Will my child inherit her parents' mental health problems?

[Boomerwang]

My daughter just turned 10. She started puberty six months ago. Very early, I know. Her father and I both wear glasses for short sightedness. Nearly a year ago she had to get glasses for the same problem.

Her father has variably controlled depression and anxiety and possibly some other mental health issues. I have well controlled depression and anxiety with no other problems. I've been on medication for about 14 years. I tried to wean off about 6 years ago over a long period of time but I started dipping into depression often so I went back on it for her sake as I was becoming a short tempered sad sack.

I've told her for the first time just yesterday that her dad and I are on medication for depression and I explained what that was and unfortunately I think I upset her as she looked worried and gave me a hug. The reason for telling her was that I needed context for the next part which was to ask her to tell me if she felt very sad for no real reason, or had bad thoughts about herself. I want to make sure if she does develop a mental health issue that I can get help for her as quickly as possible while she is so young and still working out how to socialise and look to the future.

Has anyone else had mental health issues run in the family and what did you do?

No more than they will necessarily inherit your hair or eye colour. And even if they do develop a predisposition towards the same mental illness as you, it is a case of there having to be a trigger to set it off too.

@XenoBitch

No more than they will necessarily inherit your hair or eye colour. And even if they do develop a predisposition towards the same mental illness as you, it is a case of there having to be a trigger to set it off too.

That's wrong there doesn't need to be a trigger, some things are inherent

Not sure why you thought that would be helpful. She’s only 10, that’s a lot to burden her with. Why could you not trust your instincts as a mother and watch out for those signs yourself?
Anxiety, depression and neurodiversity runs in our family. I wouldn’t be burdening a young child with the knowledge, it would simply make me more watchful of my own child. Whilst I know you did this from a caring perspective, I feel very sorry for your daughter. It just seems so tone deaf

It doesn't follow that she will inherit, no.

It does seem that mental health issues such as depression can run in families, but like many chronic conditions this can be down to a variety of genetic and environmental factors (which may or may not apply to successive generations).

As a pp said, she might have a predisposition but then again she might not.

It does seem to run in my family, but this seems to be down to bad luck combined with poor coping techniques or tricky relationships that need to be navigated carefully. Alternatively, I have friends who have parent(s) who have been seriously ill with depression and other mh conditions and have never had a flicker of a symptom themselves.

You're doing the right thing in being open and honest and helping her to learn healthy coping mechanisms.

@KittytheHare

Not sure why you thought that would be helpful. She’s only 10, that’s a lot to burden her with. Why could you not trust your instincts as a mother and watch out for those signs yourself? Anxiety, depression and neurodiversity runs in our family. I wouldn’t be burdening a young child with the knowledge, it would simply make me more watchful of my own child. Whilst I know you did this from a caring perspective, I feel very sorry for your daughter. It just seems so tone deaf

This^

Multiple research studies have shown that some mental health disorders can run in families, so I'm unsure why this is a surprise? It doesn't mean your DD WILL inherit it though. Do you have any support yourself or a mental health team you can speak to for support about this?

@XenoBitch

No more than they will necessarily inherit your hair or eye colour. And even if they do develop a predisposition towards the same mental illness as you, it is a case of there having to be a trigger to set it off too.

There doesn’t need to be a trigger for mental health problems.

Depression and bipolar run in my mind side of the family, she and her two sisters have all suffered bouts of mental health illness over the years, as did my grandmother.

But, luckily I don’t seem to have inherited it, and neither does my cousin, so it’s not always true that it’ll continue to be passed on through generations.

I disagree with the posters who use the word 'tone deaf'. Why can't a 10 year old process that her parents are not perfect and have health problems like other people? Children don't have to be wrapped in cotton wool.

The important thing is that the OP's child can see that her parents are trying to cope and knowing there are strategies to manage it.

Have you had any therapy OP? I did think that my kids would inherit my depression and anxiety, I view it differently now as I see it isn't that black and white.

Back when I was doing genetics as part of a life sciences degree, the lecturer was fond of pointing out "There's no such thing as a 'gene for' anything. All that is guaranteed is that that gene produces a particular protein in a particular environment."

