Am a regular poster under another username. Created this as I didn’t want it linked. No DH / DC.
I have felt so low, down, anxious as hell since around Christmas. Can’t think of anything that triggered it. It was almost like a switch flicked.
Finally got it together to ring GP towards the end of January. Was told that everyone gets a bit sad sometimes and to try going for a walk & to ring back in two weeks if I didn’t feel better.
Phoned back, they said to try some Buspirone as and when needed, offered to sign me off work (that bit I declined) & to ring back if that didn’t work. A few weeks ago, they put me on Propranolol 80mg once daily. This does / did seem to work for about 2 or 3 weeks. Maybe it is working and I’m just having a dip or something.
But the way I feel now isn’t normal. I’m such a fucking nightmare to be around, I keep snapping and biting because I feel so low and anxious. The anxiety really has a chokehold on me. Even in the moment, I know it’s the irrational mind but it doesn’t help.
I’m worried I will push people away. I have had very, very dark thoughts but I don’t want to act on them. Things got particularly bad one Sunday night & I ended up ringing the Samaritans, where a lovely man calmed me down. But I just cannot go on feeling like this. My mind gives me the dark thoughts as a way out, but I don’t want to do it. I cannot see any way out of feeling like this. I don’t want to feel this way. I want to be ‘old’ me again. I don’t want to be this person. I just don’t know what to do.