Intrusive OCD Paternity thoughts

[MonkeyPlush94]

I would like to say I'VE NEVER CHEATED with my partner... but lately I've been having intrusive paternity thoughts about who my baby belongs too (False memories and OCD)

I would start of by saying I'm 27 weeks pregnant due in July. Me and my partner were trying for a baby.. All was well until I hit 25 weeks and started obsessing over ''what ifs'' it came out the blue and because I'm glued on one scenario I've been obsessing over it for many many hours in a day to the point where it has made me cry and I had to ask people for reassurance...

7 days before I got my positive pregnant test results I had a night in our household drinking (my partner wasn't there) with 3 of my sisters, my sisters boyfriend, my sisters partners two friends who are both 10 years younger than me and my partners dad. I drank a fair bit that night and blacked out and went to bed and woke up the next morning like nothing happened - this night is what I'm obsessing over... for no reason because it was the only night I've had without my partner and I'm obsessing over the fact someone came into my room and slept with me/raped me and they had super sperm which made me pregnant and that my baby isn't really my partners. I have no thought to even think ANYTHING happened.... I even remember waking up the next morning with my clothes still on and a stinking hangover, I've been obsessing over this night now only recently scared with what happened. I've asked two of my sisters if anyone came into my room and raped me (ruling out my partners dad as he's a severe alcoholic and couldn't walk properly that night) but I'm so scared my sisters friend came into my room and slept with me even though they PROMISED no-one did.. apart of me is thinking (Are they lying to cover it up) and then I'm thinking no way would they do that especially when my sister swore on her sons life... I have had an obsessing with conception dates and keep saying to myself ''Well if it did happen THEN i know my baby is definitely my partners as I know when I ovulated which was a blood test and then had sex a day or two after that and my ultrasound and due date brings me back to that specific date we both had sex which was 5 nights before that night happened'' Then I also tell myself ''Well if it did happen also I won't be able to get a positive pregnancy test 6 and a half days after having sex especially since my pregnancy test lines were super strong and clear blue came up with 2-3 weeks''

Is this just my head? or did something actually happen and my sisters are covering it up? I trust my sisters and they would know if anyone even came into my room that night because they are very self aware of their surroundings (If someone isn't around for even the littlest bit they will go and search for them) I'm seeing a counsellor next Friday about it because it's driving me insane... someone PLEASE reassure me.

@MonkeyPlush94 Oh love. Talk to your midwife as well as your counsellor. These intrusive thoughts are just that. You've had your dating scan, you KNOW when you conceived, you trust your sisters, but your mental health is picking at this.

I can't really help but a very close friend of mine suffers with similar thoughts - they are utter rubbish, never happened events that she torments herself with endlessly, looking at possible scenarios and sifting through her life for non existent evidence. It's exhausting her, affecting her marriage and making her so miserable. CBT has helped but it's a horrible spiral I urge you to get lots of help with before the sleep deprivation and post natal hormones kick in and make it worse. Sending hugs.

Thank you for reassuring me! It's awful these thoughts and the worst part is.... we know they're irrational, but our mind is saying it isnt! I'm speaking to someone next Friday! @RinklyRomaine

From what I know about OCD it isn't logical. So even if you know who the dad is - and of course you do - OCD doesn't work like that, it continues to torment. Reassurance doesn't really work long term, it can 'feed' OCD. Ignoring the thoughts (if you can, I know it's so difficult) might be a better approach.
Glad to hear you're seeking help with this, OCD can be so very debilitating.

I mean the following in a helpful way - in future it would be a good idea to try to avoid drinking until you lose control and black out. It's not good for your mental or physical health.
Wishing you the very best, OP.

@Marynotsocontrary I'm not drinking anymore (OBV being pregnant) but even afterwards I'm not going to drink to get drunk!

So should I stop asking my sisters for reassurance? I was going to ask them again this afternoon when I head over there to take my sister to work!?!

Stop asking your sisters.

Your intrusive thought is nothing more than that.
A random intrusive thought that scares you.
So the more you try and block it the more it circles back.
Work on accepting that you are having the thought, it scares you but it is obviously false.

Good luck with the baby OP.

@backtobusy What's the best way to accept it and to move on :)?

@MonkeyPlush94

@Marynotsocontrary I'm not drinking anymore (OBV being pregnant) but even afterwards I'm not going to drink to get drunk!

