Hi, I'm not really sure how to word this question but I'm struggling a lot with my mental health.
The thing is I don't know what my problem is, because some days I'm fine and the. others everything gets on top of me. I genuinely hate my life and everything about it - I can get so angry at the drop of a hate and so upset and irate.
With that being said, I love my children, I really do they are my whole world, Im a mum to two boys 2y and 7m they're angels, my two year old can be a handful at times but nothing extreme. I don't have much support, both my parents have passed away when I was younger, I'm 24 now.
I have my husbands mum who will look after my oldest sometimes which is great to bond with my youngest. My 2yo is also at nursery from 9-12 mon to Friday.
I have always struggled with anxiety and I sometimes take panic attacks when I can't deal with certain situations. I'm not on any medication although I was prescribed propranolol when I was younger. I honestly just feel like I'm rambling now sorry, but my point is I just don't feel okay when I have these "breakdown" type things, days where I'm upset and irate I can get bad, when I was younger I self harmed and attempted suicide a few times - that's what worries me so much, the way I can be so extremely distraught one day and completely fine the next, I do still get urges but usually just cry and hate myself. I don't know what to do, I don't know if it's anti depressants I need I don't know what it is, I'm scared incase I get them and I'm a zombie.
I'm really sorry if this makes no sense, I'm typing as my youngest naps and currently not feeling good, my husband is out with friends and I just feel so lonely and horrible. I have literally one friend and she's always busy so I've literally no one to talk to
Thank you for reading and tia for any advice