How do you find the right counsellor?

[Nosetickle]

I had weekly counselling about a decade ago and unearthed loads of issues. At the time the counsellor said I would need at least another six months of therapy but the trouble was I just didn’t click with her at all and couldn’t stand the thought of having to see her for another six months. So I said I couldn’t afford it anymore and left. I really want to resolve those issues but how do you find the right counsellor? I’ve found one local to me and I’m thinking of contacting her but what I don’t click with that one? It’s putting me off. So how do you find the right counsellor?

I think just say what you've said.

Any reputable counsellor would understand.

You're only going to get something out of it if you relax and completely trust them.

Ask if you can have a few trial sessions. As you'd like to see how you get on. Or maybe some offer a free chat beforehand so you can get a feel?

I think there are lists of counsellors with BACP with their different specialism. Maybe look into what kind of counselling you'd like and that'll help narrow the field.

Good luck!

It's all about the relationship.I had three counsellors before I found my current one - keep going, you'll find someone.

Most therapists offer a free chat beforehand, which freedom mentioned.

www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists

Good luck!

Thank you for your replies. I’ll take a look at that website and go from there. One of my issues is I don’t like the feeling of offending or upsetting people, it gives me so much anxiety so I think that’s what I worry about, telling someone I don’t want to see them anymore! So awkward!

It's helpful that you know that's an issue for you. It's helpful to understand that you are under the assumption that they will be offended or upset if you reject them, you may be wrong about that. I don't especially always 'like' my counsellor now, but I do get the feeling that she is fully present for me in my sessions. That feels more important. I don't get the impression she gives a shit whether or not I like her if that helps at all. This isn't about us being friends.

They really don't take it personally. Not every counsellor will be the perfect fit for every client.

The best you can do is check they have experience in the issues you want to work on and try a few. If you like them, stay with them a while and see if you feel like you're doing good work. It's not always going to be comfortable but looking back you should be able to see some improvement after a few months.

I've tried 4 counsellors. One I really liked and clicked with but he was still very early in his career and had no experience in the kind of therapy I needed. He was up front about that after 3 sessions and offered a few referrals to colleagues that he thought may be able to help me.

The second was a woman who was just shit. I didn't like her at all and just outright after 2 sessions that I didn't feel comfortable or listened to. She wasnt comfortable hearing about some subjects and would actively change the subject and kept telling me when i felt low I should pull activities out of a jar. She didn't offer referrals.

The third was very nice but he was kind of a quack. It was a bit of an experiment as he was a hypnotherapist. It didn't really work on me and our schedules weren't really compatible. The drive was a nightmare so I explained that as the reason. Again he offered referrals and wasn't offended in the least.

The next counsellor I clicked with and have been with him now for over 2 years. He has a little experience in CSA and encourages me to talk about it and anything else on my mind. No topic off limits. More importantly I feel safe with him and am making progress.

As a counsellor myself I would encourage you to have trial sessions with as many counsellors as you need to find one you are comfortable with, because the relationship is fundamentally one of the most important parts of achieving change .
Think about what you are looking for from counselling and try to find a counsellor that aligns with those values.
Ask about their modality and what their way of working is. E.g. a psychodynamic counsellor is generally more detached but focuses on your past, whilst a humanistic counsellor put a strong focus on building the relationship.

Even when I have been for my own counselling I connected with some and not with others. Usually i knew within the first session if it felt right or not...trust your gut (it's usually right). Where my gut said no I noticed a big resistance with those counsellors and could never fully open up.

Good luck😊

Thanks everyone. That’s really interesting what you said @fromcitytocountry as my last counsellor was psychodynamic and detached really describes her approach. I definitely need someone who offers lots of reassurance and makes out that they care even if they don’t.

It very much depends on the person as well as the modality they practice. My first therapist was very CBT focused but he was also the one who sat on the ladies room floor and held my hand under the door while I cried.

He has since completed his degree and works with children. Not surprised at all, he has that kind of personality.

I do prefer more relationship focused therapists too. Most do state what their approach is on their profiles.