Going NC with my mum to save my own mental health?

[ChillyAvocado]

Basically that.

My mum and dad got divorced over 25 years ago, when I was 5. I have moved away from her now, so there is some physical distance but emotionally she relies on me too much.

I hate going ‘home’ to visit.

I phone her once a week roughly and all she does is talk badly about my dad - I’ve heard all sorts, calling him a bastard, arsehole, c*nt. I’m not lying when I say he is brought up badly in some way in every single conversation.

I still have a relationship with my dad so find this so painful to hear. I dread calling her for this reason.

She doesn’t work and has had no life of her own since the divorce. She has no hobbies. Falls out with most of her friends. She has never stuck at therapy and basically does nothing to help herself and I don’t think I can take much more of her sounding off at me about her various issues.

She kicked me out the house when I was 15 as I was crying from breaking up with a boyfriend. She said she couldn’t look at my miserable face. Told me I was having a nervous breakdown and made me go to hospital (alone). I stayed at my grandmas for a month after and my mum never apologised.

She hasn’t attended various life events such as birthdays and graduations (and blamed it on my dad for being there).

I have been the parent and she has been the child.

I love her, but I don’t know what to do

She kicked you out at 15 because you were sad? Absolutely do what is best for you, now.

Going NC with my parents is one of the best decisions I’ve made.

You could also just wind down a bit. What happens if you don’t phone?

I am a mother of daughters ages 21 and 18 plus a son of 15. I was also locked out of the house at 16 by my dad when my mum died. I think you have suffered enough.

I would NEVER treat my children like this. Your emotional and mental health is the most important thing in life as everything hinges upon it. She is not going to change. She has damaged your self esteem so that you are struggling to put yourself first. Its OK. You can go NC or extremely LC such as the occasional card and taking her out for lunch once a year for example. No phone calls or vists at her home. You can decide what works for you and if NC would change your life for the better and your mental health do it!

@JellyBabiesSaveLives

Yes I was also thinking just wind down and distance myself, but she’ll just make me feel bad for it. She’ll likely get angry and say ‘what’s the point in her being here as no one cares about her’…the amount of times I’ve heard that that line!

I’m quite a nervous person and I hate the thought of her/anyone being angry at me or me upsetting anyone. Which is why I question just going straight to NC so I don’t have to deal with the aftermath of withdrawing from her.

Had a phone call with her this afternoon and told her I wouldn’t be contacting her again. Feels very surreal as I didn’t think I would ever have the guts to say it.

I’m pretty shocked…