So should I stop asking my sisters for reassurance? I was going to ask them again this afternoon when I head over there to take my sister to work!?!

Why are you going to ask them again? Do you think they lied before?

The thing is, no one here can reassure you. That's not how intrusive thoughts work. They are not rational and any rational explanation is being discounted by you. Do you have a history of any anxiety or OCD? Perinatal anxiety is not unusual but it's hard to know if this is new from your post.

Glad you are seeing a counsellor - have you talked to your midwife? Do keep them in the loop, they will want to help.

Reassurance is the 'compulsive' part of OCD. It's part of the cycle and it doesn't work to stop the intrusive thoughts for very long. That's the problem with it. It's like scratching an itch can make it worse. Ideally, don't seek reassurance, accept the thought as an instusive one and try to distract yourself from it.
You do need help and support from professionals to deal with this.

Hi . MonkeyPlush94.
Do you have an anxiety disorder or OCD anyway?
I've had OCD for years and this happened to me with my first pregnancy.
Like you it didnt surface till weeks into my pregnancy.
I've had CBT which I found useful but I still have episodes of intrusive thoughts/anxiety now. The themes change and sometimes the episodes are a couple of weeks sometimes longer.
Like previous posters have said seeking reassurance doesnt work but I know that's easier said than done .
There is a wonderful woman called Diana Wilson who you should google. She had this with all four of her pregnancies and she founded a charity called maternal OCD. She really is worth looking into.
You'd be surprised how common this can be with anxious people. I totally understand the sheer panic and anxiety you feel. Also there is a man on facebook called Shannon Shy. He has recovered from debilitating OCD. Obviously not pregnancy related but to be honest OCD is OCD regardless of the theme.
Also Bryony Gordon's stuff i find good. She also had these intrusive thoughts when she was pregnant.
Sending hugs. X

As Marynotsocountary says accept that it is an intrusive thought, "okay, so that intrusive thought is back"
Then don't try and push it away. Maybe more like,
"You can sit there in my head if you want to but I'm not giving you more attention"
Then focus on something else. If it comes back acknowledge it is back again and refocus on something else.
Your counselor will be able to support you with this.

Does your partner know about your anxieties? Could you ask your partner what he would do if it turned out you had been raped on that night and conceived the baby? If he's a decent partner he'd probably say-he'd stay and bring the baby up as if he was his own, right? Can you take the fear out of the situation in your mind-it might help you to stop ruminating?

@RinklyRomaine I asked again for reassurance except it was to my sisters boyfriend not my sisters!!! I’ve always battled with anxiety, OCD not so much!

Im not going to ask for reassurance again because it’s getting embarrassing and I think I’ve asked enough now!

@villamariavintrapp Yeah he knows he thinks I’m being stupid and he told me to get help lol

@backtobusy I done exactly that today! The thought was there in my head but I didn’t give it much attention at all and I didn’t push it away. It seemed to help today!

@Ilovedogs1 yeah I’ve had anxiety since I was 10, I’m now 27… x

I know reassurance doesn’t help but it does a little bit but I’m gonna stop asking now!! That’s 3 people I’ve asked out of the 6 there I need to believe them even tho my anxiety is telling me not too! I really hope these thoughts go. I’ve been good today, they’ve popped up but haven’t given it much attention!

UPDATE: I'm going to see a counsellor this Friday 😀

Good luck OP, you got this!

you’ve gotten great advice on here, and I’m so glad you’re getting to speak to a counsellor tomorrow.

I'm glad you're getting some help from the counsellor but please also talk to your midwife, it may be worth a referral to the perinatal mental health team- mental health problems often resurface or get worse during and after pregnancy, and having a history of mental health problems puts you at risk of developing something even more severe like post partum psychosis.

They can offer you more support throughout your pregnancy and put you on an extended pathway of care after you give birth, to make sure you have the support you need around you in the crazy few weeks after giving birth.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

@addler My thoughts have been better this week than last week! Last week was so horrible I thought I was going insane!!!!!!!!

@DrPrepper Thank you, I wrote the same post on another thread and got great advice on there.. It helps when other girls have went through the SAME PROBLEM

PANDA (mental health for pregnancy and new mothers) over the phone said I'm really good at understanding how irrational these thoughts are (which they are)

I'm just SO lucky my sisters are understanding and theyve reassured me, I asked for reassurance again the Friday just gone from another person (my sisters partner) and he reassured me again saying his friends arent like that :)

Update.. counselling is helping :D