Feeling so down today I don't want to even carry on :(

[ScarlettOHairy]

Sorry to post something so negative. I'm just so depressed today, I want to curl up in a dark room and sleep forever.

Many things - I just feel totally out of control of my life. I suffer from emetophobia, anxiety, panic etc etc etc and I have therapy but it doesn't get any better. I can't face the rest of my life like this.

Just feel...awful.

I have just posted on PND-Emetophobia and axiety. My story is on there and I feel the same as you. You are not alone!

Well done for posting. Giving you virtual .

Has something happened today to make things worse?

Thanks funnybunny, I just read your post actually. tnanks for saying I'm not alone. There doesn't seem to be any way out of this at the momoent.

No, nothing particular really. I just woke up feeling drained. Thinking of calling my therapist to make an earlier appt, but then have to brave the doctor's surgery and all those evil sickness bugs (rolls eyes). I find it hard to open up and tell him how bad I feel. Tend to say I'm ok, which makes it a bit pointless seeing a therapist in the first place. Sorry, rambling now...

No, you're not rambling!

What kind of therapy is it that you are getting?

Not feeling my best today either. Great you posted. Keep plodding. No rain, no rainbow.

Can you carve up the day? Do essential stuff at your strongest point and make the rest of the day survival only?

When I'm having a rough day photos always help me. I look back, cry sometimes, laugh sometimes. My life always looks better on photographs.

xxx

I will be seeing a phsycologist next week to look at some form of treatment. What kind of therapy are you having scarlett?

Panic and axiety are the worst feelings I have ever experienced, because there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. The more I try and fight against it the worse I get.

Emetophobia is an awful condition, I've been like it all my life but it has got worse the last year or so.

I wish I could go back to bed for the rest of the day but I have and eight month old and another one who will be home from nursery at 3.00pm! (first day back for him - hope he doesn't pick up this bug.)

I'm seeing a psychotherapist who specialises in anxiety disorders. It's a mix between CBT and just talking really. He is lovely, but our appointments are too infrequent and I am not honest enough. Recently i have been trying to remember a time in my life when I was not emetophobic, depressed or anxious. Can't remember a time Will it really get better? I just can't see how.

I love my dd. I love her so much and I feel like I'm letting her down. I'm scared that she's going to end up like me.

Scarlett, do you know where your emetophobia stems from, cause I haven't got a clue. My DH asked me this, but I can't think of any particular incident.

I know what you mean about letting your children down. I feel that same. However I love them and will always do my very best for them. I just want to relax and be free of these feelings and fears, so I can let my children experience everything life has to offer without thinking in the back of my mind all the time what if they get sick...

Do you have a hands on partner or have you confided in anyone close to you how you feel

It will get better. Anxiety is so awful. I don't suffer from emetophobia, but I have problems with OCD so have suffered from crippling anxiety. I have CBT and am also on ADs which made a huge difference.

When DD was first born I had days where I thought the whole house was contaminated and couldn't leave the sofa - I'd sit there with DD thinking that it wasn't safe to do anything. Going on ADs meant I was able to function again, and although I still suffer from anxiety a bit, I am able to manage it, live a normal life and most of the things that would have freaked me out in the past don't affect me at all now.

You won't feel like this for ever. Why do you think it is difficult for you to be honest with your therapist at how tough things are for you at the moment? (not having a go btw - just wondering if getting to the bottom of why you find that hard might help you open up to him a bit more?)

Don't know really, funnybunny. I was horribly car sick as a small child, but so are lots of people who do not become phobic. I've read that it can be caused by any traumatic incident that may not have anything to do with vomiting. My dad was prone to violent rages, so if I somehow associate that fear with car sicknesses in my mind, then that could have been the beginning. That's the theory I'm working on at the moment anyway. Also I was brought up being constantly told how ABSOLUTLEY TERRIBLE it would be if I threw up in someone else's car. Whick I may have translated as how terrible it would be to throw up, full stop.

My dh is really helpful and tries to understand, but can't really. No one else knows.

Dixie, no matter how bad I'm feeling, I find it so difficult to sit in a dr's room and actually saying "I feel bad". I feel like I'm letting him down or something.

Also, he wants me to do "it" ie vomit, go through the "vomiting experience" with him there. And I REALLY REALLY don't want to. He won't force me, but...

Oh Scarlett, you're honestly not letting anyone down. You're just having a tough time and you've built up loads of guilt around this by the sound if it. None of this is your fault, it's an illness, and there is no shame in describing your symptoms - how the illness is affecting you, so that you can get the help that you need and deserve.

Have you told your therapist how distressing you're finding the idea of going through the "vomiting experience"? Is there any way he can break this down for you so you can work on it in a way that is more managable for you?

Thanks so much Dixie, I hadn't realised how guilty I feel.

I have a wierd feeling that this phobia is covering up something else, so when I spend a whole session talking about vomiting, I end up frustrated. I can sort of cope with the emetophobia (apart from when the papers insist on going on about norovirus) but feel like there's something much deeper that I want to talk about - I just don't know what it is.

Have to go now as dh wants the computer, but thanks for your kind words.

scarlett I have just read that the vomit experience isn't a proven cure as most of us have been sick at some point anyway and it hasn't cured us. So although you would be forced to confront your fears it doesn't normally cure it.

I will let you know what the pshycologist says to me on Monday when I see her.

I do wish the media would stop going on about this Norovirus. It really does nothing to help people like you and me.

I've read that too funnybunny. If I was certain it would cure me, I might (on a good day) have the guts to go for it.

Am in Switzerland, not UK, but we had all the newspaper scaremongering before Christmas.

I wish I could just live a "normal" life though.

The news, tv and radio are full of talk re this bug that is doing the rounds in the uk. It is not helping my frame of mind. Roll on summer.

I'm not sure how much more of this I can deal with. Like you I want a normal life.

Thanks for the support. I feel a little better now, but really think I will talk to the dr about some kind of medication because I deserve to live life without constant fear, don't I???

Yes you do!!!