I feel broken, mentally exhausted, and so so lost. I don't know why I am writing this but I guess I'm hoping I will find people who have experienced the same or know if this is normal.
Since having my first baby 18 months ago I feel like I've been on a rollercoaster of emotions. I didn't have a great birth experience (stretch and sweep preformed without consent, doctors arguing during the delivery, surgical sponge left inside me, episiotomy stitched up without effective pain relief are just some of the highlights) and I randomly get flashbacks of elements of the birth.
As time has gone on I have found myself to have bouts of anxiety, crying, and days where I struggle to get out of bed or do work. I feel like I am drowning and unhappy most of the time. I keep pulling myself up and present a happy face but its getting harder and harder.
I get so angry and I don't recognise myself anymore. I swear at and hate my cat and just want to smack him some days when I used to have so much patience. I snap at my partner. If anyone other than my baby tries to touch me I just feel angry.
My baby isn't a good sleeper and during my darkest days, having not slept much, I started seeing things randomly in the night. I would also get so stressed and frustrated that I would bite myself.
Things are not so bad now, but I feel like I'm slipping and am about to break.
I don't know what to do. I'm in Australia and don't know where to go for help