I can’t cry

[MrsGlum]

It’s me yet again…needing the support of all you lovely Mumsnetters,

I am a month of Mirtazapine. Had terrible withdrawal symptoms because I had to come off quickly due to horrible side effects.

I’m feeling so miserable and so unwell but I just cannot seem to actually cry.

I need to have a really good sob with big fat tears to get out all of my pent up emotion but I just can’t do it.

Is this a thing after being on an antidepressant and will it resolve?

I can’t bear the thought of never being able to cry again

Bumping in hope….

I've been on several antidepressants over the years and while I've felt numb, that is far more linked to my emotional state than it is to the pills.

I've had problems crying recently but it's because I've locked down my feelings so tight. Right now, I'm 600 miles from home in a strange city, and today I sat in a Cathedral and cried. Can't cry at home, that makes it real, part of my real life. Not religious either. It was just a safe space.

I guess my point is, while antidepressants can help numb you, it's much your your own feelings that are stopping you crying...

@BestInterests that’s interesting. I was so worried that it’s an imbalance in my brain chemistry cased by the meds which is doing it. Unfortunately Im currently a bit housebound so will need someone to drive me out somewhere to see if I can get the tears to flow. God knows they there!

@MrsGlum and @BestInterests sorry to hear how you are both feeling

I had this problem on Fluoxetine when I was first on it. I stopped the medication a few months ago and have been on it again about a month and have cried.... not sure if that's a one off.

It's hard having those emotions that you can't release.

I find life so tiring at times. If I keep myself busy that can sometimes distract my low mood.

@Frollop it is awful just not being able to get out all the pain. I am in a state of complete mental anguish at the moment going through this withdrawal and also suffering the painful physical side effects the drug has given me. I’m terrified I’ve lost the old me forever due to going cold turkey off Mirtazapine - scared shitless that I’ve damaged my brain and nervous system permanently. I’m struggling to see my future right now. It was such a huge mistake to start taking it in the first place. I cannot function and I honestly feel as though it’s ruined my life.

@MrsGlum do you have any family/friends support for face to face support? I know you mentioned being a bit housebound at the moment, it sounds like such a difficult time for you. Can you go back to your GP?
Also remember to reach out to the Samaritans if you need to talk...they also have an email address.
You brain will be ok but you need time and support to get through the difficult time and anxiety you’re experiencing and for your side effects to go.
Thinking of you X

You haven’t ruined your life, try and take one day at a time...I know it’s not easy but you will get through this. Can you play any soothing music, podcast or try and distract yourself with a tv series/film?

Our bodies are amazing, just give yours time to release the drug from your system and you will be fine. You haven't ruined anything, you gave it a try for good reason and it didn't work out for you. That's ok. You made a decision to stop and that's ok too. Sometimes we can put additional pressure on ourselves by deciding we need to cry and then can't. Or I do that anyway. Now I just feel sad if I need but I try not to expect tears. They will come out if/when needed or not also. Look after yourself. x

@Frollop thank you for your reassurance. I really need a lot of that right now. I’m finding it difficult to focus or concentrate on anything much at the moment - even trying meditation makes me jittery.
I have to use sleeping tablets just to get a few hours respite from the agony.
I do have an amazing family and network of friends but I have put them all through so much already that I think I’ve exhausted all their resources and sympathy. I feel so bad for putting them through this.
I have a GP appointment in two weeks time but I’m struggling to get through a day at the moment so it feels so far off.
I’m really very scared at the moment and wish I’d never started on the meds.

I’d be living my normal life by now it I hadn’t.
It was a very wrong call to be put on them, but now I have to live with the consequences of it for a lot longer than I took them for.
I feel so stupid for taking them.

@coffeeisthebest thank you. I just feel as though I’ve been poisoned by the medication and there’s no antidote except time but how much time…?
It seems to have affected so much of me - my joints, my brain function, my emotions.
I really hope my poor body will forgive me for doing this to it. It functioned perfectly beforehand. I am currently just a shell of the original me and I’m so scared that mirtazapine has eliminated her forever.
I can’t eat, sleep, concentrate or cry.
I feel as though I’ve taken myself away from the people who love and need me

It hasn't poisoned you. It is a recognised medication that we are offered alongside many others when we are highly anxious and depressed. The aim of the medication is to try and support you to ease the very anxious thoughts. These medications exist to support us. Yes there are side effects to any medication but they are short lived and it hasn't fundamentally changed who you are. You are still you. I think your anxious mind is giving you a script that you need to discuss with someone in real life. Can you access therapy? Please reach out. Or reach out to your GP with your concerns and they will talk you through how these drugs work. Take care.

