Feeling like I don't have much hope

[redpanda07]

I'm a 33 year old single mum of 3 kids with no money, no hope, working a crap minimum wage service job cos that's all I've been able to get, still can barely pay my bills and behind on rent anyway. My life has just been an endless mess of poverty, depression, abusive guys who have treated me like dirt, dead end jobs. Have been rejected from so many better jobs I know I could do. I have kind of given up hope things are gonna get better now. The stress and the worry is just endless, so tired and worn out. I look 10 yrs older than I am and I feel even older. Most people treat me as if I'm just a lazy low class skank who can't get her life together. Sometimes I think there probably right, my own crappy decisions got me in this mess I guess. Ive forgotten what it felt like to feel happy about myself. Most of the time can't even motivate myself to go have a shower. Most days I can just drag myself through and push the depression to the side cos I know I have to keep going for my kids but some days I just feel like I wanna break down and cry, idk.

I just want you to know that I read your post and I hear you. I don’t have any answers for you, but you’re not lazy because no one lazy could ever be a single parent. You’re the most important person in your kids’ world and I bet they love you very much. It doesn’t matter if your job is a service job, you do it to look after your family and you should be very proud of that.

I hear you too. Sorry I don’t have the answers either as I have mental health issues and have gone from one crappy job to another and will never now have a career or decent money. But you are most certainly not lazy, you are doing your best as a mum, your kids will grow up knowing you have done the best you can and will love and respect you for that.

There are many people in your situation the difference being in how they view their situation.

For a start you have three children and you are a role model to them.

They see and hear you and take their lead from you.

You can do so many things with your life. You can do an access course and go to uni. You get heaps of financial help with being single etc

Have you been to a GP for anti depressants?

How old are you children?

Can you go to toddler groups etc to meet others? Do you have friends and family?

I echo the pp's. It sounds like you need a break if you can get one?

You sound like an amazing person, and mother. definitely not a lazy one!

💐☕ Take care of yourself X

Hi everyone thank u so so much for evrething you have said to me. It makes me feel a little better that people actually seem to care tbh. I know i shouldnt let people make me feel ashamed of myself but tbh have spent my whole life with people telling me im never gonna amount to anything, and like when half the people you know look at you like your a lazy dirty mess who makes crap life choices then you start losing confidence pretty bad haha. Also the way guys have treated me and some of the stuff ive had to do for money. God its been hard and it kinda leaves you with not much self esteem left. Trying to push the depression to one side is kinda hard sometimes.

@Quitelikeit thank you for the advice, i know i am a role model for my kids and i should try to be a good one. I dont think i am though. My life has just been crap decision after crap decision, no one could think im a good role model. But i am trying to be better and bring up my kids okay and i'm really proud of them haha, they are what makes it worth it. Yeah I am on antidepressants. They kinda numb things and make it all a bit more easy to cope with but atm the stress is really bad cos im strugling so bad with bills and its kinda ruined my mental health haha. Just feel like crap atm. Btw cos you asked, my kids are 15, 13 and 6. Yeah I know i was a teenage mum, i feel bad enough about it already without needing to think about it anymore tho. As for friends and family...kinda no. My mum died when i was a kid and i never knew my dad. My family were kind of a mess tbh, neglect, abuse, that kind of stuff...I have a sister who i still talk to a lot but she is strugling with money and depression really bad too.

It sounds like you are a vulnerable person who has been taken advantage of, who has some additional needs.

I would go to Citizens Advice Bureau, and ask for them to help you fill out a PIP form so you can receive PIP for your depression. Once you get PIP, you will also be able to get bonuses from other benefits (either Tax Credits or Universal Credit).

I would also try to figure out what additional needs you have. Just being vulnerable alone could be a number of conditions.

Being a mum is the hardest job, so the fact you've been doing it for 15 years is awesome and you should be really proud

Why don’t you contact step change or similar for advice on your finances? They can contact firms on your behalf and arrange payment plans etc

Also it sounds like you had a terrible start in life - easier said than done but don’t let it define you.

I’ve experienced many things you mention but my kids drive me on. I take an active interest in their education, try to organise friends over to play and they keep me motivated. It’s a slog but I’ve got to do it.