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Feeling on the edge over Ukraine and can't really cope

22 replies

yoolia · 27/02/2022 18:15

Please be kind. I am really feeling I'm on the edge of a precipice here. Although I was born in the UK my parents were refugees escaping a war zone and I have grown up with that family legacy. I am completely obsessed with the situation in Ukraine and basically haven't stopped refreshing my phone since it started. I feel there's no point planning anything. I have a shit tonne of work to do before tomorrow and it just feels so pointless and ridiculous now. I can't make myself focus.

My husband doesn't get it, he says just stop watching the news but I physically can't. I feel I need some diazepam or something. Is anyone else feeling like this?

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MrsWooster · 27/02/2022 18:20

Can you do something practical -our local Polish community is collecting stuff for Ukrainian refugees etc. This might make you feel less helpless.

yoolia · 27/02/2022 18:29

I've donated some things but I just can't really get myself together. I've been biting my tongue so much it's now covered in ulcers (I always do that when particularly anxious), and I have pins and needles and a really tight chest (again anxiety). Every time I look at my little boy I want to cry.

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glowingpink · 27/02/2022 18:32

Can you phone the GP tomorrow? Obviously everyone is worried about the situation but sounds like it's going further than that for you.

yoolia · 27/02/2022 18:34

I think I might have to. What I need is a sedative but I know they won't give me any. I'm already at my maximum dose of propanalol and it's not helping.

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reallyworriedjobhunter · 27/02/2022 18:35

I think that short term you need to see your GP and long term, you need some in depth help with this like CBT.

I am sorry you are feeling like this.

yoolia · 27/02/2022 18:39

I've had CBT and years of therapy. I've tried beta blockers and every kind of drug. This is not new for me. I spiral like this sometimes but usually I can pull myself out of it.

I have ADHD which doesn't help.

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bluejelly · 27/02/2022 18:51

Have you got the headspace app? It is very good for anxiety and it's effect builds over the weeks. Worth 10 mins of your time every day.

bluejelly · 27/02/2022 18:51

Also, are you able to take regular exercise? Always helps when I'm feeling anxious

lightand · 27/02/2022 19:05

I will pray for you.

YouWereGr8InLittleMenstruators · 27/02/2022 19:05
Flowers I hear you, OP. Good suggestions here, so nothing to add, but really feel for you and the many who struggle to filter and process with what is happening. A family member is struggling similarly, again with ancestoral, familial trauma relating to displacement.
VioletLemon · 27/02/2022 19:11

Get some Diazepam then, that's what its for and distance yourself from news. Perhaps you can access some counselling it sounds like the current situation is triggering some long held deep rooted fears. I know it's awful but it's a time to be grateful for what we have. Take care.

scarpa · 27/02/2022 19:19

I understand, I've been feeling the same and that's without the family legacy - a hyperfocus mixed with an emotional connection is always going to be dangerous.

A few things to remember: firstly, Russian media specifically and the internet generally are awful for misinformation, so it's likely you're seeing a huge amount of falsehoods, deliberate lies, misunderstanding and people speculating who don't have the knowledge or experience to speculate. Even trusted, seemingly unbiased news sources have an angle and want clicks - I work in news media and the number of clickbaity, Buzzfeed-style articles with "10 ways Putin has done X" that are terrifying scaremongering is shocking to me (and I see it every day at work).

You're likely to be seeing a lot of information which is just wrong, misleading or unnecessarily speculative for whatever reason - it's the news equivalent of reading gossip magazines because it's open season on speculating. Just as you wouldn't eat chicken nuggets all the time, you shouldn't consume every piece of shit news all the time - choose 1-2 reasonably trusted, balanced news sources and check them at intervals. The constant doomscrolling is harming you and you're not learning anything of use - nothing you learn changes anything, it might not be true anyway and it's directly affecting your health. Block sites and delete apps if needed.

