Depressive episodes

[packedlunches]

Just wondering out loud about what this is.
For past week or so been feeling really low due to issues with teen ds (SEN, school and friend problems). I feel what I can only describe as "depressed" - I have a sinking feeling in my chest, nauseous, lack of appetite, shivery, very tearful, can't bring myself to do ANYTHING unless absolutely necessary. Talking about it doesn't really help. I know this has been triggered by the above and I know that if DS issues were solved immediately then I would feel better instantly.
These feelings have happened over and over since I was a child. Sometimes can last only a couple of days, sometimes weeks/months.
Has anyone else had anything similar? My impression of depression was that it was something that someone might have as a one off for 6 months or so, not short periods of time over the space of 35 years! Don't mean to drip feed but can't really concentrate to write any more at the moment. May add more info but just wondering if anyone else has had similar.

Just bumping this shamelessly in case anyone might be able to help me figure this out

I'm really sorry to hear this op. Parenting teens can be really really hard.

I think there are a series of threads on here about parenting teens affecting mh of their parents. I will have a look and try and link.

@Frangiblepins88 Thank you I really appreciate that

I think this is the first thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/3542520-Is-parenting-a-teen-adversely-affecting-your-mh?reverse=1

Here's the links to two and three

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/3711135-Thread-three-holding-on-to-the-end-of-the-rope-life-in-the-bunker-with-the-PoTs-where-parenting-a-teen-is-adversely-affecting-your-mental-health

Here's thread four:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/3816762-Thread-Four-Holding-on-to-the-end-of-the-rope

I don't know if this is the sort of support you are after but I think they are worth a read through op; there's a lot of good advice in there and they really helped me when I was going through difficult times with my teens.

Why not speak to your doctor?

Hi OP.

Sounds like situational depression. Unfortunately, after repeated or prolonged episodes of this it can transfer into clinical depression as your brain struggles to regulate your hormones (this is how my GP explained it to me).
May be time to speak to your GP if you can.

I could have written your OP myself a few years ago. All the best

Thanks @Frangiblepins88
I've had a quick look at the threads and it seems like there are a lot of people struggling! My issues are slightly different to the majority though - they mainly seem to have teens who are rude and won't stay in - mine is clingy and has no friends. Struggles to be independent due to SEN.
I will have a proper look later though. Really appreciate you sharing them 🙂

@Peppermint81

Why not speak to your doctor?

I have seen the doctor multiple times, starting in 1998. They don't seem to be that bothered. I was finally offered anti depressants in 2012 and been on and off them since then. Apart from that they haven't offered any other insight.

@Ahhhhhbisto

Hi OP.

Sounds like situational depression. Unfortunately, after repeated or prolonged episodes of this it can transfer into clinical depression as your brain struggles to regulate your hormones (this is how my GP explained it to me).
May be time to speak to your GP if you can.

I could have written your OP myself a few years ago. All the best

Thank you - it does sound a bit like situational depression, although reading up on that last night it seemed to imply it would only occur if something major had happened in your life such as a death, a traumatic experience, accident etc. Mine happens if my kids are ill, if I'm homesick, if I am worried about a health issue, moving house etc. so much more frequent but shorter lasting. I take anti depressants but if I've gone for a long period not feeling bad then I try to come off them and I'm always fine until something like the above happens and then I'll drop back into it. I suppose I should explain all this to the GP but I can't bring myself to make an appointment at the moment.

Hi. I don't want to put my feelings onto amybody else but I know that for me, seeing my son struggle, having to chase schools, meetings with councils, worrying for my DS are traumatic experiences.

If you could speak to a GP and explain what you have said on here I would hope they could help. I was offered talk therapy and antidepressants although it does seem to be luck of the draw.

Hi again packed lunches I totally understand when you say the POTs threads do not quite fit your circumstances. Apologies, I should have explained that I was recommending them for the advice about how some parents cope in difficult , stressful circumstances rather than for the issues suffered by the teens themselves. Eg self care, getting more support, stepping back a little (not possible in your circs), ADs etc, pursuing some hobbies and interests out of the house just for yourself, and most of all, sharing and being able to talk openly about your worries with another parent in similar circumstance.

