Signed off work… now what???

[UpToMyElbowsInDiapers]

GP diagnosed me with Postpartum Depression the week before I was due to start back at work.

She started me on a course of Welbutrin and suggested talk therapy, which I started once per week. I ramped back up at work, leading an intense project and routinely working until midnight (unfortunately not uncommon among my colleagues… though usually I’m more efficient than others and can maintain somewhat more reasonable hours!). I was excited to be using my brain again and getting back into work I enjoy; however, I didn’t feel like myself at all. Everything was taking me 5x longer than usual, I felt a constant brain fog, and I’d burst out crying sporadically throughout the day - thankfully never with clients, but several times with colleagues.

This is my third (and final!) DC, so I’m pretty sure this was more than return-to-work jitters.

I went back to the GP on Monday and she suggested I should be signed off work for a while. I spoke to my manager and HR, and they full-heartedly agreed and were amazingly supportive. So there we go. 2 weeks back from Mat Leave, and I’m off again.

My question is… now what? The kids are in school/nursery all day, we have a housekeeper who comes in a few times a week because I usually don’t have time to clean given the intensity of my job + 3 DCs. I have an undefined number of weeks ahead of me and have no idea what I’m meant to be doing.

I have a counselling session booked once a week. The doctor is trying me on a higher dose.

… is that it??? How will I know when I’m “better” and fit to go back? I don’t feel like I have any roadmap. If anyone has experience here, I’d be most grateful.

Bumping - thanks

You’re meant to be taking it easy op, you’re not well, no one can tell you when you will be better but rushing things won’t help. Tell your counsellor your concerns, see how you get on there & with your medication. Slow down, one day at a time, be kind to yourself, keep talking here if it helps, sounds like your job is highly pressured & you’re stuck in that mind set. All the best

“ sounds like your job is highly pressured & you’re stuck in that mind set” - guilty. I think you’re probably right about that. I’ve barely ever taken time off since I was a teen. I don’t entirely know where to start. But maybe that’s part of the problem.

What would you like to do with your free time? Can you take up an activity- painting/ crochet/ doing gentle swimming?
Schedule some time for you- maybe a weekly massage.
Read? Binge watch Netflix? Go for walks. Choose activities that will nourish you and that you can connect with and that will in turn connect you to yourself.

I had a burst of energy and scheduled a bunch of nice things for the next few days. Skating with my DD, a visit to my grandmother, dinner with my DB and SIL, and a spa day with my best friend.

… but plot twist! A person I spent 3 hours with yesterday, unmasked, and who gave me a lift home in her car tested positive for COVID today. I’ve dodged that bullet for 2 years but I think my time is up. I expect my family will be isolating next week. Hurrah…

I think you start with what @ScrumpyBetty said which was lovely advice, the bit about activities that will nourish you. Its good to hear that you have been making plans to spend quality time with your friends & family, glad that you have a good support network, this will help you. I hope that you do not test positive for Covid & your plans go ahead. Come back & let us know how you get on, wishing you well

This was me (without COVID in the mix). At first I was really focussed on getting better so I could get back to work. That didn’t really work and it was only when I relaxed that I began to recover. The relaxing part took a good six months and 5 years later I was ready to go back part time to work.
I’m guessing you’d like to get better more quickly than I did (am), so really try to find things you enjoy. I used to see a couple of friends, cross stitch, do puzzles, gardening, play the piano, watch TV etc.

Be careful that you do not put yourself under pressure being "busy" with social commitments, trying to cram things in!!

@Numbersarefun

This was me (without COVID in the mix). At first I was really focussed on getting better so I could get back to work. That didn’t really work and it was only when I relaxed that I began to recover. The relaxing part took a good six months and 5 years later I was ready to go back part time to work. I’m guessing you’d like to get better more quickly than I did (am), so really try to find things you enjoy. I used to see a couple of friends, cross stitch, do puzzles, gardening, play the piano, watch TV etc.

Oh my! My work’s policy covers me for up to 6 months, but I’d been thinking this might be a 3-4 week thing. I definitely can’t stay off indefinitely as I’m the primary earner in our family. I think I’ll focus on surviving the next week if I end up needing to isolate at home with three kids under 5, and then take a couple of truly restful weeks, ramp up the therapy and see where we get to… 😬

@ruthieness

Be careful that you do not put yourself under pressure being "busy" with social commitments, trying to cram things in!!

That’s sound advice. I was aiming for one social engagement per day that will drag me out of the house. I do think that wfh has fed into some of my issues. Since my DH usually does nursery drop off and pickup, I can literally go 3-4 days without spending a minute outside.

Obviously I know that just getting out won’t solve everything, but I do think it’s probably something I need to get back into the habit of doing.

Do you enjoy exercise? A daily walk with a podcast maybe a good aim. Or completing something like couch to 5k.

I would recommend a phased return when you feel ready. Rather than going back too quickly and then needing to pull back.

I slept for a week with minimal pottering and went for lunches and walks and things while I was waiting for my anti depressants to kick in. Once I wasn't teary at the thought of going back and having intrusive thoughts I went back.

In my experience, no one else can answer your question. It's your own one to work through. There are no quick fixes, keeping busy won't calm it, life doesn't neatly return to how you want it to be. Something within you is asking, or demanding you listen, whether or not you want to is up to you. Good luck with therapy and try and lean into it as much as you can while you have this highly precious time for self reflection.

Sorry, this is a bit off topic OP, but were you prescribed Wellbutrin in the UK? Or are you abroad?
I've been declined it in the UK as it's only prescribed for smoking cessation here, though would very much like to try it.

Get a job where you don't work to midnight would be a starter.

That will not be helping.

Seriously, no one gives out metals for this shit