Ukraine Images on BBC

[Glitterlikeawinner]

As I'm writing this I can't stop myself from crying. I watched BBC News at 10 last night with the updates from Ukraine. I have been trying, rather unsuccessfully, to limit my time spent reviewing as I know its just triggering so much anxiety.
I literally gasped and was horrified when they showed the images of a family lying dead on the ground after some form of attack / bomb as they were trying to escape. I cannot get that image out of my head of the poor children, carrying suitcases and a cat carrier. As much as they could carry, dressed for the cold, kids wrapped up in winter clothes and no doubt absolutely petrified at what was going on around them (I'm reliving every single detail from that image and the scenarios of what must have happened in the lead up to this). I just cannot stop crying thinking about that poor family. Everything here seems so worthless and trivial, I'm watching TV and it's just as if everything is normal, laughing and joking and I just feel so guilty to be having even an inch of happiness right now.
That family could have been my own and I'm just so sad and angry at the world and just don't feel like this is a good place. I can see the good work that people are doing to help but its just not enough.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for in this post and I know so many others out there will be feeling the same, and again, my feelings of sadness are nothing compared to what these poor people are living through. I think the shock at seeing those images without any censorship has absolutely floored me, I've felt sad from the start and even witnessing other wars accross the world on the news, they have never been quite as graphic as those images last night and they will stay with me forever

Hi OP

I saw this last night after deliberately avoiding all tv or video footage and it really upset me too.

All I can suggest is to limit how much reporting you watch/listen to if it's really upsetting you. I think for me it's how helpless I feel to help. And > dons hard hat as I'm about to be v honest and I'll get flamed but hey ho > for me it's seeing people and kids who look like me, DH and DD, probably had lives identical to ours that has made this seem so much more real.

I donated what I can afford right now via wearelumos.org at the weekend and big I can afford more I'll give again.

Look after yourself OP 😘

War is like that - and to be brutally honest the British main news channels don't show the worst of it.

But you are absolutely right - watching footage, especially repeatedly on the 24 hour news channels, can be very detrimental.

It's better switch them off, and instead get news from newspapers, the radio, or the 6pm (pre-watershed) news which should have less graphic footage.

Thank you for replying, I am exactly the same. I have a 5 year old and 9 year old and every image of a young boy or girl and I instantly think, that could be DS or DD, that could be us fleeing, that could have been us with our cat desperately trying to reach safety.
I'm just so desperately sad for those people and feel so helpless. I'm sorry, again not sure what I'm looking for in these posts but its nice to have virtual support on here from fellow MN, thank you x

@meditrina

War is like that - and to be brutally honest the British main news channels don't show the worst of it.

But you are absolutely right - watching footage, especially repeatedly on the 24 hour news channels, can be very detrimental.

It's better switch them off, and instead get news from newspapers, the radio, or the 6pm (pre-watershed) news which should have less graphic footage.

That suggestion of pre watershed is a really good idea, I didn't think about there being more graphic images shown on the 10pm news. I guess I thought there would be some level of censorship but you are completely right, this is a war and in some ways the world needs to be shocked. Its just absolutely destroyed me Thanks for support x

I know the exact image you mean because I have had the same reaction.

I am so aware of how horrible this makes me but for some reason it was the cat carrier that broke me. It just penetrated any distance I had from it.

I think you can know that this is happening to people just like you, and you can care deeply, but then you can also have moments where you just feel it so strongly it’s overwhelming.

I remember having the exact same reaction watching footage of someone handing their baby through a train window to a stranger in Syria. That image changed my fundamentally as a person.

I think these things are so difficult to talk about because obviously we are so privileged and we need to be aware of what’s going on.

But I do think these images effect us and letting ourselves process them in a way that isn’t going to ruin our mental health is important.

It is devastating, horror and grief is an appropriate reaction but we also need to keep going, and part of that is creating boundaries and finding real life support.

Thanks @MoonbeamSprinkles you speak so much sense as to how I'm feeling

Op I have watching most TV news reports since the Syrian conflict. Look after yourself.x

"I have stopped watching" that should read.

I saw that image on the front page of the NYT. It absolutely horrified me and made me cry, which is not usual for me.

I showed it to DH who went very quiet.

My first reaction was why are you publishing this? DH said they need to publish it because people need to see how bad it really is so they try to stop it.

In this case, I think he might be right. It is not a picture of a traffic accident. We need to know how bad it is.

But it is indeed horrifying. My brain has difficulty comprehending the horror.

