's Dad who on the surface of things has a good life that many people would probably wish for.
By that, I don't mean I have lots of money or any fancy things, but what I do have is a loving partner and a son who is my rock ( 10 ).
I also have a car, a mortgage and a job that pays enough to pay the bills and have a tiny bit left over.

I am realistic, I know there are people in much more difficult place than me - I am grateful for what I have.

What I don't know is that despite all of the above I feel so down and stressed... it's eating me from inside out.

I can't really put my finger on it, I just don't know what it is...
Every morning I wake up anxious, I sort my son out - of course whilst pretending everything is great and keeping up with the laughs whilst misleading him into thinking that everything is ok... but why wouldn't I? He is a child and I love him.

Once I take him to school, I'll get to my office ( home ) turn on my computer and start... crying and revisiting thoughts in my head to try and understand - I am doing this now.

Life is hard, responsibilities are overwhelming and as my partner also suffers with mental health ( managed well, but hasn't always been like that ) - the pressure to continue to be upbeat is draining.... I often fail.

Now that we are in spring, sometimes I get a smell of blossoming trees which instantly brings back my childhood memories - the happy memories.
Memories that almost instantly seem to make everything else insignificant, but at the same time signify how unhappy I am.

Work is hard, I feel the pressure - changing job is not an option or an answer... I like where I work and who I work with - it's the pressure I hate.

Then there is home life, as mentioned above - I try, but fail.
I remain upbeat and don't show sadness, but instead get grumpy and always snap... probably doing more harm than good.

I don't open up to my partner, she has enough on her plate.

Friedns? Well, I don't really have any and those that I do are for a bit of a laugh - not for a serious conversation.

Family? Other than the people under my roof I am on my own.

I thought about going to doctors for a long while now, but something just keeps stopping me inside... telling me it'll pass and sometimes it does for a few days, maybe a week.

Life feels like a rat race... what is the point?
I set myself goals and keep telling myself that once I achieve "X" things will get better.
Mortgage for example, I've been working 2 full time jobs for almost 3 years to save the deposit. I did it... we did it.
Now I live in a house I've worked for and achieved my goal, but nothing changed - I feel just as sad.
The same could be said for a company car I always dreamt of - Now I have one, and it hasn't made me happy.

I've worked so hard for everything, but can't help but feel deflated that despite my own assurances nothing has changed... it makes me feel like "what's the point"?

I never think about taking my life, but sometimes I feel it would be easier if I wasn't around.

I guess I am not really asking anything, it's just a whine - a whine to "strangers" so that I can keep up the appearances to the people around me.

I am sorry, but thank you for reading!

OP posts:
Amz6219 · 25/04/2022 17:36

It sounds like you are almost blaming yourself for feeling the way you do, it isn’t your fault.

There’s so much at play, from hormones to environment and just because you are doing ok financially etc doesn’t mean you have to be super happy! You can be grateful but still not feel right.

I think as soon as we have children you start questioning your mortality and it can spiral but there are definitely things you can do, starting with talking to the doctor - you will be so surprised how understanding they are. I was terrified but got to the point I was suicidal and my DH had to call for me as emergency, they were concerned not judgemental and that time I wound up on sertraline. I always said I’d never go on meds, don’t know why and don’t know why there is a stigma, but it was the best thing I ever did! The first few days were tough but once I was settled on them it was just me on a good day, every day :)

There’s also the option of CBT or counselling, and you can often self refer through self help with your local authority, if you try a search engine.

Plus of course the usual good diet, yoga, exercise and fresh air which works wonders :)

Hope you feel better but don’t blame yourself and get the help that is available to you because once you do you will wonder why you put it off! X

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