I'm struggling so bad

[slvm11]

Hi,

I just feel like I need to get how I am feeling out as I'm bottling so much up everyone around me thinks of me as someone who just gets on with things I don't think anyone is aware of how bad I am feeling and I instantly feel like I'm being judged when I do talk about it.

I am a mum to 3 beautiful babies 10, 6 and 10 months they are my world and they are what keep me here and grounded.

But recently my mood has been so up and down it's scaring me. I make rash decisions without thinking about the outcome atal it's leaving me in debt I'm missing important appointments just my head is so chaotic some days I can sleep and all I wanna do is sleep. Then others I'm exhausted but I'm filled with anxiety and this constant dreaded feeling like I'm going to massively fuck up and lose everything. I cant settle this is taking over my life I'm getting to a point where I cannot handle anymore of feeling like this I constantly feel like I'm failing as a mum a partner and a friend whenever I've tried talking to my partner he just says ah you will be alright like it's nothing it's almost like he can't be bothered to know

I am at a point where sleeping forever would finally bring me the peace I crave so so much as when I'm awake my head is just filled with noise if that makes sense? I've had this feeling for years and It's always been well who would be here to love and protect my children as much as me? Nobody so I don't want to leave them and that's always been the thing that's stopped me thinking this way.

Over the last few months though my moods have been 100x worse and I'm now thinking like what could be put in place to make sure my kids are ok without me would they hate me for leaving them?

I know this sounds so awful but I can't take much more of this it's making me crazy im struggling to see any sort of future I'm failing and I'm so so scared

There's not much point in this post I'm just hoping it helps to get it all out 😭

Have you spoken to your GP? Please do, they can help you. You don't have to feel like this. If your partner isn't supporting you reach out to other people who can, like Mind.

There’s every point in posting what you did op, I’m sorry you are in so much pain. I think it helps to talk as it gets that noise out & then makes space for us to maybe start to see what we are dealing with, what the noise is all about, where it’s roots are, if that makes sense. Don’t underestimate the impact that all the current world troubles will be having on you at the moment, they will just add to any existing issues you have, so much stuff we are being bombarded with & can’t process. Like you I am wanting to sleep, it’s because we are all overwhelmed, exhausted by the none stop chaotic world that will not let up.

Make an appointment with your GP for a chat, keep talking here as it will help, know that you’re not alone, lots of people are alongside you & understand.