Feeling so low

[Trippingslippingx1]

I feel so low about about to turn 35 being childless single and never married
I feel humiliated and like a laughing stock

I feel I cannot speak to my friends about it who are in relationships and I have had to distance myself from a few of them
One namely telling me she would be so humiliated being me with my dating life she would have moved away from the area - she also messaged me to say ‘everyone can find a partner but you cannot - what ashame’ last year

The thought of continuing dating (being ghosted by weirdos, used for sex or money and using online dating) is horrific, I have tried to meet men through friends and family. I paid 6k to join a dating agency. It just does not matter what I do - I meet dud after dud.

I honestly do not want to continue living if this is what my life amounts to - spending whole weekends alone and having pity talks from ‘friends’ and being made out to be a laughing stock for my previous dating life.

I have tried everything to meet a partner and I either get unknowingly used for sex (despite vetting as best I can), ghosted after dates or just left to move for career or whatever else

I wonder what it must be like to have someone say about you ‘oh hes punching’ to have met you

I have taken breaks Away from dating, I have had therapy, I have worked on myself. I am told I am attractive, have a job, work hard have everything going for me (so I am told) and it makes it even more humiliating. A friend told me ‘stop being so successful’ and then you will find love

I have also ‘stopped looking’ and that never worked either

I am so low when each weekend rolls by with the thought of spending every minute again alone before coming into work to do it all again the next week

I am so fed up and see no purpose in my life whatsoever

OP I’m so sorry that you feel so lonely. Significant birthdays can make that feeling worse.

Do you have any hobbies? I’m not thinking as a way to meet a partner, but as a way to fill up your weekends in an enjoyable way.

Is there anything you’ve always wanted to try? Or anything you love doing?

How about booking yourself in on activity holiday as a birthday present? One where everyone who is going will be going on their own. Yoga retreat, writing retreat, health spa, etc etc.

I teach yoga and go to gym
I booked a holiday in June

I just do not feel anything any more
I am not looking forward to it whatever - going away alone. This is probably the 100th time I have done it.

How have my friends been able to find love
What is wrong with me

I don't know about a partner, but you definitely need new friends, actual friends, not these bitches posing as friends!

It has been particularly difficult during covid, but I'd still recommend the old fashioned theory of doing what makes you happy & you'll find like minded people, friends & partners.

If any of us had 'friends' like yours, we'd be fed up too!!

Stop worrying about meeting a partner/what's wrong with you/etc etc and just focus on doing things you enjoy!! Be happy with or without a partner. If one comes along, great. If not you're still happy!!

Is there anything else you’re yearning to do? I know it isn’t going to fix what you really want - a partner - but anything you can do to make the weekends better is a start.

I have a few hobbies I do on the weekend - I am part of a running group and I also do a pottery class. I’ve met some fantastic people through it, even though that wasn’t the goal - I just wanted something else outside of my ordinary life.

Any other local clubs around you that you can give a go at?

The gym is quite a solitary activity even though others are around you. So is yoga - even though you’re the teacher!

I know it won’t feel like it, but 35 is still young. I’m older than you, and my NCT class was mostly populated by mothers who were 40 (I live in London and this is totally the norm).

Also - to answer your question - I bet there is nothing wrong with you

I stopped speaking to these people
Last September
I had taken up a new activity (paddle boarding) and one of them said ‘haha everybody loves X’ (X being my name)
She is surprised I ghosted her and refused to be at her wedding
Despite never introducing me to the groom
She even hid him from me when we were in a bar

I supported that friend so much and that was how she treated me when she met her SO on Bumble as was engaged after 5 minutes

Anyway she asked around about me but I just cannot find it in my heart to ever speak to her again

I think alot of the loneliness I feel is from loosing these friends as well as not having a partner
And the first question that comes from their mouth is ‘are you seeing anyone’ instead of anything else

I dont know if anyone else has expierenced that

I also seen one smirking at me when someone said about a pregnancy pillow (like yeah right will she ever be a mother) - its devastating that I wasted so many years with these people, only to finally judged by my lack of marriage and children