Just want some advice. Mum passed away several years ago. Father has a chronic pain condition... He's had it for 3 years. I have got a son- 2 years old. Even whilst I was pregnant my dad was suicidal... He's had several suicidal attempts since my son was only days old. My mental health is now shot... I can't cope any longer. There's days where I just want to end it all. I spend all my time trying to help, support, distract my Dad... I have no time to organise any me time- haven't done anything with any friends, husband etc for well over 2 years. We also don't ever have time as a 3. Whilst also trying to raise my son and be the best wife. I see my Dad cry and spend days in bed and I just can't cope. I don't really know what I want from this post. I just wanted to describe. I work part time- 16 hours... It's my only release. Im in a customer service role and just have to smile and get on with it. This morning my stepmum was vile to me... Arguing and I said that I couldn't cope anymore and would not come anymore. This prompted another suicidal episode from my dad this afternoon - I then felt so guilty and apologised and reassured my dad this would simply not happen as I said it was just a heat of the moment comment because I am so tired and I am constantly on the edge.
He has been admitted and dealt with crisis team regularly but its useless as resources are so streched. I don't know what I wanted from this post... Just is it me- do I just need to pull myself together. I can't cooe with the relentlessness of everything.