Please try not to worry - it will take a bit of time for you to balance out again after the drug leaving your system. Some antidepressants can (temporarily) make you too numb so you can’t release any emotion, this happened to me until I found the right one. It is trial and error. Trying a new medication was a sensible thing for you to do so please don’t beat yourself up over it.

@coffeeisthebest I will be taking to my GP soon but I wondered if I also would benefit from seeing a psychiatrist too?
I went cold turkey from the meds which I now know is ill advised but going back on them isn’t an option for me, because of the physical damage they were causing.
Do you think I could have done myself more long term harm by doing this as opposed to tapering?

Thank you @Cakemonger. I’m feeling so exhausted from the withdrawal insomnia and emotional over the whole situation (there’s very long back story as to how I ended up on the meds) that I feel if I could release everything with a few really good sobs might help me to start on the road to recovery.
It feels so unreal to find myself in this situation at all.
I’ve never had mental health problems before and I suspect I should probably have been offered HRT instead of ADs.
I wouldn’t be in the horrible situation I am in now if that had been the route I took, but I suppose I wasn’t thinking logically at the time and trusted the GP to offer what was best. Now I know it clearly wasn’t the best thing for me.

No I don't. I came off something in a similar way, you react as you taper off but it won't affect you long term. You react as you withdraw from the medication and then it is done. These drugs don't permanently affect us because otherwise they wouldn't be taken as daily doses. We have to keep taking them every day to keep them in our systems. By all means see a psychiatrist if you would like to but any gp can talk you through this stuff too. How long ago did you stop taking them? Give yourself a week or two, accept that you might feel crappy for that time due to withdrawal but that this is the better option if you didn't feel good taking them. I honestly think speaking with a therapist would be helpful tho.

@coffeeisthebest did you get insomnia when you withdrew and if so did it resolve. This along with the anxiety, palpitations and lack of ability to cry is the most distressing symptom.
I’m scared I may never sleep properly again either. Before the episode that led me to being on the AD med I never had trouble sleeping. That really scares me

@coffeeisthebest sorry also meant to say that I was on them for 2 months but it was mirtazapine which I’ve since discovered seems to have a particularly bad reputation for coming off

@coffeeisthebest I’ve been off them for 5 weeks and seem to feel worse as each day goes by

@MrsGlum. I had insomnia with my anxiety anyway, in fact many side affects were also similar aspects of my anxiety so I found it very difficult to differentiate between them. Insomnia and anxiety go hand in hand in my opinion, you will sleep again but you need to find ways to manage your day to day anxiety. You weren't on mitrazapine that long anyway so I don't think it is necessarily a contributing factor now. Your anxiety has honed in on this medication but it may not be all about the drug. Please speak to someone in real life as soon as possible.

@coffeeisthebest thanks for your support.
I will be speaking to my GP soon and maybe a psychiatrist if I can get private appointment.

Hey there @MrsGlum, I read this and didn’t want to not respond as you sound so down and scared. Firstly I want to reassure you, nothing will have changed permanently for you physically or emotionally. You are a) having withdrawal symptoms from a medication you’re not supposed to come off cold turkey and b) in a difficult place with your mental health. None of this is permanent I promise.
As it’s been 5 weeks a doctor can advise but you should hopefully start to feel better soon in terms of the withdrawal. What is harder to deal with is how you feel currently, please do not be afraid to call 111 or your gp on Monday as you sound in distress and deserve an appointment faster.

@coffeeisthebest had some ace advice and I agree, it sounds you’re in a state of severe anxiety - I’ve been there myself and it’s bloody terrifying so you have all my best wishes and

Hope you feel so much better soon

@wintersdays thank you so much for your message. I’m really reassured to know that I won’t have done myself any permanent damage by going cold turkey. The physical joint damage caused by the med itself however is another matter and the thought that I may have to live with that forever is further feeding my anxiety.
I have had terrible anxiety all day today and a couple of panic attacks. It’s so hard to get the emotion out when the tears won’t flow.
I will see if I can get a sooner appointment with my GP next week. They are not great so I have had to learn how I need to deal with them. Am thinking of transferring to anew one in the longer term.
Thanks again -I really appreciate your reassurance and advice