Secondly - if you've done CBT you're probably aware of the idea of preemptively suffering with anxiety for something that hasn't happened yet, meaning you suffer it twice. You could worry and worry and worry now, and then if something bad DID happen to you, you're going to worry anyway. You're not stopping it happening by being anxious now, nor does it stop it being scary if it did happen in future. Not saying this helps you stop, but think about what this worry is achieving for you - does it help you respond better to any potential dangers? No, because you're a nervous wreck full of conflicting scary information. Does it help control the outcome of the situation? No. Does it help anyone around you? No. What are your goals right now? They're keeping yourself and your family safe - and right now, there's no threat to you or your family, so turn your attention to positive action. Can you donate, write to your MP asking them to speak up for better provision for Ukrainian refugees, volunteer at a local refugee centre, go to a solidarity March, etc?

And lastly - there is no danger right now to us, here. It doesn't make it any less tragic and horrifying, but we are safe. We're very unlikely to ever not be, even though it seems volatile. Focus on that and your babies and being thankful that you are safe and well and together - don't let fear and anxiety ruin that for you over something that won't happen.

I get the fear - I spent 48 hours staying up all night, reading and obsessing, and I was making myself ill. I wasn't helping Ukraine and I wasn't warding off anything bad happening, I was just reading every moron on Twitter's wildly off-base take and panicking. I've restricted myself to a couple of news checks a day now and focusing on doing useful things I can do to help and staying busy the rest of the time. As depressing as it is, situations like this are happening all day around the world - hardly anybody (including me!) is saying they're up all night worrying about that on Twitter. We are picking and choosing, because this seems huge right now or because the media is pushing it or because it fits a narrative or because it's closer to home so it feels more real, but sadly human nature means this isn't all that unusual. We have to be able to purposely choose what to allow into our brain space or we would go mad, and you and your kids need you to keep it together ❤

pixiedust21 · 27/02/2022 19:23

@scarpa thank you for this excellent measured post! Going to take much of this advice myself. Sending solidarity OP ShockThanks

yoolia · 27/02/2022 19:25

I think I'm beyond mindfulness or exercise at this point tbh (my ADHD means mindfulness in particular doesn't really do much for me). If I exercise I'm OK while I exercise but it doesn't last at all. I will definitely call the GP in the morning. Dreading tonight as I know I won't sleep.

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MajorCarolDanvers · 27/02/2022 19:25

If you feel that bad then contact your GP first thing tomorrow for an appointment.

Otherwise you need to do something to take your mind off it. Exercise would be best as it will get good endorphins going and tire you out. But otherwise read a book, clean the house, watch netflix, bake a cake. Anything to keep yourself busy and occupied.

yoolia · 27/02/2022 19:27

My paternal grandmother had 8 children and lost all but 3 of them in the war in my parent's country. I don't know how she bore it.

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yoolia · 27/02/2022 19:27

I should be working to keep myself busy but I just can't get my head around it

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hedgehogger1 · 27/02/2022 19:38

Do you work? Does your workplace offer staff well bring programmes? I can access free confidential counselling through mine, although I've never used it so I don't know how good it is

yoolia · 27/02/2022 19:52

Sadly I'm freelance so if I don't do the work I don't get the money

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Footle · 28/02/2022 09:11

@scarpa , what a great post.

BringItOnBruno · 28/02/2022 09:53

@scarpa great post

I've just posted this on another similar thread. I read a lovely phrase on here which really helped me over the weekend. When it all gets too much, just "fetch the wood, carry the water."

Focus on small immediate basic things for now. It's become my mantra and for some reason it really calms me down. ( And if you need the Valium, get it.)

housemaus · 28/02/2022 11:17

[quote BringItOnBruno]@scarpa great post

I've just posted this on another similar thread. I read a lovely phrase on here which really helped me over the weekend. When it all gets too much, just "fetch the wood, carry the water."

Focus on small immediate basic things for now. It's become my mantra and for some reason it really calms me down. ( And if you need the Valium, get it.)[/quote]
I love that expression - will add it to my mental arsenal Smile

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