Is anybody else billy no mates like me

[zez]

Hiya

I am painfully shy and as a consequence I don't have one single person I can call a friend.
The only people I have are my family.
I feel awful for my 7 year old ds who is an only.
Due to me having no friends with children of his age he doesn't get any interaction with children of his own age all of his cousins are grown up.

It has always been just me and my ds and if I do take him anywhere like softplay, holiday activities etc I feel as though we are the odd ones out as everyone else is with another mom and their children.

There has been so many things I have wanted to take my ds to but I have not had the courage to go for being on my own.

My son goes through the whole of the 6 weeks school holiday without seeing another child.

My ds has plenty of friends at school and I have arranged playdates after school and he seems quite popular.
Of late he never seems interested is going anywhere with me when he isn't at school which may involve him mixing with other children that he doesn't know.
I am starting to feel very down about it and wonder if it is always going to be like this.

I would hate for my ds to turn out like me.
Is anybody else in a similar situation.

Hi, me I guess - although I do have a small circle of friends I find it very difficult to make new friends and always feel on the edge of the social circle iykwim. Where abouts are you?

I was a painfully shy child but have learnt to hide it somewhat overthe years.

I've no real advice just wanted to say you're not alone - by any means

Where are you Zez? I'm sure a MNetter would love to have a no-strings coffee with you, so if its a disaster you need never try again. You never know, you may find a soul-mate!

I feel for you. I hide behind text/email/ MN to avoid talking face-to-face

yup. Moved when pregnant and then dd was born brain damaged so wasn't able to go to mums n babes or toddlers and when I did I was treated like a freak. Have 'friends' elsewhere but don't see them except at Home education camps.
Get very lonely sometiems.

I also hide behind text and email - I'm too shy to email people from MN even though I have their addy's.. they probably think I'm v unsociable. Tis v hard being shy

I have always been very shy, but am getting better as I get older. So I really sympathise. I understand how it feels when everyone else seems to make friends easily.

Zez, from your post it sounds like you don't have a job or a partner - am I right? I find that the less people I see day-to-day, the harder it is.

Hi
I am the same I hide behind email and mumsnett.
I have only just managed to pluck up the courage to post on mumsnett thats how bad I am.
I could never open up about how I feel face to face with anyone.
tbh I have not got a clue on how to make small talk and I struggle to think of things to say to people and also worry I may say the wrong things.
Its an awful way to be and it can leave you feeling very lonely.

I would love to be able to chat away at ease.

I am from the west midlands walsall.

Hi
ScarlettOHairy

I do have a partner but you know how it is he works long hours all week so me and my ds are on our own alot.

I also work 2 night shifts a week in a nursing home where I meet a few poeple.

I don't know what it is about me but if I have ever had a chance to make friends I shy away from it.

Start by chatting on MN - I hope you have a thick skin despite your shyness just kidding (sort of)

I think there are quite a few MNers around your area FWIW

'tbh I have not got a clue on how to make small talk' - zez you're doing it right now!

How about this for an idea... do a name change for a while and just pretend you're a different person. Post some controversial views on a few threads (anything to do with breast feeding or Fruit Shoots should do nicely!)

Have fun seeing what response you get.

lol Fortyplus you aren't encourage her to troll are you

No - not really - I just thought she could 'practise' at being more outgoing without anyone knowing who she is. I wasn't suggesting that she should do something really outrageous, like whoever it was that started the thread about her dh calling his willy 'tarzan' and drawing a face on the end of it!

Hey zez
Although i'm quite sociable now, i totally struggled with small talk for ages. I could never think of ANYTHING to say, and was always putting my foot in it if i did say anything. What surprised me was that once i was forced into social situations i discovered it's a learned art - you get better at chatting with practice! i even used to have a sort of list in my head of questions to ask if the coversation stalled - just 'have you always lived in this area?' or 'have you been on holiday this year?'. It helped me feel less nervous, and i discovered almost everyone likes talking about themselves all i had to do was be a good listener.

lol FortyPlus - it was just the mention of such controversial subjects

Will be watching for a post from 'fez' saying - 'Oh yes - I've been feeding mine Fruit Shoots from 3 months old - what's wrong with that?'

