Has anyone left their well paid job and felt better for it - how did you manage financially?

[Littlemiss74]

I’m unhappy at work to the point it’s affecting my mental & physical health. I only realised how much when I had a week off last month and felt so much better.

I’m 50 & don’t think I can carry on with this until I retire. But, i am well paid with good benefits. A quick look at the job market it’s clear i’d need to take quite a pay cut if I left.

My DH has just had an increase & has been told they want to promote him in 6 months which would be quite a bit more money but of course who knows in this uncertain world if that will happen.

My head is telling me I’d be mad to give up my job with the security it provides but my heart is sick of being anxious, treading on eggshells, run down and at the centre of office politics which I can’t stand and am no good at.

Has anyone been in a similar position and what did you do? How did you decide if the financial loss was worth it? I just don’t know what to do. Thanks

Not me but my husband did. I was a SAHM and my husband worked as a solicitor. He was a partner at a law firm. We had two children under three and were renting at the time.
He , like you, was anxious and really agitated all the time to the point where I could see him becoming ill. He however couldn't see the state he was in so it's good that you can.

Everyone thought we were mad when we decided to go on benefits till he healed.
We took time to think of alternative careers/ jobs that would give us some balance without risking our health.
The next few years were spent with either me working full time and him with the DH or vice versa.
Eventually we retrained into a job where we can work from home and have a much better balance.

Don't get me wrong it's not easy.
HOWEVER.

I think it was the right decision to make. Your well-being is absolutely more important than financial security. If you can afford to then I would say put your health first. No-one knows what's round the corner so enjoy your good health while you still have it. Something will always have to give in this life and it doesn't always have to be your well-being and health.

Good luck.

Yes. I had a busy job that I loved, had good benefits, security etc. I left it to work part time for a tiny wage. Mainly because of my physical health than my mental health.

It was the right thing to do. BUT it is difficult going from having money and security to a new situation. I had to learn to be happy with what I had, try not to be bitter and try to be grateful that my health is better for it. Nothing beats good health happiness.

Is there any chance you could stand it another few years but with a plan? For example, put as much as possible into a personal pension and that gives you a buffer from age 57. I’ve felt similar since 2018 but my plan keeps me going and means that I can afford to down size jobs from next year. Also be ruthless in personal care. I can cope with daily exercise, mediation, CBT etc.

Thank you everyone. The problem is not my job, it’s my boss. I can’t cope anymore with the mind games, the mood swings, the unpredictability, the constant mind changing, moving the goal posts. I am a nervous wreck and I don’t want to be. It’s been going on for years but I’ve put up with it. It won’t change as long as that person is there & its starting to really affect me now. There is no-one I can speak to at work about it.

@Scottishflower65 good advice

I was feeling similar about my very full on career and could see it affecting my health if I continued forever. BUT the game changer was making a plan. I had a good occupational pension and I threw loads of money into AVCs and other investments. It meant I could take partial retirement and I now work 2 or 3 days a week doing similar work but as a freelancer.

I know it's really tough when you feel you just need to get out, but there's a risk of exchanging one form of stress for another if you don't have a plan. Being short of money, worrying about how to pay unexpected bills etc can put a huge amount of stress on you. Same with lifestyle changes resulting from having a huge drop in income. At one point I even thought about moving house to something cheaper as a way of leaving full time work earlier, but I thought it all through carefully and decided that leaving the cottage I love with super neighbours in a lovely community could potentially be more stressful than remaining in work longer. I'd had a bad experience with anti social neighbours in a previous terraced house and buying a detached cottage had been a hard earned goal.

So, without wanting to minimise how you're feeling, this is something that needs careful thought. Leaving a stressful job can be the right solution for some people, but you need to be really honest with yourself about the impact it will have on your day to day life and consider how you'll manage any resulting pressures

@sodastreamer Very well articulated. I had all those considerations and thoughts too.
@Littlemiss74 Can you grey rock your boss? Total emotional detachment. It’s something that can be learned. I had a similar boss in 2018 and that’s how I coped. Alongside the personal care.

@Scottishflower65 i just don’t think I can as she’d know something was up & then it would be even worse😩 - I’d love to know how you did that though

If you are obviously not reacting at all, just being perfectly professionally pleasant, they don’t get the “thrill” of your reaction. It’s therefore less rewarding for them. I also switched my mindset to feeling sorry for them as they must be a very unhappy person to behave like that and would be thankful every day that I wasn't that person. Imagine how miserable it must be not to be able to regulate your emotions like that.
There are lots of online articles on how to grey rock. You must be consistent to re train their interest in you. I also used to keep all email trails and, if say a goalpost moved, I would refer back to whatever email in a perfectly pleasant way, to say perhaps their has been a misunderstanding / change of priorities or circumstances etc and I’d love to help to get to “new goal”. You can’t change your boss, you can only change you.
I’m not saying it’s easy and I do appreciate that horrible eggshell feeling. Your boss can only have as much effect as you allow which seems a strange concept but it’s true. I actually look back on this experience with gratitude as I can now apply to any unpleasant bosses / coworkers.
Make your plan. If you can, personal pension is the way to go and then you have have flexibility at a much earlier age. The tax breaks are great for now at least.