Starting over at 40 after ruining life.

[Mylifeisruinednow]

My mental health is ruined because I had 2 abortions about ten years ago. I haven’t done anything positive with my life since because of the depression I suffered after. Haven’t worked, drank quite heavily ( don’t drink much now ) haven’t done any training. I have no qualifications or experience. I can honestly say for me having the abortions ruined my life. I’m going to turn 40 soon. Has anybody else completely tuned there life around at this age ? Is there any hope at all for me or is it to late? It sounds stupid but I don’t even know we’re to start . I can’t see any employer wanting to employ me as have nothing to offer at all. Plus I do suffer with back problems so can’t do any lifting .
Any advice , support , share your own stories would be welcome .
Thankyou

Well, your are less than half way through your life. You can continue this pattern for the next 50-60 years or decide you want to pursue a different path.

What do you want?

Op, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. Perhaps the starting place would be therapy to work through your feelings. It sounds as if you need to talk to someone about this. Some regions offer low cost counselling/therapy. It is probably difficult to determine what it is you might want to do when you are swamped by difficult feelings. It might be that you do something voluntary to begin with or resume a hobby...gentle steps. Somewhere along the line you will need to treat yourself kindly/with compassion (if you are not already doing so).

Hopefully, someone else will come along who has more direct experience in what you describe. Although I have not had your experiences, I have experienced trauma in the past and only now (in my late forties) do I feel like I'm turning things around in relation to the state of my mental health (mainly in regard to taking better care of myself; treating myself more kindly and letting go of shame).

@Stonemattress
Hi thanks for replying. Yes little steps sounds like a good idea so it’s not overwhelming. I will have a look into volunteering to . Like I say it’s just knowing we’re to start as my life has been on hold for the last ten years . Cutting down on the alcohol has been a good start as that’s we’re I made a lot of bad decisions. Just hope it’s not to late at my age !

It’s not too late.

I was also going to suggest seeing what volunteering opportunities there are local to you- if you google “volunteering town name” you should get your local volunteer co-ordination website.

Are there any areas you think might interest you, or any skills you’d like to learn?

Op I'm 40 and I'm starting again completely from scratch. I have depression, anxiety and it's been one trauma after another. Every day has been a fight to get up in the morning. I went to my GP, and they gave me some counseling sessions, medication. I speak to Samaritans pretty much every other day. I'm trying to meditate every day but sometimes my MH gets the better of me. I'm waiting on getting funding to do a computer course, nothing fancy just the basics. It's not impossible Op you can do it 💐

I find that 40 is the age when women allow themselves to be themselves which actualy makes it a good place to start :)

@SistersRdoingit4themselves

How did you find the Samaritans ? We’re they helpful ? I did email them when I felt my
Worst but it felt odd. I can’t believe I’m 40 now and completely messed up my
Life . It’s just so depressing. How
Are you getting on now ?

It all depends really, on how busy there are, who you talk to (you can always tell when they want/need to end the call). However on my darkest of days they have been there when no one else was. I ring them (116 123) if I feel it's all getting to much and anxiety, overthinking or panic attacks start kicking in. Sometimes they have even rang me back to see how I am. On the whole I'm okay- I think. There are days when I really struggle to get out of bed. But there are days when I can see the positive and who I want to be. I still burst in to tears regularly, sometimes over the smallest things. I still get angry over certain things when I think about certain people. BUT I'm getting there, and you will too. One step at a time. xx

Absolutely its never too late! I am 40 and have struggled with my mental health over the years due to various things. I have always worked but decided to change my career direction last year, I signed up for a college course amd this year I start university. I had no qualifications, you don't need formal qualifications these days, there's ways around everything. And I find attending college to be great for my mental health and you also get lots of support from them if you do have problems including MH. Now is the perfect time to start looking into courses and things that you're interested in, as courses generally start in September, ring the course enquiries line they are always very informative and helpful. Doing something like this, will boost your confidence and open new doors of opportunity for you, aswel as meeting new people. There's people of all ages who go to colleges and universities these days, you're never too old. Trust me as someone who knows. I think college courses are the best way forward for you and you will also get help with CV writing and interview skills, then you will be ready for your new chapter in life

I went to the job centre today and asked about doing a training course so I’m actually looking forward to hearing from them about it. After I did my shopping in a supermarket which sounds stupid but is a big step for me . I did feel abit panicky and didn’t exactly enjoy it but felt good after. I find as I suffer with such bad depression everyday tasks like shopping are enormous.