Absolutely plagued by anxiety, OCD and intrusive thoughts

[peachytum]

For as long as I can remember I’ve suffered from anxiety, poor self esteem and intrusive thoughts.

It’s got to the point now where my brain is so self aware of absolutely everything I’m doing. It’s constantly thinking of my problems, whether I’m good enough etc etc.

Because it’s gone on for so long, I realised that I can’t even sit in the car and drive without thinking of problems (mainly my relationship as it’s caused a strain on it too). I can’t just ever relax, drive home from work and just think happy normal thoughts.

My brain is on overdrive ALL THE TIME and it’s EXHAUSTING. My mum even noticed that I can articulate this well but when we talk about it, I switch off. She thinks my brain is so tired of fighting it that I can’t even focus anymore.

I’ve tried therapy, am waiting for more and have just started medication. This battle has gone on for years and I’ve never felt more brain-clogged. My brain has such a deep belief of not being good enough and being so self aware that it’s so hard to change. I don’t even have the motivation to get up and do it.

How long have you been on medication? You need to give it several weeks to really start working. Also, different medications work best for different people. I was put on Sertraline for anxiety and it didn’t do anything for me. My doctor switched me to Escitalopram and it had an impact in three weeks. So don’t give up, things can get a lot better.💐

I don’t really have any advice but can completely relate to what you’re saying. Deep down I just feel not good enough in every aspect of my life. Some of mine I think stems from childhood and my mother who constantly compared us unfavourably to other people and other kids. I remember her once saying to me “you’re not the kind of daughter I wanted”. I’ve also considered whether im autistic (two children with autism).

Was anything uncovered in therapy about why you feel not good enough? I considered therapy but I’m not sure I’ll ever remove the feeling of not being good enough, it’s now like it is hard wired in.

thats why I personally knew I needed medication, because the anxiety just wouldn’t go away, even with counseling.