Just wondering why I feel I can't cope

[ImJustMadAboutSaffron]

I feel a bit of a fraud putting this post here, as I don't have severe mental health problems, but I didn't know quite where to put it. But I am struggling to keep on top of things - the house, work, life in general. And it is making me feel a fraud and a failure.

How the Christ those of you with kids cope and keep on top of life, house and everything else, I just don't know. I feel I can't and it is just me! (and a mini menagerie).

I live alone apart from my cats, and the house is a very small terrace with a backyard (with pots and a few conifers etc) and no front garden, so low maintenance. I have several cats, a fulltime demanding lecturing job, up at 6am, commute about 60-75 minutes each way, leave between 4.30-5.00 then on the way home go to the gym/class Monday-Thursday evening and Sunday morning. I also have a small part-time business that takes up some time some days before and after my day job (pet-sitting).

Factor in social life (hardly go out in the week, maybe once a week I;ll see one friend or another at home or something) but at weekends I do like to catch up with friends both days.

I really love all these things. But it means I struggle to keep on top of basic stuff - laundry, housework, shopping, etc. I have to do an hour of tidying/cleaning each evening sorting out the cats, putting stuff away, surfaces, floors etc. General maintenance stuff.

It is getting to me in the fact I feel a failure. I'm no Mrs Hinch, even though I seem to never stop! I feel I am doing something wrong to not be able to keep on top - well, get on top in the first place, never mind keep on top of it all. The alternative I suppose is no social life,

It looks stupid written down. But one small house and just me, and I'm failing and making myself feel a failure. Don't know what to do.

You're not a failure, what I see is that you have a great job, look after your health, have pets and hobbies you love, your own home and lots of friends. That's amazing!

You've put this in mental health, so the first thing is looking at whether there is an underlying issue with depression, or maybe with neurodivergence that's making everything feel overwhelming. If there is, focus on that first.

If not, what I'd see is that you're doing a lot of extras - you might want to keep them all, but maybe acknowledging that they are choices and not actually needs might make you feel more in control.

• Gym 5 days a week or more plus friends a few times (all great! Just saying it's also leisure not just another thing on your to do list)
• cleaning for an hour every night. I'm a single full time working mum of 3 and don't do that, have you broken down what you're doing? Floors don't need doing daily (unless it's a cat issue), 'putting stuff away' can be done as you go so there's minimal left at the end, cooking can be done in batches or simply so that you cook less and can reheat leftovers, or have basics.

The Organised Mum Method saved my life, you don't have to be a mum but it breaks down house stuff simply.

• Petsitting. Do you truly love it, or need the money? I assume it will add a fair bit of cleaning and admin too

I'd look through your average day and see what you can drop, minimise and potentially outsource (depending on your budget, a second hand robot vacuum for cat hair, or a once a month cleaner for a deeper clean could make a huge difference). Can you combine things too - e.g see a friend at your fitness class, or drop one gym day but go on a 2 hour weekend hike or other outdoor activity with someone, or do a YouTube video version while hanging out with your cats.

Another one is decluttering, if that's relevant. Less stuff means fewer jobs and less to clean. Flylady has good tips here.

You can do it - you clearly have so much going for you, and are doing better than you think.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron your life sounds nice. I think you're doing alot and commuting can be draining with a demanding job. Don't be hard on yourself.

I agree with @OverTheRubicon advice.

Also I'm not sure what age you are but could you be going through peri menopause?

Life can feel overwhelming at times and comparing ourselves to others is not always a good thing.

You're definitely not a failure! Agree with @OverTheRubicon that amazing comes to mind regarding your achievements

Thanks for these comments both of you. Really appreciate them and some good ideas. I'm 42 so maybe perimenopause is a reason.

It sounds like you’re enjoying life on the whole and have a good balance. You work hard and deserve to enjoy the things you do. @OverTheRubicon gave some great advise but wanted to ask if you’d maybe think about a cleaner? I appreciate it might not be something that everyone could afford but if you are able, it would be lovely coming home to a nice clean house and less pressure on you.