Stuck in a rut

[Hakunamatata91]

I've got anxiety and depression, although they are a lot better now than they've been at times in the past. I just feel stuck in a massive rut at the minute. My flat is a bombsite and probably unliveably messy for most people, but I can't get up the motivation to tidy it. I spend ages lying on my sofa feeling bored but am not motivated or particularly interested in doing anything. I'm struggling with restricting myself to lower than healthy calories and being sick if I eat an unhealthy meal, but can't seem to make myself just try and lose weight in a healthy way. I've had CBT for the depression/anxiety and am currently getting some therapy. I don't particularly click with the therapist but because its through insurance I don't have the option to change (and couldn't afford to pay it myself). I've not got another appointment with my psychiatrist until June.

I despise myself for spending so much time doing nothing and having such a messy flat but can't seem to change it. Treatment wise nothing is going to change any time soon so I need to find a way of snapping myself out of it. Has anyone been in a rut like that before and got themselves out of it? How did you do it?

Hi OP,

Do you have any structure to your day? Even when I wasn't clinically depressed, I found that not having set times when I had to be at places (was unemployed) was pretty demotivating. Doing one day a week of voluntary workthe actual hours were 10-3helped get me out of that rut.
More recently, after I was over the worst of a serious episode of depression I did a weekly evening class. It was quite full-on, with homework, so ended up engaging me for maybe 8 hours a week.

Could there be a hormonal element to your apathy? Many women say their motivation tanked with perimenopause, and that's certainly been my experience.

Finally, if you have problems concentrating on something you want or need to do, a micro dose of nicotine can help. Not saying you should take up smoking, but a tiny piece of gum or lozenge is what some people use.

Thank you @Doggirl. I'm 31 so hope there's no hormonal element to it! Some days have quite a bit of structure with work or volunteering, some don't, and it does tend to be on the less structured ones I struggle most. The evening class and nicotine are really helpful ideas, thank you.