I thought that maybe you would identify with the feeling of helplessness and emotional "burden" (I know we don't see our DC as burdens but they can sometimes provoke a crushing feeling of responsibility, frustration and almost despair) that some of those parents feel. But I understand that you are also seeking solutions for your ds too.

I have had a look around and there is a series of threads aimed at parents of anxious teens which may be more appropriate for your situation? This is the fourth one here and so there must be previous ones somewhere:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/4187552-Parents-of-anxious-kids-teen-support-thread-part-4

I hope they help and fwiw, I know it doesn't help to say so, but I think what you are experiencing is a very natural response to testing circumstances. We do only feel as happy as our unhappiest child! That saying has a lot of truth in it.

I think we are reluctant to discuss these issues in RL because our DC are older, we are wary of betraying their confidentiality and there is not as much support out there as there is for parents of toddlers who are struggling for example. But if you can talk to a professional or even another parent, you might feel better?

I am not an HCP and have no experience in this area but I would be wary of a diagnosis of purely situational depression if you have been experiencing these episodes since childhood. That sounds more like some sort of disorder like ASD or ADD or similar? I shouldn't speculate as I have no idea really but it might be worth seeking advice and maybe saving up to pay for a proper diagnosis privately if that is at all possible?

Hiya
I go through bad depression and have just had a really serious episode about a month ago. I to take the anti depressants then when I feel better try and come off them. I feel great for 2-3 weeks then crash and get really depressed again. This time I’m going to stay on them long term. I think if your going on and off your tablets this maybe making it worse. I had a lot of the symptoms you described. Most days I still can’t face going out and just keeping the housework done seems like a major achievement these days !

@Frangiblepins88

Hi again packed lunches I totally understand when you say the POTs threads do not quite fit your circumstances. Apologies, I should have explained that I was recommending them for the advice about how some parents cope in difficult , stressful circumstances rather than for the issues suffered by the teens themselves. Eg self care, getting more support, stepping back a little (not possible in your circs), ADs etc, pursuing some hobbies and interests out of the house just for yourself, and most of all, sharing and being able to talk openly about your worries with another parent in similar circumstance.

I thought that maybe you would identify with the feeling of helplessness and emotional "burden" (I know we don't see our DC as burdens but they can sometimes provoke a crushing feeling of responsibility, frustration and almost despair) that some of those parents feel. But I understand that you are also seeking solutions for your ds too.

I have had a look around and there is a series of threads aimed at parents of anxious teens which may be more appropriate for your situation? This is the fourth one here and so there must be previous ones somewhere:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/4187552-Parents-of-anxious-kids-teen-support-thread-part-4

I hope they help and fwiw, I know it doesn't help to say so, but I think what you are experiencing is a very natural response to testing circumstances. We do only feel as happy as our unhappiest child! That saying has a lot of truth in it.

I think we are reluctant to discuss these issues in RL because our DC are older, we are wary of betraying their confidentiality and there is not as much support out there as there is for parents of toddlers who are struggling for example. But if you can talk to a professional or even another parent, you might feel better?

I am not an HCP and have no experience in this area but I would be wary of a diagnosis of purely situational depression if you have been experiencing these episodes since childhood. That sounds more like some sort of disorder like ASD or ADD or similar? I shouldn't speculate as I have no idea really but it might be worth seeking advice and maybe saving up to pay for a proper diagnosis privately if that is at all possible?

Thank you so much for taking the time to post all these links, I do really appreciate it and I will definitely have a good look at the anxious teens one. Your posts are very thoughtful and kind 🙂

Yes I suspect I may be neurodiverse. I don't think I'm autistic but possibly ADHD? I don't have the money for a private assessment though.

@Lonleygal

Hiya I go through bad depression and have just had a really serious episode about a month ago. I to take the anti depressants then when I feel better try and come off them. I feel great for 2-3 weeks then crash and get really depressed again. This time I’m going to stay on them long term. I think if your going on and off your tablets this maybe making it worse. I had a lot of the symptoms you described. Most days I still can’t face going out and just keeping the housework done seems like a major achievement these days !

Sorry to hear that @Lonleygal

When I say on and off the ADs, I mean on them for 3 years and then tapering off with the advice of the GP then going back on them 2 years later for a few years etc.

I do think I need to be on them long term though - it's the only thing that helps but I would just "rather not" be taking meds.

