About 17 years ago my DH’s sister (now my SIL) was extremely aggressive verbally towards me which came completely out of the blue.
She hurled abuse at me at a restaurant. I was very upset and in tears.DH told her where to go and we left the restaurant.
The reason for the outburst was that I had given her her birthday present one day late. She had never liked any of DH’s (her brother) former girlfriends either.
At the time of the incident I was engaged to her brother.
I received no apology for what happened and for years after I felt huge anxiety, and often physical sickness, at having to see her at family get togethers. Neither of us ever referred to it and I always felt intimidated by her.
4years later when her dad, my father-in-law, got seriously ill she did apologise which I accepted.
Maybe his diagnosis put things into perspective?
After this we got along ok and then when her marriage broke down about 5 years ago she confided in me and I supported her.
She has recently started to revert to type - shouting and screaming when she doesn’t get her own way. Although this time it’s been aimed at DH and not me directly.
The reason I’m posting this is because I can feel all those old feelings of anxiety coming back even after all that time.
It’s like my body hasn’t forgotten.
I hate feeling like this, not in control of what I know is actually not that huge a deal.
I thought I was a different person now (I’m 52 ffs) and much stronger but my body/mind is seemingly disagreeing.
I guess I’m looking for any advice as to how to get over feeling like this and to not let her behaviour get to me.
Thanks in advance.