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Lonelier after becoming a parent!

6 replies

itscomplicatedlife · 14/03/2022 20:47

When our child was due there was so much interest I was on such a high expecting a year of socialising with the more interested friends and family, baby was born and showered with gifts then just a few brief catch ups to nothing. My partners family have been awful! He has a large family with a few siblings that haven't kept in touch at all and 2 have fallen out with us without us even doing anything! It's crazy. My mum died of cancer just 6 wks after our child was born whjch was so hard to deal with whilst also raising a first child, partner also became very ill with a bowel disorder and no one cared, none of them cared, no one asked how I was, or how we were coping, they didn't give a toss about us. We have given up trying to make an effort with them and 2.5 yrs later it's like we aren't even related they don't return any contact. My half sister makes no effort and has seen our daughter twice in 2.5 yrs! It's terrible, what sort of people can be like that to their own family! Luckily my dad is pretty good but he has to work a lot and isn't around much it's turned in to a mihhtmare and mentally I'm struggling I feel such guilt for my child. Friends wise I do have a couple of close friends who I see fortnightly which has been a relief and we're so grateful for, but found making new friendships difficult due to work and time and some play dates have had to be cancelled due to either us or them being ill as we've been plagued with so many viruses since our child started nursery.

Sorry it's just a lot i felt so ill last wknd about it all like down, drained and tired and stuck very stuck, is this just me or is anyone else or has anyone gone through this? 🥺

OP posts:
rainbowninja · 15/03/2022 14:31

Hi @itscomplicatedlife,

Just sending you a virtual hug cause you sound like you could do with one. That's a huge amount to process - new baby and losing your mum at the same time.

Becoming a parent is really hard and it does change your relationships with people, no doubt covid has had an impact on your experience too. It's totally normal to feel drained by all this, do you work or are you a full time Mum? Mainly asking because I didn't return to work after having my daughter and I know it has affected me massively from a social perspective.

itscomplicatedlife · 15/03/2022 15:39

@rainbowninja Thank you so much for the reply and the hug!! 🙏😟

I do work 4 days a wk, mostly from home, when I'm in the office no one can really talk a lot at all so socialising and making friends is virtually impossible it's not helped, sometimes I think I'd be happier at home with my daughter but she's at nursery and enjoys it so I can't take her out but tbh the job fits around our life and I relaly enjoy my day off with her and the wknd but it's not fulfilling. Covid didn't help matters, I've made a couple of in roads with some old friends and keep that going but it's always me making the effort it gets draining trying to arrange things with people and I feel sort of deflated as it's rarely reciprocated if I don't initiate but I think it's honestly as people are just so busy, life is hectic that's for sure it's just hard not having family to visit except for my dad when we are able to at least it's something! Just not how I imagined it all to be but I'm grateful at least I'm healthy and here for her as that's the main thing and keep trying to remind myself of that and the little things x x x x

OP posts:
rainbowninja · 15/03/2022 20:20

You're welcome ☺️

Focusing on the positives is great, when you don't see people as often as you'd like and you feel isolated it can become a bit of a vicious circle tainting the times you do see people. Basically, keep nurturing the positive connections and hopefully they will grow.

Is there anything social you can do with your DD on the day you have with her? A toddler group or something where you might meet other mums with similar age children?

itscomplicatedlife · 16/03/2022 13:33

@rainbowninja Thank you! I had struggled to find anything the last time I checked a couple of months ago mainly due to covid and it seems a lot of clubs are either fully booked up or aren't available at wknds and sometimes not on Fridays, but I am going to have a good search again as It is paramount that I try to meet some more mums with toddlers so I can try to make some more friends 🙏 x x x x

OP posts:
rainbowninja · 16/03/2022 13:43

@itscomplicatedlife yes, finding a mum friend can be a game changer! Even a conversation at the park with another mum or dad can be worth its weight in gold!

itscomplicatedlife · 17/03/2022 12:36

@rainbowninja 100% tbh that's very true I striked up convo with a mum at our local park a few mths ago and we see them at least once a month now which is great, although they're moving away soon 😭🤦‍♀️ but am making in roads with my child's bestie at uni so that's good x x x

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