Feeling Worthless

[SliceoQuiche]

Name changed for this because I’d rather it be separate from my other posts.

I’ve had various bouts of diagnosed depression and anxiety over the years but this feels… different?

I can’t shake the feeling that I am worthless, and that if I wasn’t here, that it wouldn’t matter.

My rational thinking knows that’s probably not true, but it just feels that way. Like I hold the same value as an inanimate object and that people wouldn’t actually realise if I were to disappear, or rather they would realise but would only care in such a way because I was no longer filling a job role or bringing money to the household or making up numbers on a night out.

It’s an odd feeling.. just needed to get it out somewhere as it’s made me feel a bit sad.

Hi lovely. Yes it's a heavy, dark feeling, isn't it? Do you have therapy at all? It might be a good idea to take this one to a safe space to work through it.

Hi,

That is definitely the depression speaking. I used to find it helped to list (on paper, so it's written evidence) all the things I did, however small, that helped the world tick along. Everything from feeding the birds to helping at Food Bank to making DC's packed lunches and tucking them in at night, to washing their clothes, or helping a client who was struggling with their work.

I bet a lot of the things you do are necessary but even if you did nothing, even if you just breathed in an out, sitting under a tree for the rest of your life, like Buddha, you would still be worthwhile. The fact you are alive makes you worthwhile.

You don't have to do anything to earn the right to be alive. It's an odd realisation if you were raised to feel like you need to strive all the time to be good enough, or raised with a sense that parents barely noticed your existence or your needs. But actually, you are fine as you are.

I may be very off-target here, but I find people who feel worthless are ones who didn't get their basic needs met in childhood. Either you weren't provided for materially or emotionally or both. If that's the case, it can help to just take a bit of time every day to ask yourself: what do I need? Whether you feel you have the right to them or not, your list should include healthy food, clean clothes and a comfortable bed, so start with just providing those, as if you were providing for someone who is worthy.