Life is so hard

[Dreamitaway]

Hi all,
First off I want to start off by saying that this is not a beggy post. I do not and will not accept any kind of money offers, I just wish to have a safe place where I can vent and maybe get advice.

In 2018 I became very unwell mentally. I was unable to work and have claimed PIP and ESA since. I've absolutely hated not working, I feel judged all the time and I just feel ashamed however I've been so unwell, there was no way I would have held my job down.

However, with the rising prices of everything which are only going to get worse, I'm literally skint 24/7. I'm currently minus 200 in the bank with an unarranged overdraft. I'm sleeping on a completely broken bed because I can't afford to buy a new one or even a second hand one. Rent is a constant worry and I just about manage to do it and so I've had to get a job. I am concerned about how I will cope but I'm also hoping it may help me to get out of the house and have some kind of identity other than mum.

All this money worries, sleeping on a broken bed, not eating properly is having such a bad effect on my mental health. I'm constantly exhausted, I just don't know how I'm going to survive. I'm notbgoing to be that much better off in work so I'm worried how I'm going to live. My kids desperately need new school shoes and uniform, I feel so embarrassed. I just don't know what to do.

Hi,
I am so sorry your going through this. It sounds incredibly difficult.

Ive struggled with my mental healfh the last year and a half since having dd. I canf imagine going through this with major financial worries on top. You are very strong.

Where do you live? Reason I ask is there are organisations where I am that help with school uniform for kids. And i with furniture too. Hopefully there's something in your area that could do the same. Sometimes local authorities offer an emegency fund for these things . Feel free to pm me if you like I could help you have a look.

Xx

Also to say, please do not feel ashamed. You have had a major illness. There is no way you can work during that. There is no shame in that.
Please make contact with citizens advice or your local council or Google community organisations in your area that help with things like food and clothing. You need to be eating to look after you and your kids. Please pm me anytime xx

Contact Christians Against Poverty. They can help you get your financies under control and often will offer/source other practical help, like a new bed.

There is no judgement here for you not working. Many of us have fallen on hard times in the last and have needed a hand.

Are there any charities offering free counselling in your area? Maybe if you gave us an idea of roughly where you are people could point you in the right direction.

There is help out there.

OP you're not alone. Your post reminded me of something I read a few years ago (turns out "few" was seven..time flies). It was in the guardian about psychologists and poverty at the time of austerity. I think this must be multiplied exponentially now.

"“People’s psychological experience is exacerbated by their social situation. Some people are really struggling to feed their families, or worrying about whether they can pay their heating bills over the winter. Their debts are mounting up and they’re not able to find a way out,” Weatherhead says.“It feels a bit crass trying to work with someone on their depression or anxiety, when that depression or anxiety is well-founded because they’re at risk of losing their home, or not being able to feed their kids.” Stress, depression and anxiety can be completely debilitating, he says, and when this stress is caused by hardship, trying to combat it through talking therapies feels like ignoring the reality of the situation."
(From here: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/aug/17/psychologists-march-to-highlight-devastating-impact-of-cuts-on-mental-health)

I have an illness that has also made me exhausted and unable to do anything. That in itself I've found depressing. Mine kind of comes and goes, not sure if yours is the same every day or in waves.

This is from personal experience, and I'm sharing in case it helps give ideas, not to imply you could be doing things better because I actually don't believe that. Personally when I've been depressed I've not been able to think wifely about things and when exhausted and depressed, not think about much at all other than feeling shite. So in that vein...

I found that while I couldn't go out and work, I could do some online study. I've focussed on an area I hope to work in one day and done small courses, eventually more official ones. Everything can be done slowly and in bite sized pieces and it fitted around kids and being ill (or less ill) because it was online. As time has gone on SO much more is available online for free. And recently I discovered that Google has a kind of free online university of tech learning. All the universities have free mini online courses too.

So this hasn't made me un-ill BUT it has helped lift my spirits and give me something of mine to do that isn't only being at home ill and tired. People always talk about except use for depression, fresh air etc and that's all good but sometimes you don't have the energy to get out for it (esp when ill too). Having something that sparks interest in the brain has been helpful for me.

I'm sorry none of this can fix things for you. But sharing on the off chance something can be useful in some way.