Feeling low ... second time mum - is this right?

[PEONY1318]

I have just recently nearly two weeks ago become a second time mum and am finding it very difficult even though i have great support at home as my parents help out alot especially in taking care of my older son.. but have been getting feelings of total desperation and loss... i feel torn between the two children and it doesn't help that no.2 keeps crying all the time.... please need advice and tips from second time mums...

yes....children are known to go through this stage when an new baby arrives....and baby cries as a baby does....its the only thing they can do when not feeding or sleeping....

this was worse for me as i didn't have good family support, so i ended up just trolling along hoping it would go away but it didn't and it spiraled into PND for me....

my advise is find a nice toddler group nearby you could start going to in a few weeks with both children if your 1st is still young, or a baby group in the ay if older and at school....you will bond with other new mums and feel less pressures from being inside all day, and then once older child gets home from school do something for an hour with them while baby sleeps off the exitment of the group....things like that helped me and both my 2 to settle!!!

good luck, and congrats on the baby!!

Peony, sounds like you're having a tough time, I second the suggestion to get out and about as much as possible - it was the most valuable piece of advice I had on having dd2 - you can start to go a little stir crazy otherwise.

Toddler groups are great but so is a walk in the fresh air or visiting friends and neighbours, even if you just put new baby into a buggy and walk around the block, it gets you out.

I found it really helpful to get baby into a good routine and in bed by 7pm. It was not easy but I managed it and this meant that I had time at night for my eldest daughter. I explained to her that this was 'our time' and that whilst baby was young I may not always be able to do the things that I did before baby arrived. She was very good and understood. It also helped that I got her really involved in helping me with the baby. However there is a 7 year age gap between mine so this was quite easy. Try and relax and enoy your baby....they are not babies for long and I am sure that you can maybe set aside 'special time' for your older son.

Thanks for the support glaskham, wisteria and karen999... will try and get out more often.. am trying to get baby into good routine at the moment so am puting off going out too much... no choice today though as we are snowed in today! Am feeling a little better today.. but am trying hard to keep those 'desperate' feelings away. Appreciate the advice which was much needed

hi peony, just found this, hope you don't mind me resurrecting your thread.

I'm in the same position with a 3.5 YO and 4 MO and wondering how you are managing your situation. I am feeling quite desperate myself and planning to go and see my GP.

let me know if you want to chat any time.

Hi Pendulum.

Hope you don't get this too late, you should definitely go and see your GP, i went to see mine and she diagnosed me with post natal depression and put me on antidepressants called Fluoxitine , let me know how it goes, these are supposed to make you calmer which i suppose it has , im not 'losing' it so easily... again let me know how it goes and if you haven't been to GP yet, go now.