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Health Anxiety - checking & prodding behaviour

12 replies

worriedoncemore · 13/04/2022 10:33

I have awful health anxiety and my current obsession is breast cancer (was lymph nodes!) and am constantly checking for lumps. Inevitably, I will find something and will prod and prod until a lump does come up and the area is red and sore. If I manage to leave it alone, it will go down by itself. Two weeks ago, I felt a slight bump on my left breast and prodded so much that the area became red, swollen and started to bleed. I was actually worried it might become infected, the wound was so bad. It eventually scabbed over and I actually managed to leave it alone for a couple of days and was relieved to find that the lump underneath had almost completely disappeared. Unfortunately, I then felt the need to keep checking it had actually gone, spent most of yesterday prodding, and bought the damn thing back up again! Today is a new day and I’m determined not to touch it again until it has gone (easier said than done!). If it hasn’t gone by next week, I will go to the GP.

Embarrassingly, I was at the GP just two weeks ago, the day after I created this wound, worried about a lump on my right breast which has now completely disappeared. She did a breast exam and said it was normal breast tissue, although she couldn’t check the area on my left breast as too swollen to feel anything and told me off for prodding! I’ve since become worried that my breasts are quite veiny and have lots of what I think are stretchmarks which makes them look lumpy. The GP didn’t remark on this at all and I’ve no idea if it’s been like that for ages as the breast obsession is pretty new. I’m perimenopause so maybe down to that?

I’m getting help for my health anxierty (meds & will hopefully start CBT soon) but interested in hearing people’s experiences on this prodding/checking behaviour and from anyone who has managed to stop it?

Of course, I am also worried that there is something wrong with my breasts despite my GP's reassurance and having a clear mammogram less than 18 months ago.

OP posts:
CheekySwifter · 13/04/2022 10:42

Not the same but probably similar drivers - I pull my hair out a strand at a time almost absent minded lay. I was told this is due to the pain releasing some endorphins which ultimately make me feel good (could be similar with your prodding and poking). The important thing is to recognise when you're doing it - I was advised to wear a rubber band around my wrist and ping it whenever I felt the urge to pull my hair. This could be worth a try for you while you wait for your CBT etc to start. It may not help but thought I'd suggest anyway.

CheekySwifter · 13/04/2022 10:43

I should add I also suffer with anxiety and hair pulling is much more frequent hen my anxiety is bad.

Dollface20 · 14/04/2022 09:05

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worriedoncemore · 14/04/2022 09:48

@Dollface20 sorry to hear you're going through the same, I've had the lymph node fear too but moved on and can't feel them now them.

That's the strategy I'm trying to adopt so glad it's recognised by CBT. Managed to leave my breasts alone for 24 hours and I can no longer feel the lump so am resisting the urge to prod for day 2 - tempted to double check it's definitely gone but dangerous!

Good luck!

OP posts:
Dollface20 · 14/04/2022 13:48

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ as we have concerns about its genuineness.

worriedoncemore · 15/04/2022 08:17

Disaster! Yesterday I caved in and started prodding again as I thought I could feel another lump above the one that had gone down. I think it maybe just muscle/tendon but of course I had to keep checking and now I have a bump again. I hate this!

Really determined to not prod for the entire weekend as I have a GP phone call on Tuesday to discuss meds if it's not gone I'm going to ask to come in and be checked again, but can't really do that if I've prodded!!!

OP posts:
MrsTtobe · 29/04/2022 14:10

Hi, I've not been diagnosed with HA but a million percent have it. In the space of a few weeks 'in my head' my daughter has had meningitis, a brain tumour, leukaemia to name a few.
I've had; colon cancer, throat cancer, breast cancer, bone cancer and my most recent obsession is ovarian cancer.
For 3 days now I've been having strange pelvic pains, needing to rush for a wee, diarrhoea, last night I felt so nauseous and convinced myself that I had days left. I do a pretty good job of hiding this believe it or not. My friends and family think I get a little anxious but have no idea how bad its got.
Unlike you, I NEVER go to the drs. I'm too scared of what he will actually find. Also I never check myself. Its got to the point where its so bad and I'm so anxious that In the bath I hold my breath when I wash myself and skim over my body as quickly as I can so I don't find anything.
I really need help but I'm too scared that this will all amount to them doing tests and finding something horrible.
Hope you're OK. X

Worriedoncemore · 01/05/2022 10:16

@MrsTtobe my apologies for the late response, I'm sorry you are suffering too.

I ended up going back to the GP and she referred me to the breast clinic for reasurrance. I had the appointment earlier this week and all was fine. Unfortunately, my relief was short lived as the same day I suddenly came up in purple bruises and ended up in A&E! I've started another thread on this but the likelihood it's a reaction to the Sertraline I'm on. However, they want to do a CT scan to check nothing else wrong so am pretty stressed atm!

I know you don't like to go to the GP but would urge you to do so to get help before you spiral out of control. Don't be put off by my experience of the ADs - serious side effects are rare and they did actually help me.

OP posts:
MrsTtobe · 02/05/2022 20:12

Hey @worriedoncemore thanks for getting back to me. I officially broke down to my husband last night. Let it all out, everything that I've been so worried about. He said to ring the drs first thing tomorrow and talk to them.
I've felt fractionally better today after having spoke about it but definitely still getting the odd twinge here and there and today I've got heartburn. Yet another symptom of ovarian cancer. I just feel on the edge of a breakdown. These thoughts are just consuming me. Taking over my days.
How are you today? Any answers on the bruises? Really hope you're OK and here if you ever need to talk x

Healthanxietyruiningmylife · 18/06/2022 13:12

Hi @Worriedoncemore and @MrsTtobe I was wondering how you are both getting on? I have been suffering terribly with health anxiety and just started sertraline. I’m doing a lot better but my worries keep moving around to different things, I feel like I will never get a proper break from the constant worry.

Worridoncemore · 18/06/2022 14:01

@Healthanxietyruiningmylife thank you for asking, sorry you're suffering too. Also apologies @MrsTtobe I just realised I didn't respond to your last message.

It's nearly 2 months since my a&e trip. The bruises went with stopping Sertraline so almost certainly to blame, although it's left me paranoid about every little bruise or blemish that appears. Actually I think I've always bruised quite easily, especially since I got older, but never thought much of it. Rationally, I know it can't be anything awful as my bloods were totally normal, although they did find a trace of blood in my urine which freaked me out but they said probably because period due and it did start next day. CT scan was a month ago and still no results! The hospital said GP would have them in 2 weeks so I phoned after 3 as I find calling for results so anxiety inducing as you have to hold for AGES. Receptionist said hospital are always giving unrealistic timescales but that the scan would definitely have been looked at and they always get a call if something worrying so holding onto that! However, I'm sure they don't realise how stressful all this waiting is, even for someone without HA! I actually don't think I can cope calling up again but know I should as I doubt they'll ever contact me with the results.

I've actually not been too bad atm despite not being able to take meds as been very busy which helps. I've also not touched my breasts since getting the all clear from the clinic. Ironic and cruel that another worry had to come along to take it's place. Starting cbc next month and hope that by then will actually have my scan result and can start to put all this behind me.

Finally don't be put off by my experience with Sertraline, it's pretty rare. I hope it helps you x

Healthanxietyruiningmylife · 18/06/2022 15:10

@worriedoncemore thanks for your reply it’s great to hear that the bruises went away and you’ve managed to move on from the breast cancer worry. I’m also doing CBT and hoping it will help along with the medication. Health anxiety is so debilitating, I hope you continue on the positive trajectory and get some good results from the therapy.

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