Or maybe the alternative:

'I think anyone who feeds their child a Fruit Shoot should be forcibly sterilised and have the child taken into care'

I once learned the acronym FORE to help with small talk. Topics to ask people questions about:
F = Family
O = Occupation
R = Recreation (ie what hobbies they have etc)
E = Educatation

If you panic in social situations, it helps to have a plan. Also, it may sound stupid, but try preparing ANSWERS to questions too. Something interesting to say about where you live or your job. That way, you are less likely to be taken by surprise. It really helps!

Small talk is boring really, there are some people who can never go beyond it. I struggle with it, and prefer to jump over it into deeper topics.

By the way, I'm originally from Wolverhampton so just up the road Not living there now though.

PS "practising" by posting on Mumsnet really does help too! I sometimes find myself reading and lurking and not daring to venture into the conversations. When I catch myself doing that, I find something simple and jump right in!

I agree with Scarlett's tips, but although there is a lot of advice out there about asking people about themselves encourages them to talk about themselves and therefore warm to you, some can either find it intrusive (I do this a lot and put people off!) or they can boast a lot sometimes and make you feel vulnerable. One thing I have found useful is practising 'listening techniques' which help you to essentially mirror back what they have said to you, which does help them to relax and can help you not to worry about what to say next.

Message withdrawn

yup your definitly not alone hun, i was shy as a child and teenager but came out of my shell at uni. still ahve a lot of friends from those days but rarely get to see them as we all moved away. where i am now i basically have my family and a couple of friends at work who i see outside of work occassionally. i would love to have some friends who are mums to do the soft play thing etc. some of my friends back where i used to live now have young children and its lovely when were all together and i get quite jealous when they say they've just been out for a coffee with so and so! ive joined the local thing but mine is also dead, do intend on joining some play groups though so hopefully might start the ball rolling

Thanks to you all for taking to time to reply to me.
Mumsnett has been a real godsend to me its made me realise that maybe I am not so abnormal after all.

I always worry that if I do try and make small talk with people I may ask questions that appear nosey or intrusive.
My son recently joined scouts and even after he had been going for 2 months I had still not got past just saying hello to people which was really starting to get me down.

All the other kids parents seemed to have known everyone for ages and seemed to have some sort of association outside of scouts as well.

My son doesn't go anymore as he wasn't keen on it. And I feel really awful saying this but I was relieved isn't that terrible.

I sound so pathetic don't I and I feel a failure on my sons part.

I recently had a chance to maybe meet up with some old school friends on friends reunited but the thought of it petrified me sitting there and trying to make conversation with them worrrying about how I am coming across to them.

I think I need a kick up the backside to sort myself out.

Thanks for all of your suggestions.

Anyone near me - am not at all strange or werid in anyway shap or form honest! Would love to meet more friends has have none......saddo that I am. So give me a shout out if your near Southampton?????????????

Oh dear - they all ran away! I'm nowhere near Southampton but I thought I'd bump the thread for you to see if you get any interest this morning.

Hi Zez.. dont ever feel you are alone - there are always mumsnetters here who will chat and listen to you. Im sure there are loads of mums in your area too. How about trying to get to know some local mums and hopefully getting together one day for a coffee and take it from there. Im guessing that you have 0 confidence? I used to be so shy that I would cross the road if someone approached me (regardless of whether I knew them). I also used to be really lacking in confidence, but Im getting better and working on it. Have you ever heard of a website called meet up.com? There are local groups for people, including shy people..Feel free to chat to me any time

Hi
Thanks for that YumzieMumzieLaura,

I am really taken back by the response I have had.

I thinks its great that people will take the time to listen to my problems and try to help.

I really do need to get to know people in my area but it just seems so diffcult for me the way I am but I do know that only I can change things.

And yes I know what you mean about crossing the road to avoid people as on occasions I have avoided walking out my front door if any of my neigbours have been out to avoid having to make conversation.

Its not that I don't want to talk I can just never think of things to say.

I sound quite pathetic don't I.
Its nice to know I can talk to people on here.

I will check out that site you mention.

No you dont sound pathetic at all. I still sometimes worry about awkward silences (depending on who Im talking to) and sometimes I just blether a load of rubbish! hahahaha. You need to start liking yourself sweetie! I read a book recently and it told you how to boost your confidence by making a list of all your good points, all your achievements (your kids are one of those of course!!). Heres a personal question.. do you like the way you look?