People Pleasing- how to stop

[Tirediam]

Hi all,
As the thread suggests really. Im 42 this year and starting to give less and less of a f what people think of me but I still have an urge to people please and don’t respect my own boundaries at times. It’s like something ingrained I can’t get rid of and just a natural response to say “oh yes I’ll do that for you” or “I agree” when inside I’m screaming the opposite. Any former people pleasers here?
This is really only an issue in work and not out of work. I hate that I don’t respect my boundaries and it eats me up.
Any advice welcome. Thank you 😊

You need some phrases ready depending on the situation.

That won't be possible
That doesn't work for me

Anything really, other than saying yes to something that you shouldn't have to. People pleasers are massively taken advantage of.

Really good idea above. Could you practice some phrases with a friend?

I don't think it will change overnight. Be kind to yourself and start small!

What sort of things do you find yourself saying yes to, or agreeing with?

Thank you both. I definitely need to practice those phrases.
@D0lphine it’s been going on years but lots of “yes I can do that for you” “I totally agree with you” and just letting people make comments that make me feel like shit. I’ve had enough. It’s the people who don’t people please who get far and see respected and it’s taken me so long to realise I am a people pleaser. Now I want to be the total opposite!

Is it at work or family?

Have you had counselling to think about these feelings?

Have you ever done assertiveness courses?

@D0lphine all at work 😔

When I have too many tasks at work I say to my boss ok these are my current projects and these are the deadlines. If I took on this new project I wouldn't be able to deliver these because it's pretty time consuming. Please could you help me prioritise these as I'm not sure what's business critical?

Then they will look at what you have on and more than likely delegate to someone else. Or sometimes they take things off you too.

Could you write a list of all your tasks you have to do and discuss with your boss next week? Get some things off your plate and then maintain that workload going forward.

All that takes confidence though. This is the thing.

The ball is really in your court. If you actively want to stop this you need to address it head on. Therapy is helpful and often essential as we don't see what we are doing very easily often.