Struggling day to day

[Jeshka07]

Hi,

I'm just hoping for some advice and maybe to offload some of how I've been feeling for a while now as it's so hard for anyone I have spoken to to understand I guess.

On the surface I have a wonderful life... a lovely husband, 2 lovely children (3 & 1), a lovely new(ish) home, no real financial worries any more due to paying back debts etc very recently etc etc.

BUT, I am really struggling with life at the moment. I find it so difficult to get myself motivated day to day. I wake up thinking the day will be better but by mid morning I've given up. The children are a handful and very spirited! Which is lovely of course but the house is always a tip and I feel like it's dirty and unclean. We have no routine at all. I work part time now 3 days a week but as its teaching it is full on all day and there is often work to do at home. The kids go to nursery on 2 of the days I am at work. My DH works shifts so 2 days, then 2 nights then 4 days off, not the same days each week as its a rolling shift. This means that some weeks we barely see each other, some days he sleeps half the day and I have the children trying to entertain them quietly or leave the house, and then the days he is at work are 14 hour days factoring in travel etc

The DCs are awful sleepers and have both been since they have been born. DD(3) is better now but not consistent. 1 year old is just in our bed every night after several wake ups and not wanting to fight it any more. To top off a rubbish night's sleep a couple times a week I wake up to the dogs having weed or made a mess in the kitchen. I'm almost always the first up with the kids so have to deal with that too. It just seems like the straw thay breaks the camels back sometimes.

I am unhappy in myself as I am severely overweight which is something I am wanting to change but again the motivation is severely lacking. I know I need to deal with it but it seems a bit hopeless.

I end up most days completely worn down or very angry and my husband and children dont deserve to suffer because i'm stomping around in a mood all the time. I am exhausted. I feel like I need to get a routine and manage the children's behaviour better but I don't even know where to start. It's a real effort to push myself to get out of the house at the moment unless I really have to and I just feel so overwhelmed I suppose. I have previously spoken to a therapist about social anxiety which helped for a time but I've just gone under a bit again.

Sorry for the complete ramble I just don't know what to do. Wait it out and hope things get better? I've spoken to my DH who doesn't really get it but tries to help. I have no real close friends either to talk to.

Again, thank you if you've read all my rambles. I appreciate that I have nothing to be really feeling this way about which adds to the guilt and I'm trying to pull.myself out of it but can't seem to get a leg up at the moment.

I think sleep is the crux of your low mood. I'd be inclined to throw all of my energy and resources into trying to get that figured out. Are the kids getting outside a lot? Turn TV and devices off for everyone at least an hour before bed. Are the bedrooms dark? Can you start making a clear ritual around bed time, same things every night to help them (and you!) wind down for sleep. Could sleep training be helpful at this stage, given your youngest is past the stage of waking for night feeds? I honestly think once sleep issues are solved, the rest will follow (or at least you'll have more capacity to make changes elsewhere to deal with that stuff).

Honestly the way you're feeling is totally understandable. Lack of sleep is a life killer!

Would more time in nursery help, esp for the three year old, are they getting their 30 hours yet? And use the extra time to try to get some time to yourself, honestly to me it sounds like you are doing amazingly and you should, be bloody proud of yourself, you sound very down on yourself, if you were my friend I would be in bloody awe of you!

@bonesjones thank you so much. The bedtime routine is fairly consistent with timings etc we have tried everything with white noise machines, bed time room sprays the whole lot. But we do the same sort of routine as we always have. We had made good progress with my daughter but when son came along the routine went a bit out the window. She needs someone to sit with her the whole time til she goes to sleep now. More manageable when we are both home but when I'm on my own I have to put the baby to sleep and then go back in to her as she doesn't settle on her own. We tried controlled crying etc with both a little bit but I couldn't stand to hear the crying so gave that up pretty quickly.. so sticking to these sorts of things has never been my strong point! I definitely think we could gp out and about a lot more and get more fresh air. I think maybe screen time is more than it should be and I need to be stronger with myself to maintain more boundaries. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond it really means a lot x

@mediumred thank you that's very kind to say. Its difficult to see through the fog at the positives. DD is only just 3 so after April will have her free hours. I was thinking of adding another morning to their nursery whilst I would be at home but I feel guilty sending the baby in too really. Though I know they love it. And it would probably be a massive help just for a few hours of quiet to get some jobs done. Something to think about for sure. Thank you x

Please don’t feel guilty, giving yourself a bit of downtime will hopefully make the time you do spend with the kids easier and it sounds like they get a lot out of nursery, I don’t think putting them in for an extra day, not just a morning, would be an issue given how much out of hours work teachers have to do. Is the nursery term time only? You could use the extra time they are in nursery to sort out the house or exercise but maybe initially not even worry about those things and just catch up on a few hours sleep and get ahead with a bit of admin etc? Be kind to yourself