Disappointed in myself

[Iwillgotothegym]

I’ve just found out that I was successful in keeping job (potential redundancy but actually people left.) I should be over the moon, was yesterday has been so stressful went out for a meal to celebrate today. Today I found out that one of our team is moving to a new senior job and one got a senior post in this
team.

I’m disappointed in myself for not having the vision and self belief to be even applying for those jobs. So back to feeling low about myself. My god I feel useless. I’m not jealous (at least I think not) just deflated.

I need to be getting more stable jobs like they now have.

I don’t want to be trite but congratulations on retaining your job - now how to work on your self confidence against a backdrop of stability??

Thanks. It has been incredibly stressful- a Tupe transfer and I’ve never been through that before. I suppose the disappointment is knowing my job was never actually at risk. They didn’t make any redundancy in the end.

I’m old (40s). How do people do it? Even just this tiny thing doesn’t have me thinking “I could do that, let me try look at self confidence and try for it next time”. Instead “I could do that, I’m useless pointless and various dark (not that dark comparatively) thoughts.

Bump - just at the minute feel ridiculously needy and no one irl to turn to. Don’t mind if you give me a reality check. I know I am lucky to have a job at all.

How are you feeling today?

I'm thinking there's been so many emotions and feelings over this stressful time there's no wonder you're feeling like this.

It may look like they're onto bigger and better things but you never know what's around the corner.

If you can try and focus on the here and now. Congratulations on retaining your job. You can use this as a focus to get back to doing your job like before but also having a look at what else is out there. Look for jobs similar to what your colleagues got and have a read at the job descriptions and specifications. You don't need to apply but you could start building your cv accordingly as an exercise on what you're good at and what goals you want to aim for?

Thank you. Today is calmer and fully on holiday. I just wish my MH would keep stable without bad thoughts even if I was sad or disappointed. Makes it harder to get back to neutral. Also everyone else irl still (correctly) delighted for me.

Just need to get through Easter (literally am Catholic so church each day thurs-sunday

Have you spoken with your GP about how you feel?

Hi @MyrtlethePurpleTurtle thanks for asking I’m generally good with my depression as long as I take meds regularly and just having support here or Samaritans to chat with.

Think this has been a build up because job has been uncertain for months. I’ll go through it again next year unless I find more stability.

It's been an uncertain time within a massively uncertain time of pandemic so don't be hard on yourself.

I've had to REALLY work on self esteem and confidence but my mum was just like you and it made such an impression on my when I was younger that I promised myself I would never pass something up because of a confidence issue. I suffer with depression and have experienced that frustration but since working and practicing self esteem and greater confidence it's come. Through experiences like yours I've used that to fuel my choices in the future - use the fact your disappointed as a little reminder that your brains probably ready for the challenge and you can do these things.

Also 40's isn't old!!!! Certainly a good age to start practicing self worth, Este and building self confidence. Xx

And to add my mum was a very intelligent capable woman who just didn't believe she was and had low self confidence - she even purposely failed her 11+ so she didn't have to go to the grammar school as she was too shy/lacked confidence/low self esteem like she shouldn't be going to a grammar - To me she is incredibly capable, resilient, intelligent, caring and patient she just couldnt recognise this in herself at the time

Here I am again. Another couple of people have moved on including one who is now going to be a manager. I have applied for one job but didn’t hear about that. Thanks to everyone they supported me last time. Self hatred seems so easy.