How do you get rid of intrusive thoughts

[Ultimatebetrayal]

I've been through a traumatic experience recently as a result of an ex. It will be ongoing for a few months yet.

I keep going over and over what happened. I keep having these conversations with him and trying to understand why he has done what he has.

Ultimately I will never get the answers I want or need.

How do stop going over and over things in my head.

I don't want to take meds. I'm having counselling. But I need to get through the next few months.

I try relaxation videos on you tube of like the rain and stuff. It's hard though without the meds.

Pamela Stephenson recommended something in her guardian column which helped me. You basically pretend the person is there in a chair and tell them what you want to. Then the interesting bit. You sit in that chair, pretend you are that person talking to yourself. Really worked a treat for me. It's a sort of therapy and has a name but I can't remember what it is.

I go back onto medication. And find the intrusive thoughts completely disappear.

How do the meds stop the thoughts?

I read somewhere that rather than trying to block them out, just accept it’s an intrusive thought and that it will go, rather than fighting them (appreciate this could be hard if the thoughts are particularly bad). This really worked for me. I don’t tend to get them much now I have sort of changed my mentality towards getting them. Hope it helps x

I don't know. I just find I don't go over stuff over and over in my head anymore trying to analyse things.
I literally don't have a single care about what other people think of me now, and I used to spend most of my day worrying I had offended or upset someone and making up scenarios in my head.

@Tal12

I read somewhere that rather than trying to block them out, just accept it’s an intrusive thought and that it will go, rather than fighting them (appreciate this could be hard if the thoughts are particularly bad). This really worked for me. I don’t tend to get them much now I have sort of changed my mentality towards getting them. Hope it helps x

Yes I find this approach works for me. I give each one a name. Then I can go "ah there's Greg the such and such thought again" it seems to make them easier to let go.

@Ultimatebetrayal

How do the meds stop the thoughts?

They don't. They mask it and prevent reality. Do not lean on prescription medication unless you are absolutely on your arse. Find new hobbies, appreciate the good in your life and accept some things / experiences are always going to hurt until enough time has passed x

@Tal12

I read somewhere that rather than trying to block them out, just accept it’s an intrusive thought and that it will go, rather than fighting them (appreciate this could be hard if the thoughts are particularly bad). This really worked for me. I don’t tend to get them much now I have sort of changed my mentality towards getting them. Hope it helps x

Yes I agree with this. Knowing what they and recognising them was a big breakthrough for me. When I get them now I think "ah, you're not very well" to myself and try and look after myself a bit more. Setraline has also helped me a lot.

Something that was helpful for me was hearing that if we cannot understand why someone did something to us, then that means we're not enough like them to understand them.

That can be all the closure we get and as others said, that kind of acceptance can help, even if it's still difficult at times.

Also, monitor things that trigger those looping conversations. For me, types of music can set me off so I need to at times change what I listen to, staying in bed or sitting with my thoughts by myself is an issue for me so I have multiple alarms through the day to make sure those get interrupted. Things that make it difficult for me to have those loops is talking with other people, physical contact, walking outside is a bit hit and miss, but physical activities where I'm having to put a lot of effort in can be very mind clearing.

Lastly, having a set time to think on (for me, I do this with breathwork apps) and/or journaling out all my thoughts and feelings, writing my fears and dreams and then having a way in writing or another act to end and release it can be helpful. Knowing I can later, but I need to do these things first can be helpful.

I hope you get some rest from those thoughts as you reregulate from the trauma response.