I understand OP. I cried my eyes out at the babies being passed through the crowds in Afghanistan. And again when ITV showed the footage of the poor toddler in Ukraine losing his life in the hospital. It knocked the wind out of me and made me feel physically sick.
I keep thinking the same as you.

But I also think that although it’s good to be empathetic and compassionate, this isn’t helping those families. My crying safe in my house isn’t doing anything that will help them get to safety or when they get to safety.
I’ve seen enough now - I know the brutality that’s happening and now I’ve had to stop watching. Instead I’m doing what I can to make a difference - I’ve donated what I could afford to Red Cross campaign for the medical and food boxes. I’ve sorted out baby clothes and donated those.
I’ve written to my MP about the governments abysmal handling of taking in Ukrainian refugees.

Then I’ve spent the time doing fun things with my DS. Yes it’s heartbreaking that those people can’t do fun things and are at the other end of the spectrum, but if that was me fleeing and struggling, while I’d appreciate the compassion I think I’d also feel quite annoyed and angry about people crying for me in their warm houses. Not to say we are bad people or anything and us feeling what we are seeing is wrong, but looking at it this way made me get a grip on myself and manage to come out of the dark spiral I was in.

I hope you and everyone else upset by it all are OK. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m still very very upset and heartbroken at what’s going on, but for the sake of my mental health I’ve had to find a way to manage it)

I could have written this post. I saw this same very image last night, and it kept me awake for hours. I spoke about this morning with some mums at school drop off and got quite emotional.
I too couldn't help imagining the lead up, the child in their little snow boots. I imagined them getting ready in their coats, and leaving - just so horrific.

I haven't watched the news since late 2020 although I do read the news briefly in order i know what's going on. It's the only way for me.

Me too. It’s unbearable. I haven’t watched the news today. I cried myself to sleep last night. I found the images of old people with their walking sticks heartbreaking, as well of the ones of children. Just awful.

I donated much more than l could afford today. I can’t bear to think of those refugees fleeing. It’s just horrific.

I get a lot of my information from Ukrainkast on bbc sounds- it's a great informative pod cast which sums up the day concisely, intellectually but to a level I understand and it's not as emotional as the pictorial news edits currently. I feel that it also really helps me understand the political reasoning for war, the tactics used and why, the likelihood of scenarios and crucially what I can do to help. It's far better to be informed by this absolute tragedy and understand the reasoning behind it than just the emotional impact alone.

Having said that don't be ashamed/ worried about your emotional response it's a rational and understood feeling to a humanitarian crisis.

I am avoiding the news, but I think what makes this and war in general so painful is that this is people harming other people, in the most inhumane ways. The idea that anyone could knowingly do that to someone else is so sickening, especially to civilians who are unarmed. That doesn’t matter to me whether it’s Ukraine, Syria, or Israel/Palestine. That said, the actions in Ukraine right now are particularly deplorable.

OP, I totally understand your reaction. I too saw the footage (on the BBC website, with the same kind of warning I'm sure I've seen on clips about COVID too). I was shocked that they were showing such graphic images. I suppose I want to be protected from reality Like many others, I'm now trying to limit somewhat how much news I consume about the conflict. I am completely avoiding Twitter as it is completely unfiltered and I came across some absolutely horrific footage (wasn't thinking that it isn't edited in the way mainstream journalism is). Please allow yourself to stop watching the news. If you want to follow developments, stick to written news or at most radio. I understand the feeling of wanting to follow it because we feel so powerless here. However, it makes no difference to the situation on the ground whether you watch it or not. No one wants you to be upset.

I also wanted to add that having kids has made this kind of stuff infinitely harder for me. You have my sympathy

I haven’t seen the image you describe but even listening to ukrainecast and the today program is very upsetting. I feel I need to keep informed though.
The thought of the photo of that little Syrian boy washed up on the beach still makes me cry.

Fortyminutes, l was thinking about him earlier.

Man’s inhumanity to man. And yet there is also this huge outpouring of compassion. How Putin can live with himself l just don’t know.

@youhadmeatjello

I understand OP. I cried my eyes out at the babies being passed through the crowds in Afghanistan. And again when ITV showed the footage of the poor toddler in Ukraine losing his life in the hospital. It knocked the wind out of me and made me feel physically sick. I keep thinking the same as you.

But I also think that although it’s good to be empathetic and compassionate, this isn’t helping those families. My crying safe in my house isn’t doing anything that will help them get to safety or when they get to safety.
I’ve seen enough now - I know the brutality that’s happening and now I’ve had to stop watching. Instead I’m doing what I can to make a difference - I’ve donated what I could afford to Red Cross campaign for the medical and food boxes. I’ve sorted out baby clothes and donated those.
I’ve written to my MP about the governments abysmal handling of taking in Ukrainian refugees.

