Parenting after a child's suicide attempt

[lulufar]

Just over 2 weeks ago my 19 year old son attempted suicide via overdose. He lives in another part of the country as he is attending university. After a 2 day stay in hospital he came home to me to recover - he was still quite unwell and wanted to know why we had not let him die. After a stay in respite care he self-discharged and after a battle returned back to his flat near his college. I am really struggling because he will not engage with mental health staff, his GP and just seems wants to be left alone to get on with life. He keeps telling me to stop calling him to check up on him. Nothing has changed for him in terms of getting help and support for the issues that made him so desperate. He will not engage with them. He will not talk to them. He seems so angry because he feels like I am babying him which I am trying not to. I just want to check in and make sure he is okay. His responses to general questions are abrupt and angry. I don't know what to do to help. I am so scared that without the right support he will do this again but I am also scared that if I push him too far he will stop talking to me (to date I have been that person he turns to when he is feeling low). I don't want him to stop talking because then I have no measure on how he is feeling. I feel so helpless. Is this something that some people who have tried to take their life do or should I be even more concerned. Our MH services here are not pushing him too hard because they are so over stretched that they tend to help those who want the help and he is not taking their calls. Has anyone dealt with this and what did you do?

There isn't a lot you CAN do really. He is legally an adult and if he doesn't want to engage, you can't force him.

My only advice would be to back off. Give him space and stop trying to make him talk.

Get in contact with his other family members and friends and just make sure that SOMEONE sees or speaks to him each day. Not necessarily the same person but just to make sure he seems stable enough.

Then just be patient. He'll get help when he's ready and there's no point pushing, he'll only dig his heels in.

Have you told the university pastoral care team about your concerns?

So sorry you're in this situation. So awful when they are not within your reach. There will be support at the uni if he would agree to it, are they aware of what happened?
If you use FB please join the private group 'Parenting Mental Health'.
Great support and advice from parents all going through the same with their children (including adult ones).

@TwoBlondes

Have you told the university pastoral care team about your concerns?

I think this is key. Are staff at the university aware of the situation? Are they providing support and generally 'keeping an eye on him'?

charliewaller.org/

I recently heard a talk by a guy called Dick Moore (who unfortunately lost his son to suicide) on suicide prevention/mental health issues in the young and he recommended the above organisation. Good luck. X

That sounds like an incredibly painful situation. I appreciate you must be in hell right now but I would also echo the advice to back off. Don't bombard him as his anger is clearly bubbling away just below the surface ready to explode. Probably mostly at you as you are his mum and safe person. I would echo ensuring the uni pastoral team are aware and then very gently and tentatively reminding him how much you love and care about him and value his presence in your life. He will need to find his own way back, it is a very solitary path in my experience but I needed a therapist alongside me. I hope he will reach out to someone. Take care of yourself and maybe consider counselling so you have support too. You don't want to project your worry on to him even though it is understandable that you are terrified.

It sounds really hard OP. I’ve failed numerous times to get off the planet. Although maybe not trying to talk to him all the time is a good idea, don’t disappear. I found although I didn’t want to speak to anyone just knowing someone cared helped. Texting, with it clear there is no pressure to reply, no questions about the incident/MH, no suggestions, can be good. Just to let him know you are there. Or just normal texting about normal stuff!