Ugh sorry to resurrect this thread but just seem to be unable to get myself out of this rut.

Haven't been to GP yet as I fear they will just nod along and then increase my meds. They've done this in the past and it makes no difference apart from making me feel spaced out.

I just wish these feelings would disappear.

Sorry things are tough OP.
You say you feel spaced out on meds, is that all the time or just the first few weeks after restarting them?
Have you been offered any therapy? I really thought therapy wouldn't be helpful to me but it really was.

@Ahhhhhbisto

Sorry things are tough OP. You say you feel spaced out on meds, is that all the time or just the first few weeks after restarting them? Have you been offered any therapy? I really thought therapy wouldn't be helpful to me but it really was.

I'm fine on the dose I am on but when they've tried increasing in the past I didn't feel right.

No I've never been offered therapy on the NHS.

I did have therapy privately when I was a teenager (paid for by parents) but can't afford it now.

Could you try different meds? Also like a PP said, longer term use. I really understand the feeling of not wanting to "need" them, but have come to accept that I do need them and that's ok.

How is you sen DS doing? Is it school holidays for him now? Does that make things better or worse for him?

Have you read things such as The Reality Slap, or this one:

www.goodreads.com/book/show/3250347-the-happiness-trap

I found them really helpful in changing perspective a bit, when you can’t change what is happening around you.

Another excellent approach is this by Mark Williams, Oxford Uni:

www.wob.com/en-gb/books/j-mark-g-williams-phd-departme/mindful-way-through-depression/9781593851286

It comes with a CD to get you started. Or there’s lots free on a YouTube from the Oxford Mindfulness Centre:
youtube.com/channel/UCkvTP_x8sburMgYSMjYnNHw

@Ahhhhhbisto

Could you try different meds? Also like a PP said, longer term use. I really understand the feeling of not wanting to "need" them, but have come to accept that I do need them and that's ok.

How is you sen DS doing? Is it school holidays for him now? Does that make things better or worse for him?

I could possibly try different meds but i think these ones do work. I just wish I could get to the bottom of why I feel like this and have done for such a long long time. I'm talking 30+ years. I suppose that's what therapy would help with?

Thank you for asking about ds - it's not Easter hols here yet but he does feel better when not having to go to school. The environment is just too busy and chaotic for him.

[quote SparklingLime]Have you read things such as The Reality Slap, or this one:

www.goodreads.com/book/show/3250347-the-happiness-trap

I found them really helpful in changing perspective a bit, when you can’t change what is happening around you.

Another excellent approach is this by Mark Williams, Oxford Uni:

www.wob.com/en-gb/books/j-mark-g-williams-phd-departme/mindful-way-through-depression/9781593851286

It comes with a CD to get you started. Or there’s lots free on a YouTube from the Oxford Mindfulness Centre:
youtube.com/channel/UCkvTP_x8sburMgYSMjYnNHw[/quote]
Haven't heard of any of these but thank you for the links and I'll definitely look into them.

Yes therapy can help with that. The reasons vary but can be illness, traumatic or stressful events, genetics....

When the easter holidays start and your son is feeling more positive, will that help lift you a little?

I know it is really difficult to do but please please try and see your GP again soon and be as honest with them as you have on here.

@Ahhhhhbisto

Yes therapy can help with that. The reasons vary but can be illness, traumatic or stressful events, genetics....

When the easter holidays start and your son is feeling more positive, will that help lift you a little?

I know it is really difficult to do but please please try and see your GP again soon and be as honest with them as you have on here.

Yes it will help a bit, but only in the short term as I know the return to school will be looming after a while and I know exactly how he will be feeling about that... his feelings have a huge knock on effect on me

Yes I will try to make a doctors appointment. I have to take my other child there tomorrow (dealing with medical issues with him too which doesn't help) so it may push me into it. Thank you for being so kind and understanding.

Hi @packedlunches how are you today?

Hope the medical appointment for your other DS went ok.

@Ahhhhhbisto thanks for checking in on me.
Appointment went ok - he's to go for a blood test in a week if no better. He is also struggling with anxiety re the illness so 3 out of the 4 of us in our house now struggling with mental health.

I was actually so stressed dealing with him at the gp that I forgot to make an appointment for myself.

I'm going to try to make a list this afternoon of things that I need to do and then attempt to get them done...