DS will be 5 in two weeks. He is the loveliest little boy half the time - sweet, cuddly, loves animals, playful, friendly, kindhearted and cheerful. But the other half of the time he drives us absolutely bananas. When he gets upset he throws things, hits, pinches, won't leave his sister (7) alone
Here are some of the things he does:
- ignores us frequently when we ask him to do something or stop doing something; it is as if he doesn't hear us, but we know his hearing is fine
- throws things, often for no reason, but also when upset
- draws on the furniture, takes scissors and cuts cushion covers or other household items, tears holes in his clothes, generally spoils and breaks things regularly (my DD did this as a toddler but stopped at about 4)
- he will suddenly slap my cheeks hard with both hands without any provocation, totally out of the blue. Or hits something I'm holding so it then smacks me in the face. He immediately apologises after something like this and looks crestfallen.. He knows he has done something wrong but he gets these impulses and he can't seem to fight them
- refuses to take accountability for a lot of the naughty things he does, pretends he can't hear when I address them or tells me to stop talking
- his language is poor for his age. He is bilingual and is learning German at daycare and English at home, but he doesn't seem to understand how conversation works and often says random things that don't fit into the linear flow of topics.. he seems to expect we will understand what is going on in his head without explaining things clearly. His German is better vocab-wise but his carers report that they also often don't understand what he is trying to say and can't follow the thread of his conversation.
- he gets various tics - he seems very sensitive to clothing and complains that a lot of clothes prickle his skin. He shrugs his shoulders when he wears T-shirts, trying to rearrange them into a more comfortable position, which never works. He is now excessively blinking which I'm hoping was just caused by dry eyes (we've all got corona at the moment and dry eye can be a symptom)
I try to be calm as much as possible but sometimes I lose my temper, especially if he hurts me. I have managed to get DH to not go from 0-60 when he misbehaves, which has maybe helped a bit. I suffer from inattentive type attention deficit disorder (without hyperactivity) and I'm wondering if he has the same thing? He is a huge daydreamer, with no hyperactive symptoms. He does have some anxiety symptoms - I had anxiety since I was a very small child (I remember clearly having health-anxiety related panic attacks in reception class) and I know it is heritable.
Re. consequences - we try more to reinforce good behaviour than to punish bad behaviour as the latter seems to make him worse. However I have tried to start doing time-outs. He won't stay in the room so I have to hold the door closed... We never do it longer than a minute or so but he gets hysterical if I threaten to shut him in the bedroom. It feels wrong and unhelpful to me to make him so upset but it also seems to be the only consequence he truly fears.
Can anyone offer any advice? Being in quarantine has sharpened all the usual tensions and I'm feeling at the end of my rope.