All of which might sound a bit hi-falutin' for your question, but it's something I have to constantly remind myself of. I too have long-term depression (as did my aunt), and worry about DD (6). But my emotional wellbeing was generally disregarded by my parents (to the extent that I masked it even from myself), and MH wasn't a thing. Whatever the genes my DD has inherited, I and her DF are determined that she's going to have a different "environment".

I think it's valid to both tell DC about one's own problems and to explore their own MH with them, but probably better to treat them as separate issues. I've had 2 episodes of depression in DD's lifetime, and these would have been very noticeable (crying, withdrawing from activities with her etc.). I feel that an age-appropriate explanation of my condition and constant reassurance eg that I still love her, is the least I should do. The working on encouraging DD that she will always be listened to and should feel confident to speak up, is an ongoing thingit's not really something where you can say it once or twice then not mention it again. I think also it's important to show that you're engaged even for apparently small things, eg another child saying something unkindI'm hoping that by building a 'credit' of trust with my DD, she will feel able to draw on it if anything more significant does come up in future.

Hi guys thanks for your responses it's what I wanted. At the very moment I decided to talk to my daughter I found myself hesitating on every word as I mentally worked out whether or not she needs to know this stuff. I just wanted open honesty and information to be shared so that she would know to talk to me or someone else if and when she started having bad thoughts. I started those bad thoughts from the age of 12. I think of all the years I wasted not getting help (not that anyone would have helped in all honesty since it was my puberty years) and I can't bear for my daughter to repeat my history.

As someone taking medication I can definitely understand 'episodes of depression' but someone unmedicated isn't having episodes they either have depression or they don't and since my daughter is unmedicated even one 'episode' would concern me if I were to witness it. No one should ever go through it if I could help it, but my powers stop after my nearest and dearest.

So far, so good, by the way. As much as I love my parents I refused to care about the little things when it came to my own child such as what the neighbours think, getting a bit dirty, messy meals, going to her when she cries, letting her choose as much as possible etc so she's a happy child. She's nearly a year into puberty and doesn't seem to really be affected by it, not negatively at least.

I just don't ever want her to hate herself and wish she was dead.

Btw your lecturer is right, but at the same time, wrong. When people say 'genetic' or 'hereditary' they are referring to the protein difference, but that doesn't mean that difference isn't repeating itself down the family line. Why say 'there's no such gene for x' when in fact there is, and it can be passed on. And not all need a matching gene to affect someone if it's dominant.

Fatal familial Insomnia for instance.

But anyway!

Well yes, obviously the genetic coding will be inherited (although some genetic conditions are more commonly down to spontaneous mutations, eg historically achondroplasia, and of course on a macro scale Down's syndrome). The point the lecturer was making was that in principle, you can't 100% predict the phenotype from the genotype, even for single-gene conditions - although in practice, for very many you can. But mental health is clearly about as far from being related to a single gene as it's possible to get, besides the substantial environmental component (which of course includes different treatments).

Talk about planting the seed! You shouldn't if said what you did.

My mental health hssues definitely run in my mums side if the family and u also suffer. However, I do think most of what happened to me was learning terrible attitudes and behaviour from my mums attitudes to life.

Mum was always unhappy, I never heard her laugh or enjoy life. She talked negatively all the time about her life, other people etcetera and I unfortunately sucked up those bad thoughts like a sponge. I believe most of my anxiety and depression comes from damaging behaviours learnt when I was growing up.

So dont forget to tell you daughter she is amazing, find some joyful memories for her, bring her laughter and silliness even if it's a struggle. That's my best advise to try and break the cycle. Xxx

I don't think you've burdened her at all. It's destigmatising, it's telling her not to worry or panic if she feels that way, because it's very common, you feel that way too sometimes, and crucially, there is help and treatment available.

There does seem to be some genetic component to mental health problems, but it's not a given. My mum struggled with late diagnosed and poorly managed bipolar. My brother copes well with well managed bipolar, and the rest of us have no mental health issues.

I’m sure that you talking to your DD openly about mental health came from a good place, but I think she is too young and that your anxiety about her suffering with depression will rub off on her and possibly cause the very thing that you don’t want for her. I suffer with depression and anxiety and so does one of my children-I have 5, all grown up- and because of my experiences I was able to pick up on it and encourage him to go see our GP, without feeling the need to worry him about my own mental health when he was a young child.