HELP! Anxiety/Panic attacks/emetophobia/depression

[Roxy1988]

I seem to be starting a new thread every week at the moment :/ I just feel so desperate. I lost my Mum last July to cancer and since about October my mental health has really declined. I have been waiting since then for some CBT therapy but whilst I wait I am really declining. It got so bad the other day I called the mental health crisis team through 111!! I just can't cope with how I am feeling. I also have a toddler to look after which is extremely difficult especially with the sometimes constant panic I am feeling. I do get help with looking after her from partner when he is not working and also him Mum and Dad but I don't feel they understand how much help I actually need at the moment. I have no family or friends where I live so they are all I have. My partner doesn't understand at all and almost relishes in telling me he will be working all week knowing how scared I am to be alone with our toddler. His Mum and Dad also don't understand. They have said they can help on a Monday and Friday afternoon but the other days 'I will just have to get on with it'. I was in a state on panic on Thursday morning which lasted a few hours. Luckily my partner was home but I would not have been able to look after our toddler. I could not even communicate with partner whilst I was in the midst of it. Since then I have taken 14 Diazepam (in total not all at once!) just to get me through each day. I am so scared. I feel like this is just how I am now and will never get better or be able to be a normal Mum to my beautiful daughter 😢😢😢😢

Can anyone offer any advice or reassurance 😥

Anyone 😩😩😩

Sorry to see your post unanswered, OP. Bumping for you in the hope that someone will be along to advise.
I think @mnhq sometimes post useful links too.

One thing that strikes me is how unsupportive your partner is. Did you move away from your friends and family?

Phone your GP and touch base again.

First of all, breathe. Toddlers are difficult, it is exhausting. You've reached out for CBT, you have some (albeit a little) help from your partner and inlaws. Although it may be hard to see it now in the midst of toddler-hood, these are positives! And you are a normal mum! Ime, inlaws don't get it, they're not in the thick of it. Accept the childcare and take the time to look after yourself.

I recognise the feelings you're having. All I can suggest, and it's easy now mine are older, is look after yourself. When they have your DC, rest. Organise. Sleep. Get a hobby to focus your thoughts elsewhere, even for half and hour, then sort chores or whatever else you'd normally do.

Can you get out and about for fresh air? Good for you both mentally and physically. This is what I found hardest, but can you get to any toddler classes? Make some new connections? Can you work?

Time will help, things will get easier. They will, really. Before you know it, there's a grumpy teenage in your house!

Sorry, I wasn't meaning to sound flippant, just go to groups etc as I know that can feel unachievable under a cloud of depression. Thinking of you.

Can you get some formal childcare in place to give you a bit of a break? If she's being looked after you can focus on you for a bit.

Strongly recommend getting out the house every day too
Go for a walk, see the ducks, play on the swings, eat lunch on a blanket outside (if weather is good enough!)

Could you not have some private therapy? It sounds like it would help you a lot? If you can't afford a private therapist (ideally) then there are often low cost counselling centres staffed by trainees. Some of them may even offer online sessions.

@TheDuchessOfMN thank you! Yes I moved away in 2017 to live with my partner. He just doesn't get it and thinks it's 'just a bit of anxiety'. It is so much more than that 😢 he does sometimes try and be supportive and when he is off work pretty much takes over but still thinks when he is not there I just need to get on with it. Maybe I am expecting too much of him, I don't know.

I do speak to my GP regularly and have been referred to the mental health nurse at the Dr's surgery so hopefully that will help!

@Baubletree thank you for your reply. My toddler is actually really easy to look after it's just a struggle because of how I feel at the moment.

I do try and look after myself, I actually went away for a little overnight spa break with my sister a couple of weeks ago but even felt the anxiety and panic whilst there.

I do get out with my daughter most days even if it's just for a walk with her little bike and we do go to a toddler group most weeks. The panic attack the other day has set me back though so I haven't taken her out since then 😢

I would like to get back into work and have been applying for jobs but have cancelled the last 2 interviews because I don't feel quite ready.

I know things will get better with time :) it just doesn't feel like it at the moment 😫

@Perfect28 thank you for you reply :) we do try and get out every day and it does definitely help.

@Yellownightmare I am actually in week 18 of an 18 week wait for CBT through the NHS so may as well hold on now! I will definitely look into the counselling centres though as I have never heard of them. Th k you :)

@Sadhgurufollower sounds interesting I will look into it! Thank you :)