I’ve had to name change because I have several friends in real life on here who know my username and they don’t know I feel like this.
I’ve had anxiety my whole life. It has been better and worse at times, I’ve been on and off medication. Currently back on.
It manifests mainly in health anxiety but also latches on to any big event or crisis, so Covid, Afghanistan, currently Ukraine situation, you get the idea.
It’s horribly self indulgent when it hits as I put myself and my loved ones into situations people are actually suffering, then I worry about it happening. Ridiculous I know.
I’ve got a weekend away booked for next weekend. I’ve been really looking forward to it but I had a dream this week that I went (DS will be at home with his dad) and there was a nuclear strike on the UK and I obviously couldn’t get back to him in time. I woke up feeling physically ill and haven’t been able to get rid of that feeling of panic since. I’m in the verge of cancelling the weekend which I know is completely irrational, but my usual coping mechanisms don’t seem to be working.
I had actually got on top of it recently, not scrolling endlessly etc so the dream was unexpected as I’d been feeling quite good, making an effort to get out and about.
I’m back on mediation and it helps the physical symptoms a lot but doesn’t do anything for this panic spiral I get into.
I know I’m being selfish - I know the war is not about me personally and it’s really affecting others who are genuinely suffering but when I’m in an anxiety loop none of that rational thinking matters :(