Feeling unfulfilled or mid life crisis?

[MrsTeaShore]

Does anyone else find themselves feeling lost , unfulfilled, low on confidence and asking a lot of questions about life? On paper I have a stable home life, married with 2 kids, and i work as an accountant. But since turning 40 I feel full of self doubt, wish I had a job that was more fulfilling and meaningful, and generally feel like I miss out on time with the kids as am either working or tired. or dealing with the general chores of home life and constantly feeling like the house needs to be tidier, cleaner, better organised etc. ? It often feels like I’m just existing.
I have had difficult times in the past with family deaths and tragedies which have also left me feeling low on strength & resilience and unable to look on the more positive side.
I try to be grateful especially for the basics of health etc. so really looking for other ways (big and small) that people have managed to get themselves to stop feeling like this because I feel like I shouldn’t feel this way. I have tried anti depressants in the past but am feeling like this is more so do with mid-life. I do exercise which does help. Any advice muxh appreciated.

Hi, I don't have any advice unfortunately but I feel exactly like this a lot of the time. I'm approaching my late 30s and do wonder if it's age related - nothing feels new and exciting anymore and I feel very lost and wonder what I'm doing with my life. I often wonder if it's because I don't have kids, but maybe not. Hopefully someone will be along with some more helpful advice!

Its strange isn’t it. Definitely feels like something that happens at a certain age. it’s hard to know how to turn the feelings around into a positive outlook. Would be good to hear from anyone who has felt like this and has managed to pin point why, or found anything that helped x

Yes, I feel exactly like that.

An older friend once said that work is not important for women in the way it is for men. At the time, I was a bit but now I'm a bit inclined to agree. For quite a long time, work has given me little to no satisfaction. I feel much happier when I am doing things in and around the home. I could quite happily not work but I realise that I might be in the minority.

I recommend postcards from midlife podcast

Learn something new- to play an instrument, new language, take up a sport or a hobby or pick a DYI project - anything. I was laughing at all that advice but it really works :D

I felt like that soon after turning 50. I started doing something new every single day - anything from trying a new flavour of coffee to walking down a new street to much bigger things like taking up new sports, travelling to new countries, learning very different work skills from my usual set etc. It definitely made life more fun.

I also like the advice to have something small each day to look forward to (fitness class, catch up with a friend, quiet night in with long bath and comedy on TV etc) something a bit bigger each week to look forward to (night out with friends, day out at the weekend etc), something pretty exciting each month (theatre trip or gig, weekend away, renovation project etc) and something major each year (big exciting personal project like running a marathon, gaining a qualification, major holiday etc.)

Of all of these, I find a big personal goal each year is the most rewarding. If you plan to do something which is just a bit out of your own reach (write a book, lose a stone in weight, run a marathon, renovate a house, get your MA etc) then it feels like life is growing not stagnant.

@gingerhills and @lonelySam That is all great advice , thank you. Maybe that’s what it’s about: Trying to look for the fun but also the meaning and the personal growth. I will look for that podcast , sounds great @NC938738953685

@Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat I definitely view work differently to my husband . He thinks I’m joking when I say I’d rather not work 😬 . However I also over analyse all of this a lot more than he ever would. He just keeps plodding on (in a similar job/career to me) and doesn’t seem to have all these thoughts ?!

@gingerhills

I felt like that soon after turning 50. I started doing something new every single day - anything from trying a new flavour of coffee to walking down a new street to much bigger things like taking up new sports, travelling to new countries, learning very different work skills from my usual set etc. It definitely made life more fun.

I also like the advice to have something small each day to look forward to (fitness class, catch up with a friend, quiet night in with long bath and comedy on TV etc) something a bit bigger each week to look forward to (night out with friends, day out at the weekend etc), something pretty exciting each month (theatre trip or gig, weekend away, renovation project etc) and something major each year (big exciting personal project like running a marathon, gaining a qualification, major holiday etc.)

Of all of these, I find a big personal goal each year is the most rewarding. If you plan to do something which is just a bit out of your own reach (write a book, lose a stone in weight, run a marathon, renovate a house, get your MA etc) then it feels like life is growing not stagnant.

I love this.

Yes, I definitely feel like this op. I am a sahm (youngest soon to start school) and I am in no rush to get a job as I've usually done (a series of unfilling admin jobs or the other extreme of a lot of giving). I'm definitely feeling restless. I've lost energy with the house (it seems constantly untidy and like a never ending task) but I do get what you mean about pottering around - I have a small garden I like to potter with. I'm trying to work out whether this discontent I am feeling is an internal thing or an external thing as I have a lot of negative messages from childhood and only starting now, to work on them (I'm wondering if 'doing' is going to turn things around for me, it would certainly be a distraction). I am definitely stuck in a rut...but I've had my dc later so a lot still revolves around them. I also struggle to make friends as I have avoidant/anxious behaviour tendencies but I would like to meet more people with similar interests and learn new things.

Gingerhills has made lots of great suggestions, I'm watching this thread with interest. You might get more responses if you post this in the chat forum.