Depression support chat anyone ?

[Sorry1982]

Hi everyone
I suffer very bad depression. It’s caused by having an abortion that I deeply regret. The grief and pain is unbearable. I’ve been finding it hard to get out of bed lately and think about suicide a lot of the time . Mornings are the worst for me I seem to perk up abit in the late afternoon/ evening . Does anyone else on here have depression and want to chat ? It can be any reason not just from abortion, that’s just what started mine. I don’t have any friends so thought it would be nice to help each other ?

Hi OP I wanted to reply to you last night but my reply wouldn't post.
I'm afraid I don't have any experience with this but wanted to give your post a gentle bump for someone with more experience to come along

Thankyou. Do you think I’ve posted the thread in the right place ?

Hi Op. handhold here you will likely get more replies if you post in the mental health section.

Have you spoken to your GP? You are not alone. I am in recovery from depression and have finally got my life back, although I do have some down days.

Thanks I think I will post this on there to. Yes the G.P know and I’m currently on medication. Unfortunately for me nothing will ever help as I will never get over what I did. What helped you recover from depression?

Hi OP I have private messaged you x

OP it won’t let me private message for some reason. I have been where you have been. How long ago was this? I honestly wanted to die everyday. I couldn’t function and I’m genuinely amazed I managed to keep my job. I was a mess. Every morning I remember the darkness hit and I literally did not know how I would survive. I felt guilt, regret, absolute desperation. My whole world was darkness. I would eat and feel sick and guiltily. I couldn’t enjoy anything. I genuinely believed I would never laugh again. I didn’t want to go on. I thought I had killed a life (this is not the case - abortion is carried out when a fetus cannot feel and is not a person). I didn’t find counselling helped much, though I would encourage you try it as it may help you. What I found helped most was having a quiet life for a while and doing things for others as much as I could. Buying a friend a nice card or leaving my neighbour some flowers.

what I will say is that after six months I started to function better. I was still a mess but I could hold a conversation etc. I was still massively triggered by things and if someone mentioned pregnancy or baby clothes or anything remotely similar actually. Around ten months later I was very delicate still and found out a relative was expecting. I am still not sure to this day how I handled that. But by a year I was more ‘me’ again. I stopped being so unkind to myself. I remembered that so many women go through this and don’t talk about it. So many women have miscarriages. Whilst that is different it is also similar. You will get through this I promise. I remebered the first time I laughed, properly and that was a massive turning point for me.

finally I will say that I’ve always had delicate mental health - I have a good career and friendships etc but suffered with general anxiety throughout my life. I never thought I would get through what happened but I did.

you will have had your reasons for termination. Do you want to talk about it? Happy to chat further but understand if you don’t want to go into detail. be kind to yourself, you’ve not done anything wrong, although I know how it can feel that way when in the middle of the emotions. 💐

@PutThatAway
Thankyou so much for your kind message. It sounds very similar to how I feel now. Each morning feels like torture as I don’t want to wake up at all . When I do I have a gut wrenching pain in my stomach like nerves but 10 times worse. I’m assuming this is guilt . I think about the abortion all day long , before bed and as soon as I wake up. I even dream about it and have nightmares. It was 5 years ago now but at first it didn’t affect me . I was so busy with my kids and life I just carried on . I thought about it from time to time but not all the time.
Then In March something switched in my brain. I saw a newborn baby in Asda , then I watched 22 kids and counting . I know it sounds stupid but it’s like those 2 things started this enormous wave of WTF have I actually done ? I’ve killed a baby, my own baby . It’s completely knocked me for six. I had a massive mental breakdown and came very close to suicide. I haven’t recovered since and still can’t believe what I’ve done . I was a single mum to two kids but women cope with more than that they don’t go off and just kill there own baby ! I mean if that lady can manage 22 I’m sure I would have managed one more.
So at the moment I just make sure my kids are fed and clean and the house is as clean as possible. Apart from that I just stay at home and sleep, be depressed and take tablets . I don’t want to live but will try and carry on for my children as it will ruin there lives if I die .

@PutThatAway
can I ask do you have children ? I admire you for keeping your job I’ve had to get sick notes of the doctor. I’m waiting for counselling but doubt there’s much they can say as nothing will bring my baby back. This pain feels worse than when my dad died a few years ago. That may sound horrible but he had a life and enjoyed himself. I took that away from that baby and didn’t even give it a chance of life .

Hi OP. So sorry to hear this. How far along were you and what were your reasons for termination? Any reason is a sufficient reason but it helps to remind yourself why.

plently of women terminate because they can’t afford to give more than two children a decent life. Plenty of people would find 22 children very irresponsible! And that’s why it’s on a tv show as it’s not the norm and actually it’s unfair in many ways on those children…there is no way they will each get the support they need or could have had, even emotionally.

did this happen before your children? How old are they?

you have not killed your baby. Abortion is an extension of the morning after pill and yes, it’s not the same, but it is stopping the progression of a pregnancy. There is some literature that also suggests the morning after pill stops the attachment to the womb and not the conception. These are all grey areas and the point is that stopping a pregnancy is not killing a baby. That has not happened. You have no idea if you would have carried to term and you have no idea on the impact on your other children.

you sound like a great mum.

We cross posted. I’m currently pregnant.

*not just the conception

@PutThatAway
oh wow your pregnant? How far gone are you ? Congratulations!

I was 6 weeks pregnant when I had the termination. I’d taken the MAP but it didn’t work. I tried home remedies first ( won’t put on here so no one can copy ) but that didn’t work. Then I went to the clinic but it felt wrong so I left . Then I panicked and rebooked a few days later. Even when I was getting changed it felt wrong and I wanted to leave .
reasons were mainly how I was going to look after my kids while I was being sick as I always get very sick and then terrible back ache. Then it was mainly worried about what everyone else would think of me being a single mum to another child and not having a job at the time either . The dad wasn’t interested. Then I wanted abit of life to myself which is stupid now as I’ve actually ruined my life and don’t do anything. I’m actually a worse parent now to my 2 kids as I’m so depressed they are missing out . If I’d of had the baby at least I’d have been happy .

Are you seeing a therapist?

@PutThatAway
Abortion is an extension of the morning after pill and yes, it’s not the same, but it is stopping the progression of a pregnancy.

this is how I used to think of it to . Even if you didn’t use any contraception it’s just like the next step of birth control. That’s why I’ve never been against abortion or it dosnt bother me at all for another women . It just seems to be for myself it feels so wrong.

@KittenKong
no I’m on the waiting list for counselling. Can’t afford to pay for a private therapist

Anyone suffering with depression and want to chat ? X

Bumping my post

@sorry1982 just checking in to see how you're doing?