Then I’ve spent the time doing fun things with my DS. Yes it’s heartbreaking that those people can’t do fun things and are at the other end of the spectrum, but if that was me fleeing and struggling, while I’d appreciate the compassion I think I’d also feel quite annoyed and angry about people crying for me in their warm houses. Not to say we are bad people or anything and us feeling what we are seeing is wrong, but looking at it this way made me get a grip on myself and manage to come out of the dark spiral I was in.

I hope you and everyone else upset by it all are OK. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m still very very upset and heartbroken at what’s going on, but for the sake of my mental health I’ve had to find a way to manage it)

All of this. It not nay means something to do something, it also assists with your mental health. I went to a fundraiser/rally at my local Ukrainian centre and gave money/bought crafts/was present. Afterwards I felt so much better. And next weekend I'll do more.

That horrible feeling is meant to create action. If it freezes you (and we can't help how we process trauma) avoid watching. The people in Ukraine won't be better off because you're feeling so horrified.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Fortyminutes, l was thinking about him earlier.

Man’s inhumanity to man. And yet there is also this huge outpouring of compassion. How Putin can live with himself l just don’t know.

Yes it’s the ‘look for the helpers’ idea isn’t it. Thankfully just before I got to work this morning there were some amazing stories on the radio of volunteers coordinating the refugee arrivals in Poland.

It is upsetting but your tears are futile and don't help anyone. Maybe channel your energies into something practical like fund raising/charity work?

It's really bloody hard to stop checking the news! I tried that when things started getting bad last week, but couldn't control the urge. So I don't know what the answer is. Obviously donate what you can afford, but aside from that, and writing to your MP, signing petitions and boycotting companies that are still supporting Russia's economy, there's not a lot you can do about the war.

Maybe you could try and redirect your thoughts into doing positive stuff in your own community, something that's tangible - I'm planning to do a litter pick this weekend for example. Maybe you could plant a tree in your garden, or look into adopting an elderly pet that's struggling to find a home? Maybe you could look at your family life and think of something small and fun that can become a new tradition? Saturday evenings could be 'fancy meal night' where you all get dressed up and have a posh table set out with napkins and candles and some new music playing the the background while you enjoy a 3 course meal all together? Or if not something every weekend, maybe a few different, fun, one-time-only type things where you let your hair down together? One of my favourite childhood memories is the random evening my parents had us all form an orchestra - my dad played his flute, my mum her recorder, I can't remember what my brother and sister played but I had the important position of lead 'trianglist'! It was very random and we only did it the one time, but it was lots of fun, all of us together enjoying life. Something along those lines, or making a mountain by having all the mattresses up and down the stairs and everyone can play mountain climbers (with a big mattress and all the duvets at the bottom so no-one gets hurt when they fall!) and cardboard sheets as sledges to slide down on. Or if your eldest would enjoy helping you with the planning rather than feel jealous or left out, throw a party (just for the family!) because it's your 5YOs favourite teddy's birthday! You could have the kids make paper chains and have a living room disco with musical bumps and pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, and maybe a dolls tea set type party tea with everything in miniature. I don't know, just 'Never again' kind of activities where you let yourself slip back into childhood for a bit. You can't stop what's happening in Ukraine but you can use it as a reminder that life is short and we should squeeze as much out of it as we can.

News at Ten is censored in that it’s after the watershed.

You’re best avoiding it. I used to find such filming distressing and distasteful. I’ve changed my mind over the years. It’s vital that these horrors are recorded: they may just reach people who really need to know exactly what’s happening, regular people in Russia in particular.

I know the one you mean OP. I saw it too and was thinking about it a lot today. That poor family.

The pragmatic approach is that you don't have to watch the news. Millions of people in Ukraine and elsewhere have no choice but to live (or die) in that reality. Either find something useful to do with that feeling of horror, or don't watch. Traumatising yourself helps no one.

Thank you all so much, I wasn't quite sure what I was looking for when I posted, your reassurance, support and ideas to help have all been so kind
I saw something recently, a video of an old lady, I can't remember where, but she was saying something similar about when things are out of control in the world you need to look at what positive impact you can have locally in your community because that's where good things start. Feel like that makes sense now, I can't impact the war but what can I do locally, maybe this is a good distraction and focus. And also doing good things with my family, I've held them even closer tonight, kissed them, told them how much I love them.....never ever taking for granted these moments...