Not coping

[Struggling113]

Hi all
I am 32 and have just left a relationship ( well was dumped ) with a man older than me with two children. He was nice to me at first and then slowly true colours started coming through . I found myself pregnant and he got annoyed with me and would shout at me .
I suffer with depression and anxiety and he would rub this in my face . I am now having a termination and he has blocked me and cut all ties . I feel utterly sick and worthless . I have been prescribed anti depressants . I am so angry at him , but he does not care. I realise he never loved me as he said he did , I was just vulnerable . I can’t stop blaming myself . Can anyone give any advice as to how I get over this I am in bits .

I'm so sorry for the situation that you're in, it sounds like you've really been treated terribly by this man.

Do you have anyone in real life to talk to about all of this? If you don't want to do that or don't think there's anyone who would be a helpful listener, could you look at getting some counselling?

Be kind to yourself as much as you can, however that works best for you.

He's a shit head. The relationship failed because he was awful to you. Not because of anything you did or anything you are.

Are you having a termination because you want to/ think it's for the best so you've no ties to him? Or because he's made you feel like you have to do it? Because you don't, it really is upto you.

You don't even need to tell him if you change your mind and keep it. There are helplines that can talk it through with you to help you get your thoughts clear so you can decide what to do. Either way you don't need to have anything to do with him ever again. Children don't need abusive fathers in their lives. If a termination is what is best for you ask a non-judgemental friend for support IRL. Perhaps they'd go to the appointment with you?

You had your hopes and dreams for the future and now the relationship is over you'll grieve the loss of those hopes and dreams. It's a period of adjustment but you'll come through it. Right now you're going to be upset and that's perfectly natural. Plus you'll have hormones doing their thing as you're pregnant, which could be adding to your feeling emotional. Try to get some sleep, remember to eat, do the things you enjoy doing and be kind to yourself. If you can't sleep right now, take a bath if you haven't already or put your favourite film on and get a cup of tea. Something to distract you from your thoughts going round in a loop.

It was an abusive relationship which will have made your MH worse. Now you're away from him you'll find your MH slowly improving again. In time you'll come to realise you really are better away from him.

Let your friends and family support you through the breakup. Talk to your doctor about your MH if you feel you need more help with that and things aren't more manageable after a few weeks.

Absolute first thing is don’t blame yourself. These kind of guys have to have a bit of charm/apparent caring in order to get a women to start a relationship with them. You clearly aren’t the first to believe in him and won’t be the last. His appalling behaviour is not your fault.

Firstly you should be grateful that you have dodged a bullet. And I’m pleased you have.

You are worth much more than what he was offering and he clearly wasn’t the man for you.

Thinking about him is using up your emotional energy which he certainly isn’t worth.

Time to start looking forward

That’s a bit dismissive, Quitelikeit. OP hasn’t dodged a billet, she’s dealing with a termination alone and is in a lot of distress. She can’t just shrug it off and “start looking forward” as if she’d had a bad date.

How are you doing, @Struggling113?