For the past few months I have been suffering from moodswings. I went for almost a year feeling on top of the world, like my life was excellent and I could do anything, I even joined a uni course because I felt so motivated but every now and again I'd get very upset all of a sudden, usually about the past. I'd suddenly remember stuff, think back to how things used to be or start to worry about the future and I'd end up crying feeling like I had no life or future. I would convince myself that the people around me were going to die, that I had a terminal illness (actually went backwards and fowards to the doctors with everything from breast cancer scares to brain tumour scares) but then as quickly as it came on, it would go off again. When it went off I returned to my OTT happy self, everything was great, the world was beautiful, I loved everyone etc.
Anyway, that was the majority of last year, the happy "me" by far outweighed the sad "me" but towards the end of the year it changed and I was down more than I was up. I started to give up on my uni course believing that I'd never pass it. I felt fat, ugly...like no man would ever want me because I'm so repulsive. I worried about my kids constantly, that they were going to ammount to nothing and have terrible lives as adults and I felt bitter about everyone around me all the time. I hated everyone and I had to make a real effort to be civil to anyone. Now and again my happy self would come back and I'd feel so excited about my kids future, love everyone again and look foward to the day when the love of my life sweeps me away to some exotic country but this mood was becoming rare, christmas was horrible, I felt completely drained of energy, couldnt even be bothered to make an effort for the kids.
Now I'm feeling better again, I'm trying to catch up with my uni work, trying desperately to find a job, I'm excited about finally being able to move and I'm pleased with how the future looks but I can feel "bad" me coming back on and I'm just sick of it. Whenever I feel like I'm on top of things I suddenly feel like crap again. Other people have noticed too and are starting to get sick of me running "hot and cold